Dear Blowfish,
I’m trying to decide between the Jack-of-Hearts, Tsunami Helix, and the Watermelon Double-Ender glass dildos as a present for my girlfriend. What do you recommend?
Well, because every woman is built differently and reacts to stimulation in different ways, it’s hard to say for sure which dildo your girlfriend will like the best. All three are beautiful, high-quality glass dildos. I’d say that the Jack-of-Hearts is best if she’s really into G-spot play, thanks to the slight bend at the top of the toy which makes it easier to reach this fun spot. The Tsunami is a great choice if she wants a smooth, hard, dildo for gentle thrusting (it will also stand up on its own for display purposes, thanks to the flat base). The Watermelon is an excellent choice if you’re not sure exactly what width she’d prefer, as it has a different-sized head on either end and thus more variation.
Happy playing!
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Wednesday, 17 October 2007
| 6:01 pm
| Toys
I definitely have a soft spot in my heart for non-realistic vibes. On second thought, I love realistic ones, too. Ah, vibrators! There’s one around out their to fit most every mood, wouldn’t you agree? The Dolphin Silicone Splash-Proof Vibrator in particular is a very endearing little hummer! Aquatically speaking, you can’t submerge this baby, but this friendly little guy’s here to bring fun back to your bathtub and shower, and to swim on up inside your precious, wet, and willing girly parts! I especially loved the easy-to-use, varied speed dial (again, to fit my many lusty moods) . I love the fact that he’s silicone, because I know he’ll be playing with me and my Honey (mostly me!) for a long, long time, and we dig quick cleanup. Unlike the critters at Sea World, I actually get to take him out and stroke him, and let him stroke me! This sweet silicone faux-mammal plaything is always a pleasant surprise to look at, and to play with.
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Wednesday, 17 October 2007
| 6:00 pm
| Toys
Beautifully designed, the Beanstalk Silicone Butt-Beads‘ gorgeous yet simple design is quite fetching. We always go out of our way to find the most unusual playthings, and I just adore that! The Beanstalk is no exception. Reminiscent of a row of peas nestled snuggly in their pods along a trailing vine that twists neatly into a fetching handle, its graduated bloops are great for training your tushy as you play. My sweetie and I like to call that type of relaxation therapy “bootie-feedback.” Its bendability, while more challenging to grip, allows you to ease into more and more advanced levels of anal play, at your own yummy pace. Each “pea” is an oblong bloop, with a partial “pod” along one side that provides extra sensation as each one enters (or exits) the body. The peas get bigger as they move towards the handle, but rest assured, they allow for beginner, intermediate, and advanced stage. It definitely gives you a feeling of fullness, with less emphasis on thrusting/penetration, and more on exploration. Because it’s so flexible, it’s fine for players with any level of experience. As a butt-play inbetweener myself, this toy was a fun one for me.
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Wednesday, 17 October 2007
| 5:59 pm
| Toys
As I closed my eyes and let this egg-bullet work its magic, I fancied myself on a plane, thrumming along with the Little Blue Egg Silicone Bullet Vibrator, poised on setting number 2 as its oh-so discrete remote control was nestled in my purse . . .. Basically, you can take this little battery-powered sex-machine anywhere, even in the shower. Sturdy and well-designed, it’s also quite tiny (egg: 2-1/2″length 1″wide; controller: 3′1/2 by 1″ wide). Water-resistant, this Little Blue critter is shower-friendly, and features seven remote-controlled “vibe-variations:” 1) Low, 2) Medium, 3) High, 4) Surging, 5) Pulsating, 6) Escalating, and 7) Super Surging. I tend not to like to super-charge my vibes so as to go numb, but I couldn’t resist #7. The name alone was an enticement. I enjoyed the sensation much more so than the noise, but in the right environment (see my earlier mood comment), the noise would add an extra edge to my pussy play. Speaking of pink parts, nipples, lips (all four of them) and any fleshly thing we so desired.
To add to the surreality of what seems like an otherwise inconspicuous, palm-sized toy, it lights up in a kaleidoscope of colors, for giggles sake. Non-porous and hygienic, the hard silicone shell also makes cleanup all too easy. Water-resistant, portable, and dinky (it’s 1″ at its widest points), this remote controlled bullet vibe also lights up when you turn it on—doesn’t everybody?
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Another Blowfishie fave. I delight in these sturdy toy boxes. They’re on my wish list (one can never have too many)! I’m collecting them up and placing them in a very special nook. These fancy, sleek boxes are the upscale way to store your favorite toys, and they come with a shiny silver lock and two keys, so you can lock away your vibrators and dildos from prying eyes or underage curiosities. It comes in all black leather (with white stitching), or black leather with an iridescent red satiny top. These make a great gift by themselves or an incredibly luxurious wrapping for another gift you choose to put within. Highly recommended for you and your not-so guilty pleasures!
Note: The lock and keys come wrapped up together in a white material inside the box; be sure to look for it and not toss it away with the wrapping in your excitement when you open the box. It looks an awful lot like the silica packets that are often also included.
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Wednesday, 17 October 2007
| 5:58 pm
| Books
A bum-lovers’ classic, Masterclass: Anal Sex is so cool (Blowfishie recommended!), we just had to show it to you twice. Quite possibly the hottest information text on anal sex out there, this impressive instruction and picture book achieves its impressive collaboration of turn-on with tune-in by liberally illustrating its pages with actual photographs of anal sex taking place. There are well-drawn illustrations, too, and all the pictures range from modern, full-color photographs to historical drawings and photographs, most of them as explicit as you could hope for and nearly all of them educational in some way (say, demonstrating a position, or the use of a particular sex toy). And, while there are certainly more definitive books about anal sex out there, the text of this one is nothing to sneeze at and covers all the basics in clear, easy-to-follow language. Overall, a very fun way to learn about getting (and giving) it up the bum!
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Wednesday, 17 October 2007
| 5:58 pm
| Videos
Jesse Jane: All-American Girl is a movie that benefits from a mute button. There’s no dialogue, no vocal track at all, nothing but music, which is occasionally inoffensive (just violin or piano music, repetitive but not annoying), but occasionally shades into the maddeningly bad (there’s some kind of overproduced pop crap boy-band stuff in one of the scenes that had me leaping for the volume control on the TV remote). But actually, when you turn down the sound, this is a fun, light movie with a gorgeous headliner who doesn’t seem to take herself too seriously.
The film is packed with hot performers, from Jesse Jane herself (the once up-and-coming bikini model who infamously got into porn because of her insatiable appetite for sex, or so her Internet biographers would have us believe), to cute brunette Celeste Star, to sexy brunette Nadia, to well-endowed brunette Valerie Vasquez . . . hmm, lots of brunettes, there, as if to make Jesse’s all-American blondeness stand out even more. (Oh, wait, except Carli Banks is a blonde, and a very hot one, and the scene where Jesse and Celeste basically manhandle her into fucking them on the library steps is quite nice.) Jesse bouncing around in a cheerleader outfit? A beautiful thing. Jesse really enthusiastically sucking Jerry’s cock in the first scene? A treat. The abundance of knee socks and short skirts on pretty much all the performers? Well, what could be more American than that?
I guess apple pie would be more American than that, and, yeah, there’s some apple pie involved too . . . Jesse and Scott Nails take part in the so-cliched-it-hurts-my-eyes pastime of spraying whipped cream on one another’s soft bits and licking it off, but they did introduce a bit of innovation when Scott jizzed on the pie. Not my dessert topping of choice, but points for originality, I suppose, even if they did rather spoil my taste for pie . . . In one scene Jesse plays paddleball until the rubber band breaks, then she pouts prettily, and then Jerry beats her ass with the paddle, and her skin actually reddens — a shame about the musical track, because the sound of the smacks and her gasps would have made it even better. Jesse fucks Karlie Montana with a candy cane . . . but only after putting a condom on the candy. (Which is both considerate and somehow really funny.) Celeste Star has a solo scene where she pours herself some cereal and does her best to make that very everyday experience look erotic, which is funny, too (and, of course, she pours milk on her nipples and so forth). All in all it’s a whimsical, light movie with a gorgeous cast, so I’ll forgive the sometimes-awful music.
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Look, don’t take this the wrong way. I mean, I’m a geek. For [insert deity here]’s sake, I write science fiction for a living! Well, mostly fantasy, but occasionally SF, and I run in science fiction circles. (Heck, as a published SF author, I’m at the top of the geek hierarchy!) So understand I mean no insult when I say: there’s a lot of damn geeky porn out there. For instance:
The Klingon Sex Manual. Everybody’s favorite warlike bumpy-headed aliens need lovin’ too, after all. It’s fan fiction about the perils of interspecies sex, but it also includes a practical guide, with advice like “To the Klingon, battle and lovemaking have much in common. No Klingon life is complete without both experiences, and they invest themselves fully in those experiences. A Klingon is not shy about expressing either desire or pleasure.” It goes on from there. As you might imagine, lots of biting is involved. I also appreciated the disclaimer: “Klingon sexual practices may be potentially dangerous to humans.” Such advice is more precious than gold.
Vue Weekly recently had an article on the ubiquitous sexual elements in modern video games, and how weshouldn’t take them for granted; we children of the ’80s remember a time, after all, when the closest thing to sexy you could find in a video game was the end of Metroid when alien ass-kicker Samus stripped down and revealed herself to be a woman. Then along came Tomb Raider’s Lara Croft, and eventually the likes of Bloodrayne . . . and, well, I could do a whole column on video game cheesecake, and maybe someday I will.
Speaking of games, the most highly-anticipated game this year was probably Halo 3, and while you wouldn’t think there’d be a lot of sexy in a game where the human characters wear elaborate full-body armor and the aliens are mostly non-humanoid, you’d be somewhat wrong. Granted, the sexy isn’t in the game itself, but you can follow that link for a glimpse of online auctions of Halo 3 where hot babes sexed up the merchandise with a little judicious semi-nudity. Bless the free market!
Finally, no discussion of geeks and sex would be complete without mentioning the ever-popular geek pastime of masturbation. Take this quiz to test your masturbation IQ. Do you know what The Stranger is? Do you know what “edging” is? Answer well, and prove yourself a master masturbator!
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Sex nerds know his name; psychology students study him; his life is outrageously amusing and strangely puzzling to anyone who pays very close attention. He’s late-nineteenth-century German-Austrian psychiatrist Richard Freiherr von Krafft-Ebing, he kicked around from 1840-1922, and though he studied a wide variety of psychiatric subjects, his studies of human sexuality will forever be his most profound legacy. The book he’s most remembered for is the legendary Psychopathia Sexualis, a book on sexual perversion which provides, as one of my pervy friends puts it, “Some of the best jerkoff material you’ll ever find.”
First published in 1886, Psychopathia Sexualis was the result of Krafft-Ebing’s studies in mental institutions where he discovered a choice datum or two — for example, that psychokillers, rapists and other lunatics jerk off — and drew some bizarre conclusions — for instance, that psychokillers, rapists and other lunatics are such precisely because they jerk off.
The book differentiates between four different types of pathological sexual desire, some of them a whole lot more fun than others. First there’s paradoxia sexual desire at the wrong time of life, when one is too young (a child) or too old (too old to make a baby, which was a big deal in Krafft-Ebing’s way of thinking). Then there’s anesthesia, insufficient desire (sleepy-girl fetishists would doubtless take issue), hyperesthesia, excessive desire (eg, not putting that thing away when Krafft-Ebing wished you would put it away), and my favorite — and, I’m guessing, yours — paraesthesia, sexual desire for the wrong reason, or directed at the wrong thing — that magnificent pair of six-inch stilettos, for example, or that little six-inch silicone number that’s been flirting with you, or the handsome trucker in a muscle shirt if you happen to also be a handsome trucker in a muscle shirt. Krafft-Ebing’s paraesthesia, you see, includes homosexuality, which was a criminal offense in Germany and the Austro-Hungarian Empire, assuming there were dongs involved — lesbianism wasn’t against the law, though for his part Krafft-Ebing certainly didn’t give the lesbos a thumbs-up — Psychopathia includes a nastygram to them as well.
What’s most fascinating to me about Krafft-Ebing’s definition of perversion is that it included anything that interfered with procreation or derived pleasure from non-procreative sex — but excluded any behaviors that could get somebody knocked up.
My favorite example is male masochism and/or submission: to Krafft-Ebing, that was freaky. A guy wanting to be tied up was definitely a perversion, because it could interfere with procreation, whereas female masochism was not, because a bound woman can still be impregnated, hooray! (No need to talk about his conflation of bondage-bottoms and masochists . . . that’s seriously the least of our worries with Krafft-Ebing). Similarly, rape might be a crime and a psychological problem — but it was not a perversion, because it did not interfere with procreation.
Krafft-Ebing was well aware that the general public would be fascinated by his work, and he gave it a Latin title — and wrote the book’s more salacious passages in Latin — to discourage non-academic study of the text . . . which is a nice way of saying he didn’t want Johann Blöw getting the pages all sticky. (My friend who proclaims Psychopathia the best jerkoff material around, incidentally, happens to read Latin.)
Subsequent publishers have translated both the German and the Latin passages. Like most Victorian psychiatric texts, it’s dull as hell. However, the real meat of the book, and the part that does make pretty perverse reading, is to be found in the case studies of sexual deviance, which read like they were either heavily embellished or completely made up. When I was a kid, my school was visisted by an LAPD narc who regaled us with tales of people who dropped acid for the first time and killed and ate their pets with hollandaise sauce, then cut their own faces off and jump out a 5th-floor window thinking they can fly. The case studies in Psychopathia read kind of like that, only infinitely more stodgy.
Atlanta filmmaker Bret Wood used these case studies as the source material for his 2006 film Psychopathia Sexualis. This bizarre film, which was pretty much ignored by the critics (who, I believe, didn’t get that it was both a satire and a phenomenally complicated in-joke) dramatizes a selection of Krafft-Ebing’s case studies with a poker face that has to be seen to be believed. Rendered in an agonizingly serious tone, the flick is (intentionally) one of the funniest damn things a pervert will ever see, and desperately needs to play midnight at the Castro on Halloween.
I think I’ll dress up as Krafft-Ebing himself; you’ll find me way up on the balcony, sucking on a stilletto heel and fervently interfering with procreation.
Thomas Roche is the managing editor of Eros Zine, teaches at San Francisco Sex Information, and also blogs on sex, drugs and cryptozoology at thomasroche.com.
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Friday, 12 October 2007
| 12:00 am
| Advice
Now that you’ve perfected your anal penetration skills with fingers and toys, you might feel ready to move onto a real, live penis. Horary! For an optimal first-time experience, I’ve organized some helpful tidbits of information to digest before you lube up and get down.
First and foremost, the cock sliding in and out of your tight little anus has nerve endings of its own. Even if your beau is totally in sync with your desires, he may find it’s substantially harder to control his movements when being inside of you feels so fantastic. Men, this is the ultimate test of self-control. If your sub tells you to go buck-wild and fuck them like an animal, go to town. But if at any moment they ask you to slow down, to not do that but do this instead, or pull out, it is vital, and I do mean vital, that you comply.
Unlike fingers or dildos that can start and stop with your every whim, the man controlling his member is unlikely to know how you want him to move. You are responsible for your own pleasure which may necessitate telling him how much to put in, how much to pull back, how fast he can thrust, how deep, when to let loose, when to freeze, and when it’s time to get the heck out.
What if my lover isn’t interested in having anal sex with me?
Simple. Find a new lover.
No, just kidding.
Many people say no to anal play because of their preconceived notions about what is involved. This goes for both the topping partner as well as the bottoming one. Sit your lover down in a non-sexual situation, over coffee and scones perhaps, and ask them (nicely!) if they will talk to you about their reservations. Most anal-negative people I’ve met have issues with some combination of the dirtiness factor, the potential smell, the STI risk, the fear of hurting their partner, or that doing someone in the butt will mean that they are gay.
It will help your conversation if you listen to these fears and not just shoot them down as inconsequential. After all, they make sense when we consider all of the societal messages we’ve internalized about our butts. Review “Myths of Anal Sex” from last week, talk about them together, and see what comes of it.
Running the risk of stereotyping my eager male friends, I would be remiss to not mention reciprocity. Men, if you are excited to anally penetrate your partner, you have to play fair. If they are reluctant to offer up the booty, take one for the team and let them do you first! There is no reason they should bend over for you unless you are willing to give back in kind and give it a try.
All of the proactive information in the world might not inspire them to have anal sex with you. If this is the case, it is up to you to get creative. Would they give consent for you to wear a butt-plug into a non-anal sexual encounter as long as they don’t have to insert it? Would they watch while you showed them that anal masturbation really gets you off? Would they settle for cuddling up on the sofa to watch one of the many fabulous “how to” anal movies? Demystify the act, talk about it, and hopefully y’all will come around to a satisfactory arrangement that gets you naked in one heck of a hurry.
Next step, getting tab A into slot B.
The big difference between anal penetration with fingers/toys and anal with a penis is more than the size, though the size matters. Penile penetration takes the pleasure of two people into consideration, thereby changing some of the movements and angles for the receptive bottom.
I simply cannot stress enough the necessity of moving slowly and breathing deeply. It might take numerous tries before his cock slides home without a fuss so don’t expect a perfect fit right away.
When you’re ready to begin, slowly tease the rim of your asshole with a lubed finger or tongue until it begins to relax. Foreplay here is important. If you aren’t turned on when your ass is approached, it will be exponentially harder to get your anal sphincter to relax. Interact with your lover in a way that you know will turn you both on. Even consider having some full-on genital play. The sexier, the better.
After getting good and hot, penetrate your anus with something slender; a finger, beginner’s dildo, or a small butt-plug are all great options. We do this to prime the sphincter, inducing relaxation with a pleasurably small item to warm it up for what’s to come.
When you feel relaxed and ready to proceed, do so with finesse. Press the tip of the penis against the edge of the asshole and press the tip in slowly. If you aim for the middle of the hole, your angle will likely be off. Press in at a 45-degree angle as if you are trying to bump the belly button via a route through the abdomen. If you feel pain, back off a few millimeters until the sensation subsides and take a few, deep breaths. Then press back in.
When I get nervous during anal, I often have trouble relaxing my sphincter enough to keep penetration from pinching. My trick to make everything relax is doing the precise opposite movement. Clench all of your anal muscles as tightly as possible for a few seconds, then let go. Clench again, then relax. After a few repetitions, I gain control over my sphincter and have an easier time accepting larger toys into my body a few millimeters at a time. It may take weeks of trying to get there, but practice will make the master.
Once you get all the way in, I cannot over estimate how nice it can feel for the top to just sit still and let the bottom adjust to the sensation. It is quite a personal thing, being inside someone’s anus. It’s warm and cozy in there, plush in a way that would make any vagina pink with envy. If you take some time to marvel in this sensation together, syncing your movements will be that much easier and your bottom will be substantially better off.
Most importantly, explore and enjoy yourselves! Anal play can be incredibly powerful, so don’t be surprised if you find yourself laughing or crying without having the foggiest idea why. Anal play forces lovers to be vulnerable with one another, and gaining sexual fulfillment while allowing yourself to open fully is a beautiful thing. Give yourself and your lover permission to explore your bodies and their many capabilities and you might be surprised at the many sensations that await you.
— Rebekah Skoor, MA
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Thursday, 11 October 2007
| 12:00 am
| Culture
I wrote about this in a comment on Rebekah’s Wetting the Bed with Pride piece; but I think it’s an under-addressed topic, so I want to bring it into the limelight and give it its own post.
A huge amount of sex education has been done in recent years on female ejaculation and the G-spot. But there’s a crucial piece of information—crucial to me, anyway—that often gets overlooked. And that’s the fact that the former doesn’t necessarily require the latter.
Or, to put it less formally: I can and do squirt without my G-spot being touched. I ejaculate from external stimulation all by itself.
And it’s highly improbable that I’m the only one. I haven’t done research and have no idea what the numbers might be, so for the most part I’m just going to talk about my own experience here. But if I can squirt just from clit stimulation, I’ll bet you a hundred dollars that at least some other women can as well.
So here’s my experience. I’m a fairly frequent, fairly copious squirter. It doesn’t happen every time my Lovely Testing Partner and I have sex, but it happens often enough that whenever we Do It, we get out some sort of sex blanket as a matter of course. (More on sex blankets in a bit.)
And I don’t need G-spot stimulation to make it happen. In fact, I don’t need penetration at all. I’ve ejaculated just from using my vibrator on the outside of my clit. Hell, I’ve ejaculated just from having my nipples played with. And I’ve ejaculated many, many times from having my Lovely Testing Partner play with my clit All without anything, or anyone, going anywhere near my G-spot, or even inside my pussy at all.
For me, it usually happens when I’ve been aroused and excited for a long time before I come. It rarely happens with quickies. I’m not sure what the physiology of that might be, but I’m guessing that a long stretch of being turned on gets the glands that secrete the ejaculate working . . . so when I finally do come, they’re juiced up and ready to go. (Any physiologists out there with theories or info about this, please holler. I’m curious.)
It doesn’t often happen when I masturbate. But I think that has less to do with any mechanics or angles of masturbation versus partner sex, and more to do with the fact that, when I masturbate, I tend to make it a quickie. And see above re: longer foreplay being far more likely to make ejaculation happen. (As a matter of fact, the first time I ever squirted I was masturbating . . . and yes, it was purely external clit stimulation, with nothing inside my hoo-hah at all.)
I suppose it’s possible that I’m somehow stimulating my G-spot, clenching or squeezing it without being aware of it. But it sure doesn’t feel that way. I realize that that’s anecdotal evidence, and I’m always death on anecdotal evidence and how it doesn’t prove jack. But I am talking about my own experience here . . . and my experience is that, when I’m getting my clit (or my nipples) played with hard enough to squirt, I’m not feeling it inside me at all. When it happens—and in the lovely buildup to it happening—I’m barely even aware of the inside of my pussy. I’m focused 100% on what’s happening with my clit (or my nipples, as the case may be).
In any case, I’m not sure it matters. If what’s happening is that I’m getting so excited from my clit or nipples being played with that I’m clenching my pussy around my G-spot without realizing it . . . that’s fine. It still proves my point. Which is that you don’t necessarily need direct G-spot stimulation, or indeed any penetration at all, to make female ejaculation happen.
Why is this important?
Two reasons.
One: Not all women enjoy penetration. Some women don’t like it at all, and others like it okay but can take it or leave it. I want these women to know that female ejaculation might still be an option for them.
Two, and maybe more importantly: A lot of women hold back on ejaculation because they think it’s pee, and they don’t want to pee the bed—or sofa, or kitchen floor, or wherever they’re doing it. Women are starting to get the message that female ejaculation isn’t pee . . . but if they’re feeling the urge to squirt when they don’t have anything inside them, and they haven’t gotten the message that you don’t need G-spot stimulation to squirt, they may still mistakenly think they’re dealing with an urge to pee . . . and they may still hold back.
Which brings me to Greta’s Quick and Dirty Female Ejaculation Instructions. Not applicable to all women, but probably applicable to some.
When you’re having sex or masturbating, do you ever feel a strong feeling like you have to pee—even if you know you don’t? Even if you emptied your bladder fifteen minutes ago, right before your started your shenanigans?
That’s it.
That’s a female ejaculation trying to happen.
Go with it. Let it happen.
That’s it. Those are the instructions.
You may find that you want G-spot stimulation, or even need it, to bring this feeling on. But you may not. You may even find G-spot stimulation at the crucial moment to be an annoying distraction. I do.
And don’t make yourself crazy by being all goal-oriented about it. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t. I personally love ejaculating, it feels great and enhances the intensity of my orgasms. But not all women do it, and not all women care. If you can’t or don’t ejaculate . . . well, I can’t or don’t eat broccoli, and I still manage to live a rich, full life. Don’t worry about it.
Do be prepared for it, though.
Which brings me to my last bit of advice on this topic. I don’t normally endorse products in this column, usually because it isn’t relevant. But if you enjoy ejaculation or want to try it, but you don’t like the rather daunting wet spot it can create, I suggest you try either the very unsexily-named “incontinence pads” from medical supply houses . . . or the Fascinator Shag Throe Blanket. Problem totally solved. They’re designed for this very purpose, and they work like a charm. And they can help relieve any lingering fear that you might be peeing the bed. (Towels do not cut it. When I squirt, I squirt a lot, and it soaks right through a towel.) Incontinence pads are cheaper and take up less space in your bedside drawer, the Throe Blanket is sexier and more sensual to lie on, and covers a much bigger area. Pick whichever one suits your lifestyle and your squirting habits. Have fun, and let me know how it goes!
Greta Christina, copyright © 2007. Be sure to check out Greta’s blog.
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Dear Blowfish,
Any recommendations for a lube for vaginal dryness?
For vaginal dryness, whether due to hysterectomy or menopause or what-have-you, silicone lubes, such as Eros Body Glide, are often the answer. They’re very slick and stick around a long time without getting sticky (they just get less slippery). The only trick is that you can’t use them with silicone toys. If you’d prefer a water-based option, Eros also makes Eros Aqua Formula, which feels more like real sex juices than any other lube we’ve encountered and it is entirely flavorless.
Happy playing!
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Wednesday, 10 October 2007
| 2:07 pm
| Toys
Blowfish’s Buttravaganza week is most certainly a hard act to follow (and so much fun to get behind!), but even though this week’s featured toys aren’t necessarily meant to go up your butt (though a couple of them could be put there), they’re actually some of the coolest products we’ve seen in some time. Yes, even the one you really can’t insert back there.
The evolution of the double dildo has had some impressive leaps in recent years. Back in the day, a double dildo was stick-straight — two regular old dildos stuck end-to-end, apparently to add sensation to that “scissoring” motion that some straight men assume is the only (or even main) way that lesbians have sex (side note: it’s not). Then, back in the late ’90s, the Nexus came on the scene with a much better, ergonomically-shaped double dildo that angled the wearer’s side up, allowing the protruding dildo to stand out from the body (instead of pointing down), much more like a real cock. Then we got the Feeldoe, with its cunning bulb-shaped dildo on the wearer’s side which provides extra G-spot stimulation.
The latest double-dildo design, the Share Silicone Double Dildo, takes this idea of G-spot stim to a whole new level, with a larger bulb with a bent angle to rub on this most delightful of places. Much like the Feeldoe, it narrows towards the bottom, which makes play without a harness doable, and the well-designed connection between the wearer’s bulb and the receiver’s dildo features a scooped-out area that neatly cups a woman’s bits (ending in a sweet little ridge that rubs right on the clitoris, at least it did on our test clitoris; bodies are different, yadda yadda yadda . . .). With its fresh design, this new baby is quite the impressive new plaything! Availability is limited, but we’ve got more on the way soon, so why not be a little greedy, come on over, and get your “share?”
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Wednesday, 10 October 2007
| 2:06 pm
| Toys
Mama loves her Bigboi, yes she does! Though I’m not all that much of a size queen, I had no choice but to be impressed by this, our latest realistic cock (he looks like the real thing, though size-wise it’s actually only realistic in urban legends, porn and your high-school boyfriend’s dreams). With a huge ridged head (about 2″ wide), sizable testicles, and a look and feel as smooth as skin, the Bigboi Silicone Dildo is as veined and erect as any real-life willy, and the giddy, curious little girl in me just loved to squeeze, squeeze, squeeze him! His ultra-realistic feel and 8-1/2″ hang is among my personal favorites when my Honey and I do our little genderfuck scenarios. Noted for the exceptionally full feeling he provides, Bigboi’s ideal for strap-on shenanigans or fucking by hand. Our only caveat: make sure your eyes aren’t bigger than your orifice before you order this puppy.
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Wednesday, 10 October 2007
| 2:06 pm
| Toys
Swedish-designed, regal, and refined, the Yva Rechargeable Precious Metal Vibrator could be likened to the Godiva of vibes. The first words that came to mind when I saw her were, “I want . . .”; we here at Blowfish think you’ll feel the same. Deemed as “the ultimate in luxury pleasure objects” (much like her sisters the Gigi, the Nea, and a lovely line of even more designer vibes we’ll be rolling out for you sooner rather than later), her shimmy, shine and shape dazzles and beguiles, and is as delightful to gaze upon as she is to nuzzle and bump up against. Her shape is gently curved to hug the vaginal lips (or perineum, testicles, clit or elsewhere) and to send delicious vibrations deep into your most sensitive places. As sexy as she is comfortable, the Yva is rechargeable, splash proof, and stunning to behold. She comes in both a Stainless Steel model that shines like molten silver and an 18 karat Gold version that is so beautiful it will make you stutter . . . or come (depending on what you are doing with it). Yva resonates with your body heat, and well — we don’t call her “precious metal” for nothing!
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Wednesday, 10 October 2007
| 2:05 pm
| Books
Renowned erotica mavens Rachel Kramer Bussel and Alison Tyler’s book, Hide and Seek: 21 Tales of Exhibitionism & Voyeurism has a lovely, playful tone, one that really grants you permission to tap into that prurient, childlike sensuality (much like the game that the anthology is named after). The voyeurs and exhibitionists herein have a refreshing awareness about their predilections, rather than any sort of hidden or forbidden mentality. The folks in these stories know they’re being watched, (or are proud of watching), and push the envelope and flirt with sexual tension in a way that made me melt into each vignette. Though the scenarios are primarily boy-girl (and boy-girl-boy), women (well aware they’re fully entitled to ogle and be ogled) predominate. At her behest, a woman’s lover buys her very own prostitute display window for her in Amsterdam’s famed Red Light District (”Red Light, Green Light,” Shanna Germain). An exhibitionist porn starlet’s creamiest girl-girl action fantasy comes true, on camera, filmed by a female director (”Interview with a Porn Star,” Radclyffe). A hunky window cleaner’s big bulge and penchant for flashing it seduces a woman who has the best seat in the office — you guessed it - the window seat ( Counting the Days, Saskia Walker). These intense stories explore the yin-yang dynamics and pleasures of the observer and observed, sans shame, predictability, or trench coats. The only thing to expect here is lots of flirting, fondling, and jacking and jilling off.
Wednesday, 10 October 2007
| 2:05 pm
| Videos
While there’s nothing new in videos this week, we’re glad to have some select DVDs back in stock from Libido Films. Orgasm! The Faces of Ecstasy is a longtime Blowfishie fave, coming (ahem) highly recommended. Featuring extreme close-ups of various people having orgasms, it’s at once hot and intimate, diverse and just plain naughty! A great film for couples, Stories of Oh!, Part 1 is a collection of six vignettes about women who are simply not going to take “no” for an answer when it comes to their own pleasure. An erotic, friendly voyeuristic viewpoint pervades the film, and that was very much to our taste. Urban Friction, a delightfully edgy indie flick, is beautifully filmed, and most definitely makes you expect the unexpected. Both the story and the sex have a level of reality to them that highlight the friction; what happens in a relationship after the first blush has faded? All three films are decidedly hot and yummy. Enjoy!
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I’ve written about the obvious intersection between sex and athletes before, so just to recap: people who excel at endeavors involving their bodies tend to have really beautiful bodies, and there’s no shortage of websites devoted to the enjoyment of such bodies. Let’s tee off:
Sports blog Winning the Turnover Battle compiled a list of Sports Hotties You Don’t Know . . . Yet. Sorted by sports (including golf, basketball, soccer, softball, gymnastics, and tennis), this is an admirable round-up of up-and-coming ladies who win at their chosen professions and also win at being hot. That same blog hosted an NFL Rookie (Cheerleader) Preview that’s . . . um . . . that is . . . sorry. Lost my train of thought. Cheerleaders. Mmmm. That’s what I meant to say.
Naked Fitness Models is just what is says: hard-bodied fitness models who, at some point, took off their clothes and got photographed. Does that count as sports-related? Well, one of the women featured, Zdenka Podkapova, was a professional gymnast before she became a nude model, so I say yes! (My criteria are rather loose, it’s true.)
The unpleasantly named Sports Bitches Blog brings together cheesy porn photos with sexy pictures of real athletes, and there are some nice ones here here, including lovely shots of Anna Kournikova, America’s longtime favorite hot tennis player.
I’m American. I don’t claim to understand cricket, though I know some Australians who swear it’s the best sport ever. If all the games were played Bikini Cricket style, I would be more easily convinced. (There’s even a video of the athletes in action that you can download.) Yum. That’s a sticky wicket. (Yep. The term “sticky wicket” comes from cricket. See? Read this column and you learn things.)
I don’t know if he’s actually a professional athlete, but the guy pictured in Fantasticmag’s “Support Your Local Athlete pictorial is gorgeous enough that I doubt you’ll care about his possible amateur status. Sure, it’s basically a catalog spread for athletic underwear, but I’ve got no beef with commerce when it involves that much beefcake.
A team in the women’s Spanish handball league recently found itself strapped for cash, and made the reasonable decision to pose naked for a magazine to raise enough money to finish the season. (I’ll leave “handball” and “handjob” jokes as an exercise for the reader.) Game on!
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This past weekend, Kink.com’s Porn Palace in San Francisco was overrun by a small cadre of die-hard geeks, theory nerds, sex freaks, average Joes and Janes, and every other flavor of folk fascinated by the intellectual and physical intersection of sex and technology. It was Arse Electronika, an event conceived and created by Vienna arts organization Monochrom.
The fun got started Friday night, which what I gathered from later description was a spirited series of performances involving farts, balloons, fucking machines and a pleasure-enabled mannequin. However, I wouldn’t know, as I had to miss Friday for prior obligations. Nonetheless, Friday’s proceedings set a tone for the weekend: Matt Ganucheau’s tech-art project Moaning Lisa could often be heard doing her thing. Lisa’s a hacked department-store pleasurebot with touch-responsive metal pads on her pudenda and the sweet spot of her ass, not to mention stereo knobs on her nipples. Fondle her a bit and she lets out a porntastic yowl that could occasionally be heard underneath a lecture on home video technology or a clipshow on European porn features.
Saturday was the day that almost killed me. Like a carbohydrate addict allowed in the back door of Wonka, Inc., I saw the agenda and couldn’t see missing a single presentation. The gig got started late, and Mark Dery’s keynote, listed as “Paging Dr. Moreau: ‘Humanimal’ Porn in the Age of Xenotransplants and Genetic Chimera” turned out to have been replaced with his aggressive and insightful talk and slideshow on porn, masculinity and the culture wars. I didn’t care; much as I always look forward to humanimal porn, it was such a brilliant and thought-provoking treatment of why, in Dery’s view, porn is important and why porn is dangerous, that any retitling was forgiven. The rest of Saturday is a blur; Carol Queen took the stage to talk vibrators and passed around samples of historical vibes from the Victorians through the ’50s; Jonathan Coopersmith gave a concise, clever and illuminating overview of the “democritization” of porn through home video technology, including coverage of the early-’80s swinger scene; Kyle Machulis gave what was quite possibly my favorite talk, on DIY sex toys and on teledildonics or cyberdildonics — sex machines or pleasure devices that are remotely controllable over computer.
The afternoon cooked along with Violet Blue channelling LOLCats in “Ceiling Cat Hates Your Porn,” a talk about sexual privacy online that covered 2257 regulations, corporate malfeasance and conservative political agendas. Vivid-Alt impresario Eon McKai then joined Violet for a discussion of viral marketing and mainstream porn films. Tina Lorenz showed a series of wonderfully hillarious clips from European porn films to illustrate the porn attitude toward technology; Stefan Lutschinger looked at Marxist theory, European porn and the birth of Modernism; David Dempsey riffed on the role porn can play in personal development through a series of personal stories. To close the evening, I joined Autumn Tyr-Salvia of VaginaPagina.com in a two-person panel on how the web can enable — and problematize — sex education.
Are you getting the picture? These days were PACKED, and by the time I stumbled home from BART at oh-dark-thirty Sunday morning I was wiped. So wiped, in fact, that I took much of Sunday off and, this time getting caught in Blue Angels bridge traffic, missed Annalee Newitz’s “A Futurist’s History of Sexual Technology. Thomas Ballhausen then addressed European adult remakes of the sort that the bizarre “Porn Wars” is a notable recent example.
Working on my slideshow for my 9pm panel, I had to miss a quartet of what looked to be fascinating talks — sex and computation, unintended porn on Web 2.0, porn and art, and “A Brief History of Cultural Genitals.” Much as it pained me to miss such a big chunk of programming, the gig was being video streamed to Austria and the whole thing will be available soon online. I made it back to the fold just in time for Aaron Muszalski’s “Behind the (Green) Screen Door: Exploring the Untapped Potential of Digital Visual Effects in Pornography,” a concise talk that was part overview of how visual effects are used in Hollywood movies, part summary of the current 3D DIY porn and erotic machinima scene, and part argument for the inevitability of photorealistic tentacle porn (sort of).
Another magnificent presentation came with Timothy Archibald’s “Sex Machines: Photographs and Interviews. How small town inventors are changing America,” a slideshow from Archibald’s book Sex Machines. He set out to photograph people throughout the country who had made DIY sex machines, either for their own pleasure (or their partner’s) or as a business. The resultant anecdotes and photgraphs are at once hillarious, perplexing, illuminating, and inspiring.
Again I helped close out the night, with a spirited panel bringing back Violet Blue and Kyle Machulis and adding Monochrom curator Johann Grenzfurther, for a talk on how technology affects the creative process. By that time, closing in on midnight, we were all a little ragged around the edges; nonetheless, we re-explored many of the topics from the weekend and somehow managed to bring it around to the liberation of humankind. The audience joined in for a great Q&A in which it became clear that the die-hards who had stuck it out to the witching hour were still very much with us.
In the end, summarizing Arse Electronika is like trying to transmit sex over a machine — you can get at it, but how close you get depends on too many factors to figure. As I mentioned, Monochrom will be making the video available for general consumption, free (the Open Source concept, not incidentally, was an almost constant theme throughout the weekend).
But here’s the short version: These spirited explorations of intellectual, carnal, legal, technological, sociological, psychological, and creative topics, generally all at the same time, were enough to convince me that we’re living — and I’m lucky enough to work part-time at the epicenter of — a cultural explosion of sex tech that got me thinking of Warhol’s Factory, Gerard Malanga, and whip dances. By the time we reached the last panel I would have cheerfully launched into a hoarsely-rendered bawdy song or two, which would have been entirely appropriate — since Kink.com could have provided any number of whips and in the audience, I’m betting, were several pairs of Malanga-Woronov stand-ins. Luckily for the audience, I seemed to have forgotten my guitar.
Such paralels between creative eras are, of course, absurd — the time we’re living in now is not the late ’60s and the artists and thinkers working on transgressive and sexual material today keep their own counsel as much as it is possible to do so — which is to say, commerce rules art more often than not in today’s arena, and while art never sleeps, she very often rolls over.
But at 11:30 on a Sunday, everything seems possible, which is the overriding theme of Arse Electronika, and, I hope, every artistic scene in every era.
Thomas Roche is the managing editor of Eros Zine, teaches at San Francisco Sex Information, and also blogs on sex, drugs and cryptozoology at thomasroche.com.
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Friday, 5 October 2007
| 12:00 am
| Advice
Newcomers to anal play often get bogged down with apprehension about their butts and never discover how wonderful anal stimulation can feel. I’ve seen hundreds of noses wrinkle in disgust whenever sex talk veers towards the behind. In the words of an early lover, “Newsflash, Rebekah: That’s where poop lives! No way am I going to fuck you there so do me a favor and quit asking.” Well, humph!
When we consider how much we are socialized to never touch our assholes, one can imagine how much emotional charge can be gained from doing just that. Butt-play is loaded with power dynamics that often surprise and delight even the most experienced lovers.
If you’re new to anal play and want to get prepped for pleasure, I recommend learning how to pleasure your ass on your own before anything resembling a penis or a dildo gets within five feet of your privates. I think of introducing another person to my ass as Step Two. This week, we’ll tackle butt introductions. By next week, you’ll be so in touch with your asshole that bringing a lover into your butt-scapades will be as easy as flipping off the light switch.
First off, congratulations! Being willing to get acquainted with your genitals and “private places” is not always an easy decision. Many myths surround anal play, so let’s get those out of the way before we get started.
- Myth: I’m going to get poop everywhere.
- This is the numero uno fear about anal sex, so if you are worried, you are not alone. Yes, you might see some poo, but it won’t be very significant. The rectum, the last segment of your large intestine, is really more of a final passageway to the outside than long-term storage for shit. It is far more likely that you will encounter some poo smudges that anything three-dimensional. But even if you do bump into some scat, big deal! It’s poop, not unearthed weapons of mass destruction. Throw down a towel, buy yourself some gloves or condoms, put baby wipes next to the bed, or give yourself a gentle enema half an hour prior to playtime and put your fears to rest.
- Myth: This is going to hurt, a lot.
- Anal should never hurt if you do it correctly. We’ll talk more about how to make sure of this a little later on.
- Myth: If I keep playing with my ass, soon my sphincter won’t close and I will lose control of my bowels.
- Not going to happen. Your sphincter muscle can be taught to relax to allow waste to slip out or pleasurable objects to slip in with ease. Damaging the sphincter is an agonizing experience, one that can easily be avoided with intentional movements.
- Myth: If I can milk my prostate, I’m guaranteed the best orgasms of my life.
- Maybe yes, maybe no. Many, many men love the sensation of internal pressure on their prostates. But, as with all things, your mileage may vary.
- Myth: My lover will never do this with me, for me, or to me.
- While I cannot speak for your lover, I hope that understanding anal pleasure will help demystify and normalize the experience for everyone involved. Next week we will cover partnered anal play in depth and, with any luck, we will get someone bent over your foot board in no time.
- Myth: If my female lover penetrates me anally, it will turn me into a gay man.
- Nothing you or anyone else can do to your body will “make” you gay. Sexual orientation revolves around the gender of your desired sexual partners, not the way your body is touched or the activities you engage in behind closed doors.
Ready to begin?
You’re gonna need some lube, and lots of it. I recommend getting lube that stays wet a long time without getting sticky. Your ass does not self lubricate like vaginas or cocks, so it will need some help to stay slippery enough for you to get inside. Silicone lubes works great in the ass (although not so great on silicone toys) and is perfect for fingers or anything draped with latex. I also love Liquid Silk, the water-based lube of champions.
The key to anal penetration is relaxation. Get comfortable on a soft surface like a bed or sofa. I find being on my back gives me the best access to my bottom, but if you feel more comfortable on your knees or stomach, by all means pick your own position.
Start off this session with some good ‘ol genital masturbation. Get your blood flowing, but try not to work yourself towards orgasm just yet.
Apply some lube to a finger or two on your most competent hand and gently rub it across and around your asshole. If you’re concerned about getting your hands dirty, or if you have cuts on your fingers or simply want a smoother finger surface, slip on a latex glove. Try to keep your focus on breathing and feeling the sensations. As you massage around the opening, try clenching your sphincter muscle as if you are stopping a bowel movement. Then relax your sphincter back into its resting state. Try that a few times, feeling the difference in the texture of the skin and keeping tabs on what feels good.
As you rub the rim and examine the crannies and wrinkles of your hole, see if you can rest a fingertip on the opening. By applying the slightest amount of pressure, gently press into the “dent.” You are not necessarily seeking to push your whole finger inside, just inside the rim. Now take a breath.
Before pressing any deeper inside your body, check in with yourself. How are you feeling? Is there any pain? If there is, stop. Re-lube, breathe, and go back to the beginning with simple massage. Are you tense or nervous? Try masturbating again for a few seconds to reactive your arousal. No longer slippery down there? Lube your fingers again before proceeding. Remember that there is no rush to get inside and you can take all of the warm-up you need.
When you are ready to push farther, making sure you are nice and lubed up, press your finger slowly into your body. It is important to note that the anal cavity does not go straight into the body but rather angles in towards your core. Follow the natural curve of the canal through the tight inch of your sphincter muscle. It will feel like your finger will suddenly “pop” into place inside your body.
You’re in! Congratulations.
Take a few more breaths and let your body come to terms with whatever sensations you are feeling. You should not feel any pain, just gentle pressure. Try playing around with the sensation of having something inside your body. Clamp down on your finger and test the strength of your sphincter. Slowly and gently move your finger in and out fractions of an inch. Try shaking your finger a little, twisting it, making it do the wave. Try removing your finger and penetrating yourself again. Also reach around with your free hand and masturbate. See if you can make yourself come with your finger still inside your ass.
If you are male, you could even go on a hunt for your prostate, a golf-ball sized gland located about three inches in, up on the belly-button side (the “up” side) of your rectum. The prostate has been equated to the female G-spot as a source of pleasure for many men. How does pressure or friction on your prostate feel?
Give yourself a few sessions to discover the movements that really work for you. If and when you are ready, try inserting a second (or third, etc.) lubed finger for a more “filling” sensation. Experiment with toys, too. If you find that you like toys to go in and stay there without moving around very much, you might find butt-plugs an ideal toy. If you enjoy thrusting, think about a dildo (the thinner the better for beginners). If the open-close sensation of entering or leaving your ass is what does it for you, anal beads can give you that feeling over and over again. Maybe even try an anal vibrator or a prostate massager for some added excitement. If you are unsure about what could be pleasurable, the nice staff at Blowfish will be more than happy to hold your hand (figuratively, out course) and help you find the right size and shape for your body and experience level.
If you only take away a few key terms from this, remember: lube up, move slowly, breathe, and check-in. I highly recommend getting to know your anus, what it likes and doesn’t like, what makes it open up for more, and how to please it before letting a lover unleash their passion upon your backside. If you have a partner who wants to explore with you and that feels good, safe and sexy, by all means do it together, just remember to go slow and use the lube!
Next week, I’ll talk more about bringing anal play into sex with another person, how to ask, how to give, and the things you want to watch out for. Until then, lube up and start exploring!
— Rebekah Skoor, MA
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