Thursday, 22 May 2008
| 12:00 am
| Videos
Yay, the Crash Pad! (Specifically The Crash Pad Series, Volume 2: Unlocked) I love the Crash Pad. Real lesbian fucking, directed by the inimitable (though many try to imitate her!) Shine Louise Houston, indie porn impresario extraordinaire. The premise is the same as always, with various people slipping into the eponymous apartment for guilt-free fucking — unaware they’re being filmed by the techno-voyeur next door, played by Shine. She’s armed with computer equipment and access to countless hidden cameras, recording all the sexual activity happening in the apartment . . . which she then edits, puts on DVD, and sells to the public. (We even see the box for the DVD she’s selling — it’s the box for the first volume of the Crash Pad series. Shine’s movies just gets more and more delightfully meta. I love stuff like that.) The bits of plot that occasionally surface are like scenes from an explicit soap opera, but they don’t overwhelm the action, and they do provide some context for what’s happening onscreen.
The opening three-way scene is quite hot, with Shawn giving her lover Jiz a “present” in the form of Micha, naked and ready for a three-way. There’s lots of spanking, slapping, strap-on pounding, and general merriment. The next scene has Dallas as a student who comes to the Crash Pad alone to study (to the chagrin of her friends), but the atmosphere of the place, and the memories it sparks, get the best of her, and soon she dons black latex gloves, lubes up, and starts giving herself a good time. (Amusingly, she’s shown holding a copy of Aqua Erotica, the waterproof porn anthology edited by Friend-of-Blowfish Mary Anne Mohanraj.) Naturally, a friend comes over to distract her . . . There are lots of great scenes, with dykes of all stripes having fun lively sex with mostly fantastic chemistry. There are loads of nice little details — I love the bit when the exiting femmes glare at the two entering butches, who smirk back. It was cool seeing alt-porn star Michelle Aston in the final scene, rollicking around the bed with Julie. If you like hot hipster chicks wearing strap-ons and fucking the living daylights out of one another, you can’t do better than the Crash Pad series.
Pre-release discount! We expect to ship Crash Pad Series, Volume 2: Unlocked about June 1st . . . but if you order it now, you get a nice big discount, as well as the warm glow of knowing that you will be one of the first in your town to experience this wonderful new movie from Shine Louise Houston.
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I believe strongly in the importance of education, and one of the best ways to learn about our human cultural heritage is through museums, be they museums of art, museums of technology, museums of natural history . . . or museums of sex. There are more museums dedicated to the art and science of human fucking than you might think, and here’s a brief virtual tour:
First, of course, there’s the Museum of Sex in New York, pretty much the flagship of such places, at least in the United States. Founded in 2005, it definitely tends toward the classy/educational/restrained end of the spectrum, with current exhibitions on “Sex in Design/Design in Sex” and “Action: Sex and the Moving Image,” as well as the permanent collection, which includes assorted homemade and commercial sexual “contraptions,” from the Monkey Rocker to the Real Doll. The museum focuses on eight themes: “sex education; mapping sex in America; sex in art; law and public morality; sex in advertising; sex and technology; sex and entertainment,” and (rather self-aggrandizingly), “the significance of the Museum of Sex in New York City.”
Things get stranger when you move a bit farther afield. Consider the Icelandic Phallological Museum, dedicated to the preservation and presentation of dicks of all kinds. “Visitors to the museum will encounter thirty specimens belonging to twelve different kinds of whale, one specimen taken from a rogue polar bear, eighteen specimens belonging to seven different kinds of seal and walrus, and fifty one specimens originating from sixteen different kinds of land mammal: all in all, a total of one hundred specimens belonging to thirty six different kinds of mammal.” It’s penis-tastic! The museum has also secured promises from several men to donate their penises after death. Well, like the saying goes, you can’t take it with you . . .
There are Japanese sex museums that are rather more venerable than either of the above. The first Hihokan, or “House of Hidden Treasures,” appeared in 1971, and originally included only “phallic/vulvic altar symbols and intercourse themed antiques” of the sort you could find in many Shinto shrines. Gradually, though, founder Masato Matsuno (or “Professor Sex”) expanded his collection to include some pretty wild stuff. Nowadays there are lots of other Hihokan scattered around Japan, especially in resort towns. Take a visual tour of the original museum here. Why did I never get to take field trips to places like this in Junior High? Stupid Planetarium.
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Even if you missed Part 1 of our interview with Maria Beatty, you may already know that Maria Beatty is one of the most innovative, artful directors of erotic film working today. With her new release Strap-On Motel, she paints a portrait of a sizzling encounter in a motel on the wrong side of the tracks. We chatted with Beatty recently about her new release.
TR: Did you work on other projects between the making of Skateboard Kink Freak and Sex Mannequin, and the making of Silken Sleeves and subsequently Strap-On Motel?
Maria Beatty Yes, I worked on my first feature film, “Boy in a Bathtub” . . . Paris, 1920. A courtesan falls madly in love for a cherubin young man, twenty years younger. She keeps him locked up inside her flat, satisfying her dark desires: he becomes her child, her double, her wife, and her sexual toy. Unfortunately this film hasn’t quite found it’s niche or audience but I’m convinced that with another feature film or two under my belt this film will be included and appreciated in my body of work.
TR: Strap-On Motel has a noirish feel, seeming to me to be very influenced by the detective genre, the road trip film genre, the “down-and-outer” genre. Were those conscious influences, and are there others I might have missed? How did you get the idea for Strap-On Motel?
MB: Yes, that’s absolutely right. And that was my intention when creating this film. I have a strong fetish for hotel rooms and fantasies of mysterious transient love affairs that take place in them. A dark romanticism that’s exciting and very erotic. I happened to be staying in a famous authentic deco hotel in downtown LA and this is where the idea came to me. The aura, spirits, and architecture in the hotel was completely noirish and it’s residents were full of the “down-and-outers” . . . This hotel where I was staying was screaming out for me to create an erotic noir clandestine love affair there, and five days later I did.
TR: In Strap-On Motel, you used a voiceover, illustrating a story that wraps around the sex. Was this a new direction or a new style for you?
MB: This is the first time I’ve used a voiceover for any of my erotic fetish/sm films. Normally I let the dialogue drive the story or music and sound design. I was trying to stay true to the film noir style and period so it was only natural to create and drive the story along with a voiceover seen through the one madly desiring and obsessed in the film. And when the voiceover is laid over the sex scenes it’s actually deconstructing the sex and adding a few dimensions rather than just a one-dimension sex scene.
TR: Did you enjoy working that way?
MB: It was stimulating to work with the extra layers of voiceover and creating and enhancing the story even further in post production, and to continue to explore more possibilities with voiceover and sex and the whole theme of road movies lesbian style.
TR: Do you think you’ll do it in subsequent projects?
MB: For sure. I adore the use of voiceovers when done well and to illustrate a storyline. I love the extra dimension it adds to the film and mystery as well. I’m currently in post production with my new film to be released in June 2008 “Post Apocalyptic Cowgirls,” and Lydia Lunch is in the works to do a more spoken word performance voiceover for this film.
TR: You’ve worked with Dylan before; how did you decide to cast her in Strap-On Motel?
MB: I cast Dylan Ryan and she agreed to star in both films Sex Mannequin and Strap-On Motel with her friend London months in advance. These two films were shot back-to-back in a two-day time period.
TR: Where was Strap-On Motel shot?
MB: Strap-On Motel was shot in a quintessential deco hotel in downtown LA. The insert materials were shot months after on the west coast and Paris, France.
TR: Was it shot over a number of sessions or just one period of work?
MB: The core of the film was shot in one day inside a room in the hotel and the insert materials of the neon signs and strip were shot on two separate days months after the interior shoot.
TR: When you are shooting hot lesbian sex as in Strap-On Motel, do you get right up there in the action to get the intimate shots showcased in the film?
MB: I prefer to shoot the extreme close-ups myself so I’m always much closer to the action and intimacy of the sex scenes than the second camera, which maintains a more static establishing shot. Personally, when I’m discreetly shooting the extreme close-ups it becomes clearer to me what is really working and what isn’t — what can be included to enhance the scene and if it’s working as it is. Also, it gives me a head start with the pre-editing process.
TR: Does the action of the performers, the sounds, smells, and physical proximity of them and their sex, affect you and change the way you interact with the creative process?
MB: The more intimate and sexually charged the performers become in the process the closer and more intimate the framing and lighting becomes. I become more focused on the beads of sweat, the twitch of the hand, the quivering lips, to emphasize all the nuances that pull the viewer closer into the intimacy of the lovemaking and ecstasy.
TR: Do you have a sense of who watches your films?
MB: I wish I could say that more women watch my films, but this is not the case. I’ve noticed an increase in the amount of women buying my works on DVD and VOD over the past couple of years, but this has been a slow process since women don’t invest as much in pornography as men do. My films have been showing more frequently in alternative film festivals which has enlightened other audiences to my works rather than via the straight porn/fetish/SM sex market.
TR: Do you get much feedback from your viewers and fans?
MB: I get enough feedback to keep my head out of the clouds but I try not to obsess and focus to much on comments and feedback and to focus on my universe, vision, ideas and desires and to keep the work flowing continuously.
TR: When I first visited Paris I was absolutely in awe of its grandeur, its beauty, its sensuality — not of the people, necessarily, but of the place itself. It’s one of the cities where I can feel the spirit of the place flowing around me as I walk the streets. Does living in Paris affect and inspire you on a daily basis?
MB: Here people are not so obsessed with money like in NY and the states and invest more time in art and culture. The culture and arts is really preserved here, and they really believe in that. So this motivates me to create more frequently and I have much more time to do so as well.
TR: Do you have any plans or hopes to make a quintessentially Parisian sex movie in the future?
MB: Not really, because I don’t feel there is really a quintessential Parisian sex scene happening here for some time now. I think that France is extremely patriarchal and that there is still a prudishness about sex. Eroticism is much more acceptable as an art form than sex here in France. I find it uninspiring to do a quintessentially Parisian sex film when sex is still not acceptable as an art form, and it’s a narrow-minded country when it comes to that.
TR: What are you working on now?
MB: I’m working on my second feature film — a lesbian fetish erotic gothic thriller which will be shot in Berlin, Germany this August, 2008. It’s due for release November 2008 and will hit the festival circuit soon after.
I’m also directing an erotic short film for French TV channel 2, “Belle de Nature,” a movie about eroticism, masochism, and nature. I am teaming up with John Zorn again, who will be doing the music for this film.
TR: What can we expect to see next from you?
MB: “Post Apocalyptic Cowgirls,” “Vampire Sisters,” and “Devirginization of Little Red Riding Hood” are some of the medium-length girl/girl SM porn films I’m releasing throughout 2008.
TR: We’ll look forward to those — thanks, Maria!
Thomas Roche is the Public Relations Manager at Kink.com, has written or edited ten books and blogs about cryptozoology, politics, sex and the Mafia at thomasroche.com.
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Saturday, 17 May 2008
| 12:00 pm
| Videos
Do you like looking at boobies? Then you’re in luck! Reel Classics is a nearly-three-hour extravaganza of vintage breasts, showcasing large and lovely mammaries from an earlier era. Understand, this isn’t a documentary about breast fixation throughout cinematic history. There is no voiceover, no historian of sexuality explaining the context or provenance of what we’re seeing on the screen, just scene after scene (after scene after scene after scene after scene . . .) of big bare breasts through the ages, in glorious grainy black and white. There’s an occasional bit of butt on display, too, but no sex — tellingly, this flick is rated R, so it’s not even remotely hardcore. It’s pure old-school cheesecake erotica, and it’s a breath of fresh air after the usual double-anal gonzo ganbang fetish fare I’m accustomed to reviewing.
There’s a charming innocence and naivete to the scenes, like the opener, with Linda West in a tiara and black gloves and a diamond necklace, shaking her ample assets around and posing in various positions. There are sequined pasties, naked ladies sitting on hay bales, gloriously gratuitous shower scenes, lots of garter belts, funny hairstyles, topless dancing, boobs resting on tables, bare-breasted ladies reading paperback novels, leopardskin blankets, and lots and lots of deep breaths. Everything but jumping on trampolines! I’m not sure of the date range presented here — there’s very little in the way of informational material — but I’m guessing a lot of it is from the ’50s and ’60s. It’s nice to see big natural breasts, and the actual curves of belly and ass that tend to go along with such, but this is a highly monomaniacal video. It is utterly and completely meant for tit men.
Granted, by watching this you’re ogling the breasts of women who are long dead (or at least very old), but here, they’re young and sexy forever in all their cinematic glory. You can enjoy the film as a historical curiosity or as a festival of titty-tastic goodness from a simpler era — either way, Big Top has done the world of smut a service by preserving these lovely fragments of a busty (but by no means dusty!) bygone times.
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Friday, 16 May 2008
| 12:00 pm
| Videos
I’ve had bad experiences with strap-on movies. I’ve seen a lot of them, and most of them, to varying degrees, pretty much suck — the tightness of the focus tends to make them a bit repetitive and unimaginative. I was not expecting much when I received a screener copy of some flick called Strap-on Motel, though in my defense, it was a rather unassuming burned DVD with the title written on in Sharpie (editor’s note: the final copy is professionally packaged, fear not). Based on the title alone, I expected something cheap and crude. Once I heard the smoky blues music, though, and saw the rain-drenched opening scene, and heard the thoughtful voice-over, and saw some familiar and respected indie porn names in the credits — London, Dylan Ryan, Michelle Aston — I began to apprehend that I was looking at something special.
It’s a small, quiet film, rather like a love poem, and it’s all about self-discovery, sexual discovery, and — lest I make it sound too high-minded — strap-on fucking. Irrepressible blonde London and boyish Dylan get together in a motel, kiss, and ride each other. There’s a sort of black-and-white fantasia scene, with both dressed in boy-drag, followed by cocksucking; there’s a scene with them both wearing sexy black gowns and high boots and kissing in an empty bathtub; there’s dildo-riding in a bathroom; boot-licking; a mouth harness; dripping candlewax; a Hitachi Magic Wand. All featuring these two people, all of it carefully considered, beautifully filmed, and artfully composed. A film like this depends entirely on the chemistry of the only two performers, and they work together quite comfortably and naturally.
It’s amazing how some colored filters, interesting camera angles, and soft, poetic voiceover (written and read by the sultry-voiced Ursula Del Aguila) can make what would be simple smut into something high-toned and elegant. Two women, a strap-on, a good soundtrack — what more does a film need? Nothing at all, not when it’s made with as much care and attention as this one was.
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Friday, 16 May 2008
| 12:00 am
| Culture
Anyone who’s read my writing for more than six minutes knows that the question of how we define what is and isn’t sex — and the surprising difficulty of answering that question — is one of my ongoing hobby-horses. One of my earliest and most widely-read pieces, Are We Having Sex Now or What?, is about these very questions — how we define what sex is, how we handle it when these definitions change over our lives, what we do when our definitions conflict with other people’s. I think these are fascinating questions with profound philosophical implications, and it’s a topic I’ve returned to again and again.
Well, I just read something that reminded me of why these questions are important. Not just interesting, not just philosophically profound, but important, with practical, real-world consequences.
It was a letter to Scarleteen, the “sex advice for teenagers” website. It’s a longish letter, and a longer response (both are well worth reading in their entirety), but the title will immediately tell you what’s going on and why I think it’s important.
The title:
“We’re abstinent, but we had anal sex and are scared to death.”
?
The story is almost exactly what you probably think it is. Two teenagers, who have decided to be abstinent until marriage, are playing an extended game of “everything but,” avoiding penis- in- vagina intercourse but otherwise engaging in activities that would make Larry Flynt blush. Including, as you may have guessed from the title of the letter, anal sex.
But because they’re not having what they consider Sex — namely, penis- in- vagina intercourse — they’re not taking responsibility for the fact that they’re in a sexual relationship. They’re not practicing safer sex, and the things they’re doing could easily result in the passing on of sexually transmitted diseases, and even pregnancy. (As the Scarleteen advisor points out, unprotected anal intercourse can result in pregnancy, since semen isn’t very good about staying put.)
In fact, the letter was written in a state of panic, not because the letter- writer was scared that what they’d been doing might be risky, but because she was scared that they’d slipped and somehow done The Real Thing without meaning to.
The idea that some kinds of sexual activity count as Real Sex while others don’t is one of the most common tropes in our sexual culture. Especially among teenagers. It has been for some time: whether it’s heavy petting in the ’50s or oral sex in the ’70s, teenagers have come up with ways to be sexually active without thinking of themselves as sexually active. And while penis- in- vagina intercourse always seems to count as The Real Thing, the sorting of other activities into Sex or Not-sex is almost entertainingly fluid. (I’m actually fascinated by the notion that anal somehow doesn’t count as real sex. When I was a young thing, anal definitely counted. Hell, it counted more. Doing anal meant you were more sexual, more advanced, more of a slut. The generally-accepted heterosexual progression in my day was: fingers, oral, penis- in- vagina intercourse, then anal. So when I read that teenagers today are doing anal before vaginal in order to protect their virginity, a part of me wants to holler at them, “No, no, no! You have that completely out of order!”)
But as common as it is, this idea of the One True Sex is also one of the most pernicious ideas we have. And this letter shows why, in disturbing detail. When people — especially teenagers — fixate on one sexual activity as The One That Counts and disregard other activities as Not Really Sex, they tend to place a disproportionate focus on that One Act, fixating all their sexual hopes and fears onto it. And they do this while ignoring the possible risks — and, of course, the possible benefits — of Just Fooling Around. The possible consequences of sex don’t attach to the things they’re doing. After all, what they’re doing isn’t sex.
Even if they’re getting fucked in the ass.
In a way, I get it. Dividing sex into The Real Thing and Just Fooling Around is a first-class rationalization, a very convenient mental trick for enjoying sexual experimentation without thinking of yourself as a person who has sex. Hell, I did it myself: I did all sorts of sexual things as a teenager, things I would now definitely consider Sex, before I was ready to do what I considered Losing My Virginity. In retrospect, the physical act of intercourse didn’t turn out to be all that special; but the mental line between Virgin and Not-Virgin seemed like a big honking deal at the time. And as long as teenagers are both (a) horny and (b) getting bad information and fucked-up messages from society about sex, I can’t entirely begrudge them the mental gymnastics that allowed me to have all sorts of sexual fun before I felt ready to cross that line.
But if the need to put your sexual activities into the Not Sex category is so strong that it makes you ignore the possible consequences — physical and emotional — of what you’re doing, then there’s a serious problem.
And it’s a problem for parents and teachers and sex educators, too. If you care about unwanted teenage pregnancies and STIs, it’s not enough to teach kids the possible consequences of sex and how to be responsible about them. You need to teach them the possible consequences of whatever the hell it is that they’re doing sexually . . . even if they don’t think of what they’re doing as sex.
I don’t really care if people define anal sex as Real Sex. But I damn well care if they’re using condoms and lube when they do it. And if not calling it Real Sex is keeping you from using condoms and lube, then the question of “whether you’re having sex now or what” stops being a fascinating philosophical exercise that you can ponder at your leisure, and starts being an important, immediate, pragmatic question that you really need to think about now.
P.S. Scarleteen is a mind-bogglingly useful resource for teenagers wanting to get accurate, non-judgmental information about sex. If you think the work they do is important, please consider supporting them.
Greta Christina, copyright © 2008. Be sure to check out Greta’s blog.
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Thursday, 15 May 2008
| 12:00 pm
| Books
Some of you might remember Diana Cage as the host of our earliest podcast episodes. On the podcast she was witty, she was knowledgeable, she was funny and she was fun to talk to. And she brings all these qualities to her latest book, Girl Meets Girl: A Dating Survival Guide. Seriously easy to read, Cage takes you by the hand and skips with you through the world of dating girls. From the obvious (where to meet girls) to the surprisingly necessary (which cocktails you should order) to the sad, but (in Cage’s hands at least) hilarious (how to deal with “dyke drama”), Cage not only gives advice, but gives the reader a fantastically real feel for life as a lesbian. And, if you’re straight, you still might consider checking out this book, if only for her sex tips (how to get her in the mood, how to decorate your bedroom, sex toy advice galore). Truly, this is the most fun I’ve had reading non-fiction in some time! Two fins up!
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Wednesday, 14 May 2008
| 12:00 pm
| Toys
This week I’m bringing you not one, not three, but four new Electrosex Cock Toys, plus one toy that can be used below the waist by either gender. Electrical stimulation, or e-stim, is the practices of sending an electrical current through one’s ergogenous zones, mimicking the body’s nerves to cause the muscles to contract and cause sensations. These sensations can range from just a bit tingly to a far more advanced sharp biting sensation. There is truly nothing else quite like e-stim.
One of the most popular toys for boys in e-stim is the simple cock-ring. In order to give you the greatest number of options in your e-play, we have the Electrosex Cock-Rings in both Bi-Polar and Uni-Polar. The Bi-Polar rings are each a toy unto themselves; although they come with two rings (one about 1-1/2″ inner diameter, the other about 2″ inner diameter), you don’t use them together. The current on the Bi-Polar passes from one side of the ring to the other, so as long as you’re making good contact on both sides, you’ll have your own level of tingly (or stingy) sensation through whatever you put the ring around (your cock alone, or your testicles, etc.). If you want to be able to pass the current down your cock, or from your cock to your balls, you might want to check out the Uni-Polar Cock-Rings. These are wider and more flexible than the Bi-Polar Cock-Rings, but even though these two come in the same sizes as the Bi-Polar Rings, you must use them together in order for them to work. Do not use these guys above the waist (so, no testing them in either hand, people), as there’s a risk of sending a current across your chest, which is the biggest saftey concern in e-stim. But, below the waist, these allow you great variety in how you stimulate your cock and balls.
The rings a bit too plain for you? Want something a bit more tough-looking to better underscore the delicious pain (or nearly pain, depending on how you work your control box) that you’re enduring so bravely, you good boy, you? The Electrosex Cock-Sheath is as pretty as it is potentially painful, a real leather sheath studded inside with 14 flat metal studs (seven on each side) that pass an electrical current from one side of your cock to the other, but along a longer surface area than a mere cock-ring is going to. The fact that this hot-looking sheath laces up means that you can get a good, snug fit and ensure firm contact with all those juice points. Sexy and zappy! We also have the Electrosex Leather Cock-Ring. This one has one leather strap that fits more like a regular cock-ring, and another one that snaps around your shaft. The visual effect is very appealing — everything is thrust out and held up a bit, protruding nicely in front of you. So if you like the feel of a good cock-ring squeezing your whole package, but want to add a bit of zing to that experience, this ring is a great way to dress for shock value.
And, finally, we have the Electrosex Body Clamps. These Uni-Polar clamps are meant for use below the waist, and, as long as you use them there, these are some of the most versatile e-stim toys we carry. Clip ‘em on your labia, your scrotum, the end of your cock, your clit . . . the juice flows between the two clamps, sending delightfully biting sensations just where you want ‘em. Just please, please, please don’t use these above the waist — it’s just too easy for the current to flow over your chest, which can cause a serious medical situation (and those are not sexy). There you have it. Five different ways to put a new spark in your sex life!
Note that all of these toys are attachments; you must use a Digital Electrosex Power Box to power them.
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Wednesday, 14 May 2008
| 10:10 am
| Fishnet
“And I’ll release the security footage to the local news,” he replied. “Do you want that?”
Dani made no answer. There was no point, and she wasn’t sure if she really wanted him to stop. Methodically, he frisked her, taking his time. His hands alternately burned or chilled her; she couldn’t tell if his touch was abnormally hot, or her skin was. His hands slid under the curve of her breasts, then up; cupping, squeezing, stroking her through the lace of her bra. Her back arched before she knew it, pressed her ass and her cuffed hands back against him as he stepped forward. Her fingers traced the hard ridge of his cock through the thin fabric of his trousers, then squeezed once before he stepped back.
Read “The Scarf” in Fishnet, Blowfish’s always-free journal of erotica.
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I’ve waxed poetic before about the delightful combination of sex and geeks, which finds its perfect expression on the internet, natural habitat of the modern geek. Here are a few delicious examples:
Geek Girls Online is kind of a genius idea, a site “Where the girls get naked and they know what ‘Frag’ means!” The motif of “Magic: The Gathering” cards featuring scantily clad girls is pretty clever, even if the site as a whole is a little more low-tech than you’d expect from, well, a sex site catering to geeks. In spirit, if not in execution, it reminds me of the fictional geek-oriented phone/’net sex company Nerdrotica, as seen in one of my favorite webcomics, Something Positive — and a little googling turned up a dead funny spoof site for the company: “Yeah . . . yeah. Tell me more about your archer on Everquest. It get me really, really hot.” It’s where fantasies come true! Only not really, since it’s fake. Oh well. Never stop dreaming!
Speaking of geek-friendly webcomics, I’d be remiss if I ignored Penny Arcade, the famed comic devoted to all forms of gaming (and gratuitous cruelty and other wonderful things). Fortunately, there’s a sex connection to justify the mention. One of the comics introduced the yummily disturbing idea of “dickerdoodles” — penis-shaped cookies. With . . . strategic frosting. Never ones to ignore the demands of the zeitgeist, the Penny Arcade guys put on a dickerdoodle baking contest, and you can see photographic evidence of the results here (if you scroll down). Ah, chocolate pubic hair . . .
I’m not setting out to create a taxonomy of geeks here, but gaming geeks certainly aren’t the only breed. There are also anime-loving geeks, and where there’s anime, there’s hentai anime, which includes (but is not limited to) tentacle porn and the like. Want a bunch of free hentai in small chunks? Check out YouHentai.net, the front page of which currently features “Schoolgirl fucked by acrobats 2,” “Cartoon pussy licking,” “The Elf Bride,” “Sex Warrior,” and other animated celebrations of human and inhuman perversion. The great thing about cartoons, I suppose, is the way you aren’t limited by physics or physiology . . .
Finally, for the sci-fi film fans out there, I give you a list of sex rays and perverted parasites compiled by the good people at io9.com, featuring some of the weirdest imaginary aphrodisiacs ever committed to film. Science holds such promise, don’t you think?
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