For the longest time, it seemed that all in/out vibes came in more or less the same diameter. The industry finally gave us smaller ones a couple of years ago, but it’s only recently that they thought to widen the shaft on one of the most popular vibrator models of all time. That collective sigh you hear is from size queens everywhere.
The Thundercloud Elastomer Vibrator is a chunky 2-1/4″ across at the head, which happens to be the widest point. The shaft is narrower, at 1-7/8″ across, but that’s still a good deal thicker than others in this category. Like all good in/ out vibes, this one comes with a tickler for your clit, and in this case it’s a nice fat tickler that’s sure to cover your clit in vibey goodness.
The shaft also rotates around, in a kind of swivel action. The shaft is so thick that this movement, even when inserted, is quite noticeable. But, that’s not the most noticeable thing about the shaft. This soft white toy lights up inside with multicolor flashes. The packaging says this looks like a cloud during a storm, but I’ve never seen a cloud so colorful (especially not during a thunderstorm!). This bit of festive color and light adds another sense that’s being stimulated, making the Thundercloud quite an impressive toy.
Both the rotation and the vibration are controlled by separate sliders in the base. Runs on three AA batteries (not included, but we do sell them). The Thundercloud will put you on cloud nine . . . and ten, eleven and twelve, to boot!
So, the idea behind Good Clean Love All-Natural Love Oil, if you’re curious (and I certainly was) is that these essential oils open up the limbic side of the brain, making you more receptive to amorous activities and more likely to like those who are wearing them. They smell different on everyone, too, so it’s your own body chemistry combined with the oil that’s sending out the signals — I like to think of it as makeup for your pheromones. It’s still you, but enhanced.
Naturally, the first thing we did with testers was to run about the tank (Blowfishie offices) rubbing it on everyone’s wrists and sniffing one another. And, yes, it does smell different on everyone, though the fragrances always smelled good. As to whether it made everyone like everyone else even more, well, we all get along really well here anyway, but it was a very relaxed, fun afternoon after that (though running around sniffing your coworkers like a pack of puppies does tend to lend a mirthful air to one’s work environment).
Rubbing it on my husband, however, definitely brought out the more, er, amorous, effect of these oils. Something about his familiar, loving smell combined with the heady cinnamon scent of the India Spice scent made him nearly irresistible.
The kit comes with three scents — Caribbean Rose (Essential Formula: Frankincense, Vetiver, Rose-Geranium, Rose-Maroc), a light rose scent that’s sassy enough not to remind you of your grandmother, the afore-mentioned Indian Spice scent (Essential Formula: Cardamom, Clary Sage, Frankincense, Cinnamon and Clove Bud), which is earthy enough for a man to wear while still bringing to mind the exotic (and erotic), and the light fruity goodness that is the Origins scent (Essential Formula: Sandalwood, Clary Sage, Black Pepper and Ylang-ylang). Their scent is nice and strong at first, though it does fade over time (a few hours later you can hardly smell it at all), so it’s not exactly a perfume, even though they smell good enough to wear all day long.
Please note that while these are safe for use as internal lubrication, they are not latex compatible. Also not recommended for use during pregnancy.
Porn is largely about bringing fantasies to vivid, watchable life, and Playgirl’s vignettes have mastered the depiction of a certain kind of feminine fantasy. Their videos — like Steamy Seduction — are perfect for straight women or couples (especially couples new to porn) because they combine good production values, sexy performers, and an understanding of romantic fantasy in one sweet package. The women have gorgeously decorated bedrooms, wear pretty lingerie, and enjoy the company of doting men with big beautiful cocks whose sexual appetites match their own perfectly.
In a lot of ways, these vignettes are like scenes from the more explicit sort of romance novels brought to life (except for the cumshots on the body — those are straight from pornland). The scenes include voiceovers from the point of view of the women, talking about their fantasies, desires, and pleasures, and the tone is very much like that of romantic erotica.
All the scenes here are good, with the standout being Tyler Knight and Harmony’s playtime in the bathroom — it’s tender, slow, and sensual, and even if you’re not especially excited by interracial porn, the visual contrast between Tyler’s dark skin and Harmony’s pale flesh is aesthetically beautiful. Things get ever so slightly kinky in “Love Is Blind,” with Sarah Blake tying up Marco Banderas while he sleeps, then waking and blindfolding him for woman-in-control sex. There’s sex with a fencing instructor (including some scantily-clad swordplay and Renee Pornero’s yummy pierced nipples), massage-and-hot tub sex, and other fantasies.
Steamy Seduction taps into the sensual eroticism of softcore porn, but includes real hardcore action. The bonus features are treats more directly geared to the ladies, including a solo masturbation scene with Christian and a cute audition tape from 21-year-old Jake. Steamy Seduction will get you hot and bothered.
Via The F Word, we discover stupid judgments about women’s bodies is not just confined to bad porn:
Incredibly cool and beautiful singer Amanda Palmer (of Dresden Dolls fame) has been forced to search for a new record label after Roadrunner refused to promote her latest single, video and album. Why? Because she refused to let them remove shots of her “fat” belly from the video for Leeds United (see above), and is therefore “uncommercial”.
Check out the video. She’s insanely hot.
Her fans have started The Rebellyon, in which they are posting pictures of their own bellies in protest. Brilliant.
We’re very excited about the forthcoming release of Champion… and it appears we are not the only ones. Without further ado, and with tremendous thanks to Pop Shot, LOLChampions.
We all know that sex toys come in various materials: silicone, glass, elastomer, etc. And, while every material has its advantages, sometimes you just can’t help but play favorites. One of my very favorites is metal. The density of metal gives even smaller toys a nice weight, and they’re firm, nearly unbreakable, and they start out nice and cool (but you can warm them up, too).
Now, put these qualities up your tush, and hang on for some intense sensations! This week’s new toy, the Double Bubble Chrome Butt-Plug, is one of the heaviest butt-toys we carry at 1.48 lbs. This means that even small movements performed while wearing this guy will translate into big arousal — try rocking while lying down for some awesome firm rubbing on the prostate (or even G-spot — it’s heavy enough our female testers could feel it through the vaginal wall). That sort of weight is also a nice challenge to keep inserted while standing, which is one reason we’re going to go ahead and just say that this is an intermediate-to-advanced butt-toy. Those who want to try these sensations, but are more of a beginner to the world of butt-play, should check out our Decorative Metal Butt-Plugs (for that matter, there’s stuff there for intermediate and advanced players, too!).
The second reason this puppy is not a beginner ass toy? The rather untraditional shape. Instead of starting out with a nice tapered end, you’ve got a big round end, which means you’ve got to, er, open up wide to even start inserting the Double Bubble. (Of course, even advanced players will want to warm up first.) But, for those who can do it, the sense of accomplishment, not to mention the extreme pleasure, that comes from just getting that first big bloop inside is worth the extra effort.
The middle of the toy is more of a neck with a 1-1/4″ bloop in the middle of it, and the final challenge doesn’t come until the very end. The base is only 1-3/4″ wide, which is how wide you had to open up to get that first ball in. Advanced players should be able to cinch down tightly on the smaller neck in order to keep the toy in without letting the base slip inside, but intermediate players might consider using a safety line just in case. 4″ overall, 3-1/2″ insertable.
There are a lot of lubes on the market, I know. And, with so many choices, it can make it hard to find the lube that’s just right for you. One of the things we’ve been asked for lately is an all-natural, water-based lube, preferably organic, that is nice and slippery. And, after searching high and low, we’ve finally found one that we like.
Good Clean Love All-Natural Water-Based Lube is all-natural (you can tell by the name, but also from the ingredient list) and is near-organic (95% organic). It has no petrochemicals or parabens and is cruelty free at 99.99% vegan, so you can feel good about using it. And it feels good to use, too. It’s a verrry slippery lube, with a slickness that I felt compared to a silicone lube, but with a gel texture that makes it great for stuff like anal sex (or just staying where you put it and not running right off onto your clean sheets). Like most water-based lubes, it will lose its slickness after a bit, but a “wet kiss” (as they so delicately put it) or a drop of water will re-slick it right up again. It has hardly any odor at all unless you put your nose right up to it, and then it’s a light, citrusy smell. And it hardly tastes like anything at all, which is why they named this flavor “Almost Naked.” A good, slippery lube that’s good for you and the environment; what’s not to like?
The whole MILF thing has proven to be a great boon for porn stars, potentially adding years to their working lives, and proving you don’t have to be a fresh-faced girl of nineteen to be a sexual creature. Amber Lynn was a superstar in her day, and though she’s in her forties now (and has come out of retirement once or twice before this), she’s still just as into sex as she ever was.
Housewives of Amber Lane does include some young-and-pretty starlets, too, so it’s not strictly a MILF feature — just a celebration of suburban women, from the young to the slightly less young, and their sexual celebration. We’ve got a voyeur watching his neighbors fuck through their windows, then coming home and getting his wife to reenact some of what he’s seen (ending with a slightly foot-fetishy cumshot as Randy Spears spurts on India Summer’s strappy heels).
Phoenix Marie is a housewife auditioning a new handyman — Marco Banderas, who’s probably sick of playing handymen and gardeners at this point, I would guess. Who knew interviewing a handyman involved a casting couch? It’s a pretty good deal for him; Phoenix is pretty, with blonde streaks in her hair, and big fake breasts. Randy plays welcome wagon for new neighbor Diana Doll, who tells him she’s heard rumors about a neighborhood peeping tom (that would be Randy, of course, though he protests ignorance). The prospect of some stranger watching through the window doesn’t dissuade her from asking him to fuck her, though . . .
Michele McClaren wants to go back to stripping in a club, but John West as her hubby says no — but makes it clear he still thinks she’s attractive by fucking her face and eating her out. Insecurity is the theme in Austin Kincaid’s scene with Nick Manning, too — when she expresses fear that he’ll leave her for a younger woman, he fucks her roughly all over the living room by way of reassurance. (Austin’s not even thirty yet, but I guess in the world of porn, the late twenties is old— Nick even calls her a “cougar” which is a bit much . . .) The most MILFy of the bunch is Amber Lynn, who has the final scene with Evan Stone. She’s not as pretty as she was in her prime, but her body looks great, and she and Evan are both voracious, insatiable, loud lovers, so it’s one of the most entertaining scenes of the bunch. (There’s a good and long, if very strange, bonus feature with Austin Kincaid & Jessica Drake fucking an ice cream salesman, too.)
I wish I could remember who told me this, so I could thank them. If it was you, consider yourself thanked.
It’s the best piece of advice I ever got about non-monogamy. And I want to share it with the rest of the class.
It’s this:
If you’re a couple who’s considering opening up your relationship, but you have anxieties and apprehensions and feelings of jealousy, and they’re stopping you from going forward?
Think — carefully — about what exactly it is you’re afraid of.
And then make your non-monogamy arrangements to address those particular feelings and fears.
Don’t just say, “I feel jealous,” or, “I’m afraid this will destroy our relationship.” Get specific. What — exactly — is it that you fear will happen? Think carefully. Search your souls.
And then set up your agreement so the things you’re afraid of don’t happen. (Or are less likely to happen. Or don’t happen very intensely, or very often.)
Here are some examples.
Are you afraid that having sex outside the relationship will take too much time and energy away from your partnership? You can agree to a time limit on the extra-curricular activities. No more than once a month, say. Or only when the other partner already has other plans.
Are you afraid that having sex outside the relationship will make sex with your partner less special? You can preserve some kinds of sex to save just for each other: agree to a limit on what kinds of sex are okay outside the partnership, and what kinds of sex aren’t. Or you can preserve the physical space that you have sex with your partner: keep the outside sex outside your home (if you live together), and save the bed you share for just the two of you.
Are you afraid that having sex outside the relationship will leave the other partner feeling abandoned and left out? You can agree to always keep each other in the loop: let each other know where you’re going, and when, and with whom. You can even tell each other sexy stories about what you’re doing with other people, if that would make you feel included and not freaked out. And again, you can agree to keep your extra-curricular nookie for times when your partner already has plans — when they already have their weekly knitting circle or anarchist meeting, or when they’re already going to be out of town — so the one who’s not getting laid that night isn’t being left home alone.
Are you afraid that having sex outside the relationship will lead to a serious romantic involvement outside the relationship? Again, you can agree to limits that would minimize the likelihood of that happening. Limits on how much time is spent on outside sex. Limits on particular activities — kissing, say — that you think of as romantic. Limits on public displays of affection with the outside partners. An agreement that outside sex won’t involve sleeping together or spending the night. That sort of thing. (You obviously can’t have any guarantees that outside love won’t blossom in a non-monogamous relationship — heck, you can’t have any guarantees that they won’t blossom in a monogamous one — but you can set things up so the soil isn’t hospitable for that particular flower to grow.)
Etc. Etc. Etc.
Let’s talk about jealousy for a moment. It’s commonly assumed that “jealousy” is a simple, single emotion. But in my experience, it’s anything but. Jealousy is a big tangle of lots of different emotions. Fear of abandonment and loss. Hurt feelings of rejection. Insecurity about your own attractiveness and desirability. Anger at losing status. Fear of loss of control. Possessiveness and territorial-ness.
Not every jealous person feels all of these emotions in the same proportions. Not every jealous person feels all of these emotions, period.
So if you’re in a relationship and you’re considering trying non-monogamy, but you’re being stopped by feelings of jealousy that you don’t feel like you could handle?
Don’t just say, “I’m jealous,” and leave it at that. If you’re serious about giving non-monogamy a try, try to untangle the threads of your jealousy. Figure out what they are and where they’re coming from. And then tailor your agreements and limits on your non-monogamy around those threads, so they don’t get tugged on too hard.
Oh, and very importantly:
This bit about shaping your non-monogamy agreement to address your specific feelings and fears?
That’s not something you do once and forget about.
That’s something you may wind up re-doing, maybe several times over the course of your relationship.
Fears and other feelings can change. And if they do, you need to be flexible about changing your non-monogamy agreement to suit them. After a few weeks/ months/ years, you might find that that whole “no oral sex outside the relationship” thing that seemed so important at the outset just isn’t that big a deal anymore . . . but now you’re finding that it’s bugging you when your partner has their outside nookie on a Saturday night, since it seems like Saturday nights are special and should be saved for you.
Or something like that.
In other words: If you’re a couple who’s going to try non-monogamy, set up your arrangements and agreements so that your particular feelings and fears don’t get stepped on. And if your feelings and fears change — or simply become more clear to you with time and experience — then it makes sense to re-arrange your arrangements.
It’s your relationship, after all. You don’t have to make it work for anybody else. You just have to make it work for you.
It should surprise no one that I have many geekish tendencies; indeed, as a science fiction writer, I’m right at the top of at least some geek hierarchies. I was reminded of my geekishness this week as I happily started playing the Wrath of the Lich King expansion to online roleplaying game World of Warcraft. (Here’s a gratuitous shot of some sexy women dressed as blood elves from last year’s Blizzcon.) I decided to take to the net in search of sexy geeky things, and found more than I could have hoped for.
There are ample places online to find cute geek girl pictures and profiles. Blog Geeks of Doom used to do a “Geek Girl of the Week” and “Geek Girl of the Month” feature which, alas, has apparently fallen by the wayside, but we can dip a toe into their archives: drool over Nikole, who arranges her life around Adult Swim and enjoys dressing like a schoolgirl; or feast your eyes on Wolf, who digs Harry Potter cosplay and, apparently, has a cowgirl thing as well; and enjoy the somewhat famous Ruby Rocket, who has a thing for dressing like superheroes. Lots more in their archives. And while we’re at it, here are some more hot female cosplayers, this time with more anime influence.
Now that it’s all over but the screaming, I can finally consider the question that seems to have long been on everybody’s mind: “Sarah Palin?” I don’t mean “Sarah Palin?” as in “Huh?” No, no, I mean “Sarah Palin?” as in “Boom-chikka-chikka-weeyow wow!! Yow?”
I remember the moment I first read Sarah Palin’s name in connection with the Republican Vice Presidential nomination. It was online, at something like six in the morning — procrastinating, something all sane fiction writers are doing at six in the morning. An airplane was reportedly heading from Alaska to McCain’s location (Illinois or Michigan or something), amping up speculation that Alaska Governor — say it with me, now, Sarah Palin — was about to be McCain’s nominee for veep. The very first comment on the article was: “McCain-MILF ‘08!” The objectification of Sarah Palin had begun. Or, rather, the objectification of Sarah Palin as VP candidate had begun, since, let’s face it, she was a beauty queen — she’d been objectified before.
The quickness of the high-fiving bewildered me. Sure, there was emphatic woof-woofing from the lunatic fringe of the political sector; George Gurley wrote in the New York Observer that he wanted “to lick that face and drool on it like a dog.” There was soon a This Is Not Sarah Palin sex doll. And did anybody really expect Larry Flynt not to jump on board? The Palin-themed Hustler film, Who’s Nailin’ Paylin? stars MILFtacular Lisa Ann, at 36 a mere eight years younger than Governor Palin. Perhaps more importantly, Who’s Nailin’ Paylin was followed up — before the election!! — with its own philosopho-political response, Obama’s Nailin’ Paylin. Producer Cesar Capone found a way to get adult industry headlines without having to spend a dime on production; he offered the Gov $3 million to star in a porn flick, an offer — gasp!! — Palin could most certainly refuse, or more accurately ignore. Then there was another Palin movie, Palin: Erection. This is somewhat impressive in being, like, ultra-on-the-sopt, but not shocking in the porn industry, where it’s typical to slap a flick together to capitalize on the lamest possible social trends, with the rapidity of production being directly proportional to the trend’s lameness. The trend of jerking off to Sarah Palin was, apparently, pretty lame.
Anyway, the Palin parody is to be expected from Flynt, who hates political conservatives and ridicules them every chance he gets, and the rest of porn of course could be expected to fall in line, since the industry would, metaphorically speaking, fuck a microwaved watermelon for $5. And a Sarah Palin sex doll? Whatever.
But much to my bewilderment, my fellow erotica writers quickly jumped on the bandwagon, considering Sarah Palin as valid fodder for their erotic daydreams. I don’t really mean Susie Bright, who considered the matter of Sarah Palin’s sex life from a political standpoint, as she’d done previously (she actually once wrote a piece about fucking Dan Quayle). But in this case, I’m thinking more about Rachel Kramer Bussel, who launched sarahpalinerotica.com before the election, and Carol Queen, who hosted a political smut night at The Center for Sex and Culture, clearly aimed at Sarah Palin’s smoldering sexuality. Both Rachel and Carol are good friends of mine, and in their view it was all in good fun. I was invited to contribute to Rachel’s project, and turned it down on philosophical grounds; I agreed to read at Carol’s reading, with the proviso that I would not under any circumstances read about Sarah Palin (I later had to cancel due to appendicitis — coincidence? I think not — the CIA is all over me with their appendix-control rays).
During election season, I objected to all this Palin objectifying with a vitriol that utterly bewildered my friends. “What’s the big deal?” I was asked. When engaged in such conversations, I would find myself responding much like Linda Blair in the Exorcist — I cleaned a lot of pea soup off of my walls, I tell ya what.
I objected, and still object, to Sarah Palin jerkoff slash and Sarah Palin porn because I believed then, and believe now, that the march to objectify Sarah Palin is NOT about her being a Republican. It’s not even about her being a hideous hypocritical bitch who promotes abstinence-only sex education while crowbarring her knocked-up daughter into a completely inappropriate marriage to prove that marriage is a sacred union between two unwilling teenagers. It’s about her being a woman. I believed, and still believe, that objectifying Sarah Palin by making porn about her or writing erotica about her, or even making off-color comments about how hot she is — I believe that is sexist. People seem to think that’s strange of me. Some consider me a blowhard, because according to a number of my friends the fact that I write porn renders my opinion in this case null and void.
But that’s not the biggest reason I objected to Palinporn, and it’s not the reason I’m coming clean now. I was most upset by the Palinporn trend for one simple reason: Quayle.
Dan Quayle, George H.W. Bush’s runningmate in 1988, was a bit of a buffoon, with little political experience. Some braniac political pundits wrote at the time was that Bush nominated Quayle because from that point on the election was all about Quayle and what a doofus he was. That allowed H.W. to stay out of the fray, and guess what? He won. It took a recession and Ross Perot to get him out of office four years later. The distraction from George H.W. Bush’s being unfit for command worked like a charm, and that’s what Palin smelled like: a distraction.
We live, now, in an era where Americans pick a candidate for the most frivolous of reasons. The last thing I wanted to see in the days leading up to the election was the bump McCain received in the polls turn in to a stratospheric climb because people thought Sarah Palin was sexy. I kept my opinions about her sexiness or unsexiness, for the most part, to myself when in public. It did not seem relevant to the conversation. Palin’s sexuality, like the rest of her, seemed like a distraction from the (to me) obvious fact that John McCain was the wrong, wrong, wrong candidate for President. Palin winked and otherwise right-thinking liberals swooned. They hated her, but the loved to hate her. It was weird.
Now that the election is over, the distractions continue: Palin has inserted herself into the media, or the media has invited her in. Republican Newt Gingrich is having a shit-fit over her. And if Palin runs for President in 2012, I’m sure there will be more Palinporn to come.
Please, God . . . make the bad, bad lady go away. Make her go back to Alaska and face federal racketeering charges, and make Larry Flynt never make a porno about her again. Please?
Thomas Roche blogs about emergency appendectomies, Vicodin and peristhesia at thomasroche.com.
