Farewell!
I am terrible at goodbyes. I know, I know, you and I have never met, never stared into one another’s eyes across a candlelit table sipping red wine, never tumbled into bed together after an intense afternoon of watching one another from across a crowded room. And yet, I’m distraught and saddened to report that after two years of poking my nose into your sex life, my reign as the toys buyer here at Blowfish has come to an end. (Insert sad, nose-blow noise here.)
Being a toys buyer has a lot of perks, as you might imagine. The work is seldom boring, I get to talk about ass fucking with complete strangers, people confide their deepest and darkest secrets to me like I am their living diary, and, (this could be the best part), I have more sex toys than the Queen of Sheba (at least, I think I do. James in customer service informs me that there are reports of leather and ivory being put to grand uses back in 10th century BC). The toys in my house have taken over nearly all of my storage space: the drawers of my bedside table, an entire chest of drawers (5 drawers, each with a theme like “ass toys” or “strap-on-able dildos”), two plastic tubs under the bed, a drawer in the bathroom, a mail crate in the garage, and a bottle of lube or glass phallus resting in just about every corner of the house. I’ve been given the chance to test almost every toy on the website that a woman who sleeps with women can test, and I can say with certainty that the toys that live within arms reach of my bed have been whittled down to my few, absolute, can’t-live-without-them favorites. So, for my last toy-notes installment, we will take a short tour of my bedside table before I kick you out of my bedroom for good. Please don’t be upset . . . it’s not you, it’s me.
Lube: It seems that the world would not revolve without Liquid Silk Water-Based Lube. Everyone on the planet cherishes it like nectar from the fountain of eternal wetness, but it just doen’t “do it” for me. I like my lube on the runny side and with all the oral action that happens between my sheets, I need my lube flavorless.
My bedside table has two bottles of lube on it. My favorite all-time, all-purpose lube is Eros Aqua Formula. It’s a concentrated liquid lube that feels like real girl-wetness and it doesn’t taste like anything at all. I can go down on my parter while using it and I can keep right on lapping without grimacing. Love love love this lube. The other I keep on hand is Sliquid Sassy. This is my thick lube of choice. No, it isn’t as wet or slippery as other lubes, but when I want something thick for anal play that won’t slip though my fingers in the dark, I love this paraben-free, glycerin-free, flavorless formula.
Strap-on Harnesses: My first girlfriend once told me, “No self-respecting dyke would be caught harness-less with a new lover on her way over for tea.” While I’m not sure about the absolute truth of that statement, I do know that a good harness is a must-have for the fucking I want to be having. My partner and I have two harnesses that we use all of the time, the Cowboi Harness and the Jacques Comfort-Cloth Harness. I don’t have a preference between the two, but some days I want the soft, comfortable feel of the Jacques against my skin, and other times I want the rough and tumble heat of the leather Cowboi. Both keep dildos tight to my body, both put the cock low where my real package would be (if I had one, that is), both can hold a double-dildo should we want to play with one, and both look beautiful on my lover’s body. With these two harnesses, I feel like I’m set up for a fabulous life of thrusting from the hips.
Strap-On-Able Dildos: It’s been nice getting to try every dildo under the sun looking for the perfect combination of shape, size, consistency, nubbiness, color, (etc, etc, etc) that really, really gets me off. After sticking more phalluses in my body than I care to count, if I had to reach for one single dildo for my lover to do me with, I’d reach for the Captain Silicone Dildo. For me, the firm rubber, thick shaft, upward angle, and round balls make this the big, hard cock of my dreams. (Now you have more information about me than I would care to think about. Let’s just move on, shall we?)
I should note that my partner would rather keel over and die than have something as large as the Captain near her hoo-hoo. Her fave is the Boi Next Door Silicone Dildo in the feel-real silicone called Vix Skin. She also loves the Selkie Silicone Dildo with the squishy G-spot nub at the head. Alas, she likes them skinnier and squishier than I do. All three of these dildos live next to my alarm clock, making it extra fun when parents or casual friends show up unexpectedly and want to take a peek at our studio apartment.
Vibes: After so many vibes rubbing against my clit, I think my love button is over it. I’m one of the few women I’ve met that find it easier to come with my hands than with a vibe. It feels disloyal to my profession to say that. Still, when I need/want more stimulation than just fingers or mouths, I want my stunning Panthere metal vibe or the Ideal Rechargeable Vibe in the sack with me. The Panthere is amazing, strong, quiet, strong. It never ceases to delight me when the cool metal starts warming up on my parts. The Ideal Rechargeable Vibe is my “must have an orgasm in less than 3 minutes” vibe. I like to pop on the Gee Whizard Attachment (what can I say, I love the green color!) and go to town. The Ideal is a little louder than I want when playing with my parter (ie: it scares the dog sometimes), but nothing is better for the get-me-off-and-go.
Butt-Toys: The only plug I use all the time anymore is the Pharaoh’s Eye Stainless Steel Butt-Plug in the pale blue color. It stays in when I do anything: jumping jacks, walking the dog, getting fucked with a strap-on (vaginally, of course). It is beautiful, comfortable, and I can feel it every time I move. I can’t say enough good things about steel in my butt. And it is so pretty that I smile every time it comes out of the drawer.
Firm Toys: Once upon a time, the owner of Phallix Glass (a manufacturer of most of the beautiful glass toys in this world) gave me an Elizabethan. I’ve never been quite the same since. I love that glass toy like I gave birth to it. I feel similarly about the Njoy Pure Wand, also a gift from the guys over at Njoy. I had my first squirting orgasm with this stainless steel crescent and it’s the best G-spotter I’ve ever played with.
And others: I cherish my Twisted Hemp Bondage Rope with a special kind of devotion. I own it in the crimson red color and although we don’t play with it often, every time it comes out of the drawer, my tummy gets butterflies like I am on a hot date with my secret crush. I don’t own the Asp whip, but I covet it and wish that I was hard-core enough to actually play with it in my living room. And if I had a real flesh and blood penis, I’d play with the Fleshlight Sleeve all of the time. I do believe there is nothing closer to real pussy than the “lady” version of the Fleshlight. Even looking at it makes me want to poke it.
And with that cacophony of overshares, I must say good-bye. Thanks for reading my words and for trusting me to come into your life in the most intimate of ways. I hope you’ll continue to check in with me as I embark upon writing for the blog in a column, not yet named, scheduled to debut early next month. Until then, thank you and happy playing!
—Rebekah Skoor
This entry was posted on Wednesday, 11 July 2007 at 4:14 pm and is filed under Toys. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
on Wednesday, 11 July 2007 at 9:24 pm Nathan wrote:
Dearest Rebekah,
Your unbridled willingness to share your secrets endears you to me.
I will miss you.
on Friday, 13 July 2007 at 9:55 am Jolie wrote:
You will be greatly missed, especially on the podcast. Hopefully I’ll still get to read your thoughts and comments somewhere else. But for now, remember what my mother always told me: don’t take any wooden nickels. Ah, don’t you just love folksy, Midwestern wisdom?
on Saturday, 14 July 2007 at 8:27 pm Gretchen wrote:
Oh, Rebekah…I will soooooo miss your wisdom and wit, as I’m sure will all of your readers. Please, please tell us where to find you!