Thursday, 31 May 2007
| 12:00 am
| Culture
[Editor’s note: It is with exploding-with-pleasure pleasure that we welcome Greta Christina back into the Blowfish fold. Greta was our toy buyer for many years, and the founder of the “Blowfish style” of product reviewing. She’ll be writing a weekly column about sex and culture and stuff here in the Blowfish Blog. Look for her each Thursday!]
It just seems so silly.
I mean, spanking. Please. How seriously can you take it? Yes, sure, there are thousands of psycho-socio-philosophico-political treatises on hundreds of forms of sexuality, on intercourse and bondage and sex work and masturbation and so on. But getting your bare bottom paddled? How are we supposed to ponder it and not fall into fits of the giggles?
It makes it hard to talk about. Heck, it makes it hard to think about. It’s much easier to talk about vanilla sex: it’s “normal,” it’s safe, you’re not revealing yourself as a pervert if you show an interest in it . . . and because it’s so common, it’s easy to think of as important and serious. And it’s easier to talk about hard-core kink as well: there’s this gravity that comes with heavy sadomasochism, a sense of danger and power that makes people take it seriously, even if they don’t approve of it.
But spanking is right on the border between the two. It’s just transgressive enough to make you feel like a freak — and it’s just un-transgressive enough to make you feel like a dork. You can beg your partner to beat you, or stand over them with a whip in your hand, and feel like an outlaw and a rebel. But it’s very hard to say “Please spank me” and not feel at least a little bit like a nerd. When you’re bent over someone’s lap with your pants pulled down, or caressing someone’s bare bum getting ready to give them a good smack, it can feel like a crowd of invisible vanilla people is standing alongside, cringing and saying, “Ew, gross, you’re into that?” — while a crowd of invisible sadomasochists stands next to them, rolling their eyes and saying, “Oh, puh-leez. Give me a break.” You get the silly feeling from both sides of the vanilla/pervert spectrum.
And of course, the childishness of spanking can help make you feel like a fool as well. Even when you’re doing it as a consenting adult, spanking is so rooted in childhood, and it brings on all those childish feelings of smallness and unimportance, naivete and powerlessness. No wonder it’s hard to talk about seriously. Even thinking about it can make you feel like an embarrassed nine-year-old.
But here’s the thing about spanking. This sense of silliness, of triviality, of childish shame, is closely intertwined with its pleasure. If you can let the silliness be, and even go with it, it can actually make spanking more pleasurable.
I’m not just talking about the potential hotness of humiliation and smallness. Sure, that’s a factor: even if you don’t get off on heavy-duty humiliation, feeling small means feeling vulnerable, which can mean feeling open and touchable, which can mean feeling hot and sexy. And of course, if you have play-acting fantasies with a childhood streak — schoolgirl or schoolboy games being the classic example — then the embarrassment and smallness of spanking can add to the immediacy of the scene.
But that’s not what I’m talking about here. What I’m talking about is the connection between silliness and playfulness. The fact that it’s hard to take spanking too seriously can create a certain freedom to simply enjoy it.
The thing is, sex — both vanilla and kinky — can often feel so very serious, all fraught and intense and laden with meaning and consequence. And while that can be lovely, it can also be a burden, adding this lead weight of self-consciousness and anxiety that really doesn’t help the proceedings.
But when you’re doing something that’s inherently silly — whether it’s dressing like a cheerleader, playing barbarian conqueror, or getting turned over someone’s knee with your bottom in the air — it relieves some of that tension. Sex that feels trivial and dorky can also feel light and giddy and exuberant. Frivolity and playfulness can make sex feel less like a test or a drama, and more like a goofy game that you both love to play, a conspiracy of pleasure that you’re in on together.
Sure, the silliness of spanking can make you self-conscious and anxious as well. There’s nothing like feeling dorky to make it seem like the whole world is staring at you and writing critiques. But if you can accept the dorkiness and spank anyway, if you can allow yourself to feel goofy and turned on at the same time, it can relieve some of the portentousness that can come with the intensity of sex.
What’s more, because it is right on the border between kink and not-kink, spanking can feel like a safe doorway between the two. It makes it possible to tap into the darker world of hard kink without being overwhelmed by it. It can make you feel both a little bit wicked and fundamentally safe. And that’s a very good place to take off from. Some hard-core sadomasochists turn up their noses at spanking and other light kinky play for this very reason; I believe “tourism” is the charming terminology for it. But . . . well, fuck them. They’re idiots. It isn’t a competition.
And when you come right down to it, any kind of sexuality can look pretty darned silly. When you think about any type of sex too closely and imagine what it might look like to visiting space aliens, it all can seem outrageously, mortifyingly ridiculous. Now, you can deal with the absurdity of sex by simply ignoring it and not letting it get to you. And there are times when that’s the right thing to do. But there are times when it’s completely appropriate to accept the absurdity, and revel in your inner dorkiness. And when you’re whipping yourself into a sexual frenzy by spanking a bare bottom or getting your own bottom spanked, that might be a good time to start.
Greta Christina, copyright © 2007. Be sure to check out Greta’s blog.
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Dear Blowfish,
Your “Ask Blowfish” reply in the 24th May edition shows off two lovely and realistic looking toys. Oh that I could take them! Alas I can’t. Can you point to something similar for those of us and our partners who prefer something a bit smaller, say 5″ to 5.5″ insertable and no more than 1.5″ diameter?
If the suction cup is not a huge factor for you, check out the Boitoy and the Realistic (in the small and maybe the medium size). Hopefully one of these awesome, silicone dildos will fit the, er, bill.
Happy playing!
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Wednesday, 30 May 2007
| 6:07 pm
| Toys
As bondage crawls out from under its proverbial rock and warms itself in the public eye, we’re beginning to see more “bondage light” accessories move into the mainstream market. These implements of near torture (Handcuff Cozies, for example) let players experience BDSM without all of the pain, intimidation, and bulky, expensive gear. For those who love this spank and tickle kind of intro play, this is not the gag for you.
I ordered the Holey Rubber Gag because I thought it would be nice for some of our more vanilla players to have a gag they could breathe through. I was wrong about this particular gag. Sure, you can breathe through it, that is, if you can get a full 2 inches of huge black rubber chew toy stuffed up in your maw. This gag is big and burly and nearly impossible to destroy with your lowly jaws, perfect for the veteran gag wearer or big-mouthed bottom who is asking for something to really muffle their moans. Drilled through the center of the ball there is, in fact, a breathing hole. We were delighted to discover that the hole transports water into the mouth just as easily as it does air, encouraging us to pour all sorts of liquids deep into our submissive’s throats while they gurgled up at us with pleading, adoring eyes. Good times, good times. Not exactly your average “intro to power play” toy, but since when were you guys beginners?
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Wednesday, 30 May 2007
| 6:07 pm
| Comix
This week’s new comic, Room Mates Vol. 1, makes me wonder if I wasn’t missing something back when I had to share an apartment with two other 20 somethings. They had cute friends, sure, but I tried to do my sex-partner-hunting elsewhere to keep things kosher in the household. Thank goodness the characters in Room Mates aren’t so annoyingly moral! The girls throw a party in hopes of meeting their new male roommate’s hot friends (aka “fresh meat to fuck”). Cute, sexy and fun, this comic also takes loving your neighbor to the next level (”can I borrow some ’sugar,’” indeed!). Sexy young bodies and lots of spontaneous sex, what’s not to like? Full color.
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Wednesday, 30 May 2007
| 6:06 pm
| Videos
It’s big-budget cheerleader surreal remake porn! The best kind of porn! With ghosts and demons and convertibles and fake halos and a blowjob in a coffin! Debbie Does Dallas . . . Again is unlike any other porn movie I’ve seen. (Well, I mean, the people-having-sex part is pretty standard, but all the other weirdness is unusual.) This is Vivid’s big-budget award-bait picture for the year, helmed by Paul Thomas, the studio’s go-to guy for such movies. He directs a lot of films, and some of them he seems to more or less sleepwalk through, but every once in a while he rediscovers the joy and weirdness of his work. Debbie Does Dallas . . . Again is one of his better efforts, full of strangeness and silliness and cheesecake and overacting and hot sex and whimsy.
Yes, it’s obviously related to the classic Debbie Does Dallas, but the two movies are kissing cousins at best. The original Debbie is about a rural cheerleading squad who . . . how to put this delicately . . . whore themselves out to make enough money to send their friend to try out for the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders. This version concerns a coed cheerleading squad on their way to the national finals. Debbie — played by Stefani Morgan — has an intense rivalry with her nasty co-captain, Monique Alexander. They fight over boys, and over control of the squad, and Monique manages to get Debbie “accidentally” killed during an especially dangerous acrobatic stunt. At that point, I realized this movie was going to be a lot different from the original. Debbie’s spirit lingers, and she meets an angel (played with great strangeness and humor by Penny Flame) who urges her to move on. Instead, Debbie makes a deal to dole out sexual favors in the afterlife in exchange for a chance to return to Earth. It’s like Bring it On meets Mean Girls meets, well, any of the zillions of movies where some dead person comes back to life to right wrongs. Debbie reincarnates in the body of a geeky would-be suicide played by Hillary Scott. Naturally, she kicks ass, takes over the cheerleading squad, and leads them to the nationals . . . where there’s actually a plot twist that surprised me. I won’t spoil this for you, but it’s a lot twistier than most porn.
As for extras, well, this is a big ol’ three-disc set. One of the extras is a disc of the entire original Debbie Does Dallas, so if you want to write a compare-and-contrast paper for your Film Theory class, you should have everything you need, I guess. There’s tons of more conventional extras, too.
Give me a P! Give me an O! Give me an R! Give me an N! What’s that spell? Yeah. You know what that spells.
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In this episode, Rebekah discovers something too big for her, Christophe contemplates suicide, and Heather enjoys sex after 20. Our special guest is Rozen, recently madame at the Lusty Lady Theatre in San Francisco!
Radio Blowfish is our every-two-weeks (or so) podcast of products, news, interviews, and generally wonderful stuff. All you need is an MP3 player to join us!
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Since I’m getting a byline starting with this column, I suppose I’ll drop the charming conceit that Caught in the Net is the product of a secret cabal of dedicated web-surfers, and acknowledge that, in fact, it’s only me. (Though I’m aided by the suggestions of friends and readers and friendly readers, so keep the interesting links coming!)
As an American boy, I was woefully unfamiliar with the concept of Page Three girls — the topless beauties who appear on page three of Rupert Murdoch’s British tabloid The Sun. (There’s a sad dearth of topless women in supermarket checkout rack tabloids in the USA — even in papers run by the conservative world-dominating media moguls! Which means we get stuck with Rupert Murdoch publications without even the scant consolation of scantily clad babes.) As usual, you can count on Wikipedia for a factual rundown of the subject, along with a photo from the very first topless shoot way back in 1970. Apparently the inclusion of bare breasts increased circulation by 40%. I can’t say I’m surprised. But now, in the digital age, I don’t have to book a transatlantic flight and browse British newsstands to find page three girls.
Though she’s not well-known in America, the lovely Keeley Hazell has been the reigning queen of topless British models since she won the Page Three Idol Contest back in 2004, or so the internet tells me. In addition to her regular appearances in The Sun, Keeley appears often in that noble lad rag Zoo. I especially direct your attention to her “World Cup Strip” spread in honor of the 2006 World Cup, in which a clever editor had the idea of populating an entire soccer team with, well, even more Keeleys: check out the photos here. It’s basically the platonic ideal of sporty cheesecake. You can see lots more Page Three stuff (and by “stuff” I mean “half-naked ladies”) at Page3.com.
The Sun recently revealed their rather complex formula for what makes a perfect Page Three girl. The formula accounts for things like breast shape, waist measurement, nipple size, and other quantifiable attributes. Keeley is the perfect sum of that formula, it seems. Shockingly, the formula includes nothing about intelligence, humor, talent, or ambition. What kind of newspaper are they running over there? Well, here’s an article from way back in 2004 that asks that very question: Page 3 - Model Propaganda: The Sun, The Girls, The Truth. It seems these models often espouse — or are depicted espousing — some very conservative political opinions, which line up peculiarly well with the politics of the paper’s owner. If there is overt propagandizing going on, it’s a clever approach — I’m always inclined to listen to what mostly naked women tell me (though it doesn’t convince me as effectively when I imagine Murdoch’s voice coming out of the model’s mouths. Try it yourself).
And, because this has been a highly breast-centric installment, and I’d hate for my essential heterosexuality to limit the scope of Caught in the Net’s coverage, here’s a website devoted to naked uncircumcised British guys: UK Naked Men. Let’s see Rupert Murdoch try to push a conservative political agenda with images of big uncut British cock! Then I would bow before his media-fu.
Tim Pratt
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Wednesday, 23 May 2007
| 7:28 pm
| Toys
The problem with butt-plugs is that they don’t always stay in. You’ll be in the middle of some hot and heavy fucking and pop!, your ass toy lands on the floor two feet away from your hard-working top’s feet. Or worse, you’ll wear your favorite plug to the church summer sing-along and while belting out the high notes in the second hymn you will accidentally bear down and send your hidden treasure down the leg of your trousers and into the unforgiving congregation. Who needs that?
The Ace Silicone Butt-Plug was designed to stay tucked neatly in your ass, even during vigorous play. This is a smallish plug, too, so if you are new to butt-plugs and want to invest in something that will last forever, you’re sure to get your mileage out of the Ace. The head is 1-1/4 inches wide which then thins down to a long, thin stem that feels lovely in the grip of the sphincter. (For a similar plug with a thicker head, see the Tristan and the Tristan 2!) Comfort is paramount in long-term use toys, and the apple core cut-out base fits between the butt-cheeks without chafing. And no joke, our various testers tried their hardest to push this plug out of their ass (without using their hands, that would be cheating), and none were able to manage the feat. Church picnic, here we come!
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Wednesday, 23 May 2007
| 7:28 pm
| Toys
We got many calls from people who loved the idea of the Inflatable Rubber Dildo, but hoped that we could find one in a less intimidating color. (Really? Less intimidating than black? But it’s so slimming!) Well okay, we found one. Gapers Inflatable Dildo (I know, the name makes us feel funny, too) is the “next-gen” of inflatable toys. Yes, it’s adorable and pink, but it has some awesome other features as well. The core of this toy is hard plastic, not foam, so you can easily get it inside you body in a single thrust. While the color is demure, the size is substantial: 1-3/4 inches thick at the head and 5 inches long. That’s a pretty wide dildo to inflate after it’s been inserted. We thought it felt deliciously like fisting when we first played with it and we’ve gotta say that toying with our maximum levels of fullness was heavenly. That being said, only one tester actually got the Gapers in her ass due to its large girth. Still, after her anal time with Gapers she was heard to say, quote, “Gotta find me a Daddy that good!” before playfully batting her eyelashes at her flesh and blood lover. Good things come in puff-up-able pink packages, even if they have silly porn-reference-y names.
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Wednesday, 23 May 2007
| 7:27 pm
| Books
With the weather warming up, horny people of all ages start eyeing bodies of water as not only a place to cool off, but also a place to get busy. If you’ve been hoping to take advantage of your neighbor’s backyard pool while they’re on vacation, but want some tips on just how to incorporate that saucy ladder into your erotic aquatics, have I got the book for you. Cosmo’s Aqua Kama Sutra is a positioning guide for those times when you want to have sex without drying off first. Each position comes with written instructions, silhouetted figures demonstrating the pose, and a tip for changing it up or making it even better. While the positions are usually specific to one or two “lust locales”, these locales are not grouped together, which is the one thing I really didn’t like about the book. There are a couple of “lust lessons” scattered throughout (for example: fun toys to bring into the bath with you, such as a vibrating duck!), and, best of all, the whole thing is waterproof! (For some waterproof fiction options — to help get you in the mood — consider Aqua Erotica or Wet: More Aqua Erotica, both completely waterproof and stuffed full of steamy erotica stories). Overall, this slender little guide is a brilliant use of waterproof paper technology, with some fun ideas for making your summer just that much wetter.
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Wednesday, 23 May 2007
| 7:27 pm
| Videos
The Female Gardner is directed by “Chuck Lords,” the pseudonym auteur Paul Thomas uses for some of his less ambitious films. And it’s true, this film doesn’t have any of Thomas’s usual labyrinthine plots or bizarre character motivations or structures borrowed from Fellini films — it’s just a solid porn flick showcasing some gorgeous dark-haired women. There are some nice lingering shots of flowers, which are, of course, the sex organs of plants, a bit of symbolism I’m sure wasn’t lost on the director. The opening scene is a tantalizing reminder that a scantily-dressed body and a bit of flirtation can prove far more titillating than hardcore sex. Sunny Leone wears a pair of barely-there shorts as she chats up the new (eponymous) female gardener, Daisy Marie, who is similarly dressed for the presumably very hot weather, and the two exchange glances and shy smiles out among the blossoms. Even in a consciously minor effort, Paul Thomas knows how to set up an attraction between characters and then make the viewer wait a while before they consummate, rendering the eventual connection much more satisfying. He doesn’t explore the plight of undocumented domestic workers, or the implications of sexual harassment when Sunny matter-of-factly seduces Daisy, but we can forgive such oversights since they’re in the service of getting beautiful women naked together. It’s not an all-girl film, though it’s a mostly girl film — the exception is a five-way poolside orgy that seems a bit like a refugee from a different movie, but no matter. Hillary Scott is the blonde in a sea of brunettes — nice to see blondes in the minority for once — and she shows once again why she’s become famous for her anal sex scenes. Nobody looks cuter during an on-screen ass-fucking than Hillary does. There’s enough plot and interpersonal conflict to make this film a cohesive whole, and enough hot scenes to make replay value high. It’s a Sunny Leone vehicle, but Daisy Marie comes close to stealing the show, and their final scene — together, alone, at last — is a real bed of roses.
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We’ve mentioned the Kama Sutra before, of course. The ancient text discusses every aspect of love relations, with only about a fifth of the book actually devoted to sexual acts. Even so, these days it’s commonly regarded as little more than a how-to manual, a sort of incredibly old-school Joy of Sex (though, let’s be honest, Joy of Sex is pretty old school itself these days). Wikipedia can give you some real info about the Kamasutram if you want to become informed in a well-rounded way, but we’ll focus on a few highly specific versions and interpretations of the work. For instance:
The Kama Sutra . . . with Girls, as conceived of by those brilliant softcore porngeneers at the venerable lingerie-filled lad-rag FHM. They did it as a Valentine’s day special, revealing one position each day in the month of February, with techniques demonstrated by very hot girls in very little clothing. Somehow we doubt the ancient Indians called that position “Reverse Seated Cowgirl,” but hey, this is a modern interpretation. Don’t miss the “Classic 69.”
But what about the guys? The Kama Sutra has plenty to say when it comes to boy-on-boy relations, too (though all the talk of eunuchs might throw you at first). Here’s a nice bunch of illustrations depicting the art of love between two men. And sometimes three men. And with the tangential involvement of the occasional passing peacock.
But why restrict ourselves to human sexuality? Consider The Scout Walker Kama Sutra, an admirably straight-faced site that explores (in tremendous depth) the sex lives of the bipedal war machines from Star Wars. (Insert requisite joke about whether or not the site creators have, in fact, ever had sex themselves — but just because it’s too easy to resist. In truth, we rather admire their vision.) The section on Scout Walker oral sex must be seen.
For those who want to apply a more personal touch, try the Interactive Kama Sutra flash application, which allows you to place figures in various compromising positions. It’s rather addictive, not to mention inspiring.
Here’s an old one — but a good one — that doesn’t have much to do with the Kama Sutra beyond the name, but we’re casting a wide net here, so. Observe the Girl on Girl Kama Sutra 2004, an online flash game where the goal is . . . um . . . sorry, distracted by cartoon thongs.
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As loyal readers of this blog know, we had, ah, a problem or two with the Victoria Theatre in San Francisco (specifically, they wouldn’t show Shine Louise Houston’s latest release, In Search of the Wild Kingdom, for unspecified reasons). Thus, we are extremely proud to announce that as part of Frameline 31, Shine’s hot movie Superfreak will be showing at, yes, the Victoria Theatre in San Francisco on June 15th at 9:30pm! Be sure to attend to show your support for one of the longest-running gay and lesbian film festivals in the world, and to support hot alternative porn!
For full information, you can check out the Frameline 31 web site!
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Dear Blowfish,
Can you suggest which of your toys might be best for laying on my back in bed or on the hardwood floor and fuck myself with a humping motion? I usually like something about 1-3/4 inches or more. How about The Captain?
The Captain is a great toy for fucking with a humping motion and depending on which way you are doing yourself, and could work quite well on your back. That being said, the Captain does not have a suction cup base and will work best if you thrust it by hand or find someone to do you with it while they wear it in a harness.
One of the best suction cup toys we carry is called the Falcon and it has a realistic shaft over 1-3/4 inches thick. I know a few guys you suction these to the seats of chairs and straddle them, but I’m still not sure if you could get it to work for you on your back. Practice makes perfect, I suppose.
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Tuesday, 22 May 2007
| 9:38 am
| Jobs
We have a new job posting!
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Dear Blowfish,
I’m looking for a lube to use with a technique I recently learned. It involves lightly stroking a woman’s clitoris for 15 minutes straight, or longer. Are there any lubes that you can recommend that would be suitable for that type of endeavor?
You’re right in thinking that a water-based lube is going to start getting sticky well before the end of your 15 minute stroke session. We’d recommend a pure silicone based lube like Eros Bodyglide or Wet Platinum. These are made from premium quality liquid silicone and won’t come off until you wipe it or wash it off. That being said, 15 minutes of friction is a lot of rubbing for any lube. If your lady friend is not supplying any of her own, natural wetness, you could find that you’ll need to reapply a drop or two partway through the session.
We don’t recommend oil-based lubes like Vaseline. While very slippery and often used for anal play, oil based lubes irritate the vagina and can cause all sorts of problems internally.
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What happened to the “Clit Exciter” that you had just recently and was mentioned in a recent Radio Blowfish?
Truth? This vibe is imported from oversees. Apparently customs found some illegal drugs inside some of the battery cases of the vibrators in a recent shipment from the same factory that makes these vibes. (How is that for topping the ‘ol “my dog ate my homework” excuse?!) New shipments of these toys are already on there way over via boat, but we can’t be sure how long it will take for the second batch to get clearance into the country.
Never a dull moment here at Blowfish Control!
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Dear Blowfish,
I have multiple sclerosis, which causes some decreased sensation in the clitoris and vaginal area. In order to have an orgasm, strong vibration is required. Could you recommend a product that is much stronger than the average vibrator?
If you are looking for strong vibration, it doesn’t get much stronger than the Hitachi Magic Wand. While it may look like the average back massager, this bad boy has helped countless women (and men) who need strong vibrations to achieve orgasm. In fact, it is so popular that silicone companies have started making “toppers” for the ball-shaped head that can turn this external vibrator into an innie vibe. One such topper is the Gee Whiz and it can be found at the link below.
If you are looking for something like the Hitachi but cordless, we also really like the Ideal Rechargeable Vibe. It’s about one notch less powerful than the Hitachi, but still a great vibe. Also, the topper attachments fit on the Ideal and the Hitachi in the same manner, so you can use them with either vibe.
Happy playing!
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Wednesday, 16 May 2007
| 6:12 pm
| Toys
Silicone and glass toys are everywhere. No really, everywhere. My desk is a veritable forest of dildos and butt-plugs springing forth in various shapes and colors from the faux-wood veneer of my desk. The plethora of toys that congregate around me do ebb the excitement of toys a bit, that is until something really great comes along. The Selkie Silicone Dildo is one such toy.
I was awfully sure that the Selkie wasn’t going to thrill me when I first saw it. I took it home, sat it on my nightstand so it would be ready if I mustered the energy to test it, and promptly got into a totally unrelated fight with my girlfriend (unintentionally, of course). It wasn’t until days later when the storm clouds lifted and the make-up sex was inevitable did the Selkie re-enter my thoughts.
Made of VixSkin, the best darn silicone on earth, this non-realistic toy feels remarkably like a real life cock. The Selkie has a firm core of silicone that is stiff enough to use in a harness, but the whole shaft is smothered in aqua-colored softer silicone for a supple, smooshy sensation. The head is by far the widest part of the shaft and as is slips inside the pussy, it stimulates all the way down the depths of the vagina, feeling increasingly filling as you go. A small ridge on the shaft helps orient the thruster in order to keep the pressure pointing towards the G-spot, a feature we thought was pretty hot. Multiple orgasms later, we forgave one another for whatever we had been squabbling about and dove back under the covers for another round, taking the Selkie with us. Two thumbs (and a G-spot) up!
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Wednesday, 16 May 2007
| 6:12 pm
| Toys
Speaking of toys that stand out of the crowd, the warm glow of the Wick Glass Dildo continues to delight me each and every time I open my toy drawer. The smooth, 8 inch length of this thicker glass toy is filled with swirls of yellow, red, and orange glass that dance the shaft around like a flickering candle. Topped with a clear head for more stimulation, you get all of the benefits of glass (texture, weight, slipperiness) with all of the color and girth of silicone. Not only is the Wick is a stunning example of glass artistry, it also brings together hues of color seldom seen in this industry. Hurray for yellow and orange! At home it has become a toss up whether to grab for the Wick or its sister toy, the River, when I need a glass pick-me-up. This piece makes me want to light some candles and turn up the Marvin Gaye for smoldering night of passion.
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Wednesday, 16 May 2007
| 6:11 pm
| Books
The cover of Natural Beauties reminds me of my college pagan days. Once the weather got warm, we’d head to the woods to camp, spending our nights dancing or drumming naked around our fire. The days were spent walking naked, or nearly naked, through the woods, dappled sunlight hitting our shoulders through the leaves above, warm soft breezes tickling places where, on other folks, the sun don’t shine. It was a kind of soothing bliss, this simple joy that comes from being naked outdoors.
The lithe young women in this book definitely seem to know that kind of bliss themselves. Whether they’re literally rolling in the hay, skipping over sand dunes or strolling through the woods, these lovelies nicely complement the serene beauty that surrounds them. There are several pages of photographs of each girl, and we’re told her name, where she’s from and who photographed her. These pictures are erotic, yes, but also soothing in their simple beauty, making this one of my favorite picture books.
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Wednesday, 16 May 2007
| 6:11 pm
| Videos
I’m not a huge fan of interactive films as a genre — the inability to fast-forward through boring bits is irksome—but InTERAactive is certainly the best one I’ve ever seen. Tera Patrick is still a superstar of porn, and her charisma is turned up to eleven in this title (even if her acting skills aren’t quite so impressive). Unlike most choose-your-own-erotic-adventure movies, this one has a plot, with Sammy Ligotti playing Tera’s uncaring gangster husband. He doesn’t pay her any attention, even though it’s her birthday! Fortunately, she has a neighbor who’s willing to come over and keep her company—that would be Tera’s real-life husband Spyder Jonez, though you never see his face or his distinctive tattoos, since he provides the first-person camera view for you. The movie offers lots of choices, including at least one that ends the movie early on. If you refuse to help Tera uncrimp her garden hose — heh heh—while she’s trying to wash her car, you get the equivalent of a “game over” screen, and the message that Tera doesn’t hang out with jerks who won’t give a lady a hand. Okay, she’s got a point. For the most part, though, the choices offered are of the good-better-best variety; should you get head from Tera, or Jessica Jayne, or both at once? Do you want to decorate Hillary Scott with whipped cream or chocolate sauce? Which sex toys should the ladies play with? Do you want to have sex with Tera missionary or doggy style? Making decisions isn’t so stressful when every choice involves willing naked debauchery. The movie climaxes in sex with Tera . . . and the inevitable return of her husband, which ends the movie on kind of an unsexy note, but it’s also a profane, violent, and funny ending, so that’s okay.
If you find yourself overwhelmed by the pressure of deciding whether Tera should wear the pink bikini or the yellow one, you can pop in the bonus disc and watch a “hands free” version that covers the most important parts, and runs about two hours. If you successfully finish the main disc, though, you get a treat in the form of a secret menu that includes an extended car wash scene, which is pure old-school cheesecake bliss. Check InTERActive out. I’m sure Tera will be in good hands.
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Wednesday, 16 May 2007
| 5:39 pm
| Videos
It’s nice to see more queer indie porn, especially since, as a reviewer, I sometimes feel as if I’m drowning in a sea of fake breasts and too much hairspray. Early to Bed productions—which also operates a Chicago retail sex shop—has released Special Delivery, a charming little film featuring two real lesbian couples and one enthusiastic solo practitioner. (The sensibility is similar to that of Blowfish’s own film The Crash Pad, which many of you know and love.) The film begins with Deb Shooter as the clerk at a sex shop, busily packing up vibrators and dildos to ship to faraway customers. In the course of this activity, she becomes very aroused, and retires to the break room (one presumes) to fantasize and masturbate; we see her fantasies, and we see her masturbating, all of which is pleasant.
Now, as an aside, I know people who work in the sex toy retail business (several of them, in fact!), and I’d be willing to lay money most of them don’t get incredibly aroused by packaging up dildos—at least, not after the first week at the job. When you work at the ice cream shop, scooping up ice cream all day doesn’t make you crave the stuff. But, hey, why ruin the fantasy for all you viewers—yes! Work in the sex toy industry and be perpetually aroused! And hey, maybe it is Deb Shooter’s first day. Her fantasies, in which she imagines people using the toys she’s shipping out, are certainly diverting enough. Anja and Eva are just lovely, clearly very much in love and lust, and it’s a joy to watch them make out and romp with one another in their two scenes. They appeared in a previous film from the same company, and are totally comfortable with the camera—by which I mean, they seem to ignore it entirely. Benito and Flora are rather less comfortable onscreen, and though they give it their all, they seem a bit awkward, and there’s a stiffness in their lovemaking that diminishes the effect of the obviously real attraction between them. Deb Shooter’s masturbation scene, which is intercut with the fantasies and concludes the film, is nice, though despite the fact that she’s playing with herself in a building full of sex toys, her use of said toys is extremely minimal. But then, they probably told her to keep her hands off the stock when she got the job, and maybe there was nothing worth looting from the returns bin.
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In this episode, Rebekah lounges in a bloopy field of lavender, Christophe curses a blue streak, and Heather gets very, very naughty.
Radio Blowfish is our every-two-weeks (or so) podcast of products, news, interviews, and generally wonderful stuff. All you need is an MP3 player to join us!
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Wednesday, 16 May 2007
| 5:36 pm
| Fishnet
“Historical Inaccuracies,” by Julia Talbot.
“I like reenactment,” she said, spreading her legs, showing me neatly trimmed blonde pubic hair.
“So what is this?” I asked her, thinking of her Italianate gown and my hose and doublet. “Paolo and Francesca?”
“No,” she replied. “This is fucking.”
Read “Historical Inaccuracies” in Fishnet, Blowfish’s always-free journal of erotica.
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It’s National Masturbation Month! If you can’t make it to any of the many Masturbate-a-thons being held in the US (mostly in San Francisco and Portland Oregon, naturally), you can still have a good time. We’re here to help.
First, you need to know the lingo. Here’s a list of Slang Terms for Masturbation to help you out. Sure, you know “Spank the Monkey,” but do you know “Pat the Robertson” or “Play Tug of War with Cyclops” or “Hand to Gland Combat”? And for you ladies out there, do you know “Squeezing the Peach” or “Hitchhiking South”? Popular legend says the Inuit have dozens of word for snow, but that’s nothing — English speakers have hundreds of terms for self-pleasure. (In truth, the Inuit don’t actually have any more words for snow than English does. See, you learned something other than new terms for jerking off today!)
Now that you can talk the talk, we’ll help you spank the spank. In terms of practical advice, we direct your attention to Advanced Masturbation. This site extensively documents various methods for wanking, complete with helpful images. From the “Full-Fist Grip” to the “Palm, Belly, and Penis Sandwich” and on through, ahem, “Intercourse Style Masturbation with Couch” (remind me not to couch-surf at that guy’s house), these should keep you occupied for a while. Some of these techniques require props. Treat yourself!
The site above doesn’t address female masturbation, more’s the pity, but all is not lost. H.L. Shaw (who is, coincidentally, the Blowfish book buyer and editor of Fishnet) wrote a classic how-to essay on the subject, “Fluffin’ the Muffin”, which should help any women who aren’t sure how to begin, or who wish to expand their repertoires.
Want to know how other people masturbate? Where there’s a website, there’s a way. Visit My Masturbation, which features true masturbation stories from a thousand real people (or so it says). Some of the “stories” are really just brief comments, but others are more involved, and the categories are mind-boggling. There are three stories from women who masturbate with hot dogs, and three who use cell phones. Four stories of men who jerk off with the aid of foam balls, and eight who use panty hose. That’s just scratching the surface. Screw necessity — the quest for orgasm is the real mother of invention.
Until next week, play nice!
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