Male Dom Female Sub
Has anyone else noticed a drastic shift in kinky porn in the last few years?
It used to be that the most common trope in kinky porn was the dominant woman. Madame Cruella, Mistress of Pain, Kitten with a Whip—these were the themes and images that dominated, if you will, the world of SM porn, both in writing and in visual art. It was a cliche, even: everyone knew the cliche of the powerful business executive who paid to get beaten and humiliated once a week—or who built a library of fem-dom porn to help him fantasize about it.
But in the last few years, I’ve been seeing a definite shift. In the kinky porn that comes across my path (and a fair amount of kinky porn comes across my path), I’m seeing less and less porn starring dominant women, and more and more starring submissive women and dominant men.
I’ll admit that I haven’t studied this trend with any scientific rigor: this observation is very much anecdotal, and I could be talking out of my ass. But I really don’t think so. I was actually so used to the prevalence of dominant women in SM porn that it took me a while to realize that they weren’t nearly as prevalent as they used to be.
And now I’m wondering: What’s that about?
You could argue that this trend is sexism at work. Most porn is still aimed at a primarily male audience, after all. And while men were happy to fantasize about powerful women with whips back when it was overwhelmingly a man’s world, as women have been gaining more and more power, men are fantasizing more and more about taking that power away.
I suppose there might be something to that theory. But it can’t possibly be all there is. Because women are having these fantasies, too. In droves. Women writers and artists are creating a lot of this male-dom female-sub porn—and increasingly, a female audience is sucking it up. Myself included. I eat it up like popcorn.
In fact, you could argue that this dynamic is happening because of the opposite of sexism. Women have had submissive and masochistic fantasies for ages, and porn is finally starting to cater to our goddamn fantasies of being the helpless, vulnerable center of attention/ object of desire—not just men’s.
But I think there’s something else going on here, something that’s key. Again, I haven’t studied this with any kind of rigor, so I’m just going to speak for myself, on the assumption that what’s true for me may be true for others as well.
I think that we fantasize about what we don’t have. Stressed-out city folks dream of tropical paradises and bucolic rural getaways; bored small-town folks dream of the excitement and glamour of the big city. Unhappy single people dream of true love; unhappy married people dream of being footloose and fancy-free. Etc., etc., etc. That’s the whole point of a fantasy, isn’t it? Even if your life is generally good, you’re still not going to fantasize about the things you already have.
So what does this have to do with male-dom female-sub porn? After all, we still live in a sexist world where women have less power than men. Wouldn’t women and men alike be fantasizing about men in shackles and women with whips?
In the much broader and more obvious sense, of course that’s true. We’ve made a lot of advances, but the world is still very sexist indeed. But—again, speaking only for myself now—in a more immediate day-to-day sense, the reality that I want a fantasy escape from isn’t sexism.
It’s the fight against sexism.
It’s the constant vigilance against the stupid sexist indoctrination that’s been sunk into my head since I was an infant. It’s the constant struggle to be assertive when I’ve been taught to be compliant, to speak up when I’ve been taught to be a good listener, to argue when I’ve been taught to be agreeable . . . all without turning into an asshole. It’s the constant half-second arguments I have in my head every time a guy says or does something sexist—is this particular battle worth fighting? Do I respond, or let it go?
It gets exhausting. Not just for women, but for men as well, who’re contending with the flip side of gender indoctrination and changing roles and expectations. And I think a big part of the appeal of the male-dom female-sub fantasy is that it offers a break from the fight. It offers an opportunity—whether in a role-play scene in real life or a masturbation fantasy in your head—to take a vacation from the battle, to briefly wallow in the familiar roles, in a safe place that’s separate from your everyday life.
And like most vacation spots, for most people it isn’t the place where you’d really want to live. Sure, there are people who do 24/7 male-dom female-sub relationships, just like there are people who sell their houses and move to Tahiti. But for most people, part of the pleasure of a good vacation is how happy you are to come home from it, the fresh perspective it gives you on everything you love about your everyday life. The indulgence in a fantasy of a masterful man and a compliant or helpless woman gives you a break from the struggle against sexism in your everyday life . . . so you can emerge rested and refreshed and ready to do battle once more.
This entry was posted on Thursday, 20 September 2007 at 12:00 am and is filed under Culture. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
on Friday, 21 September 2007 at 9:45 pm Wintermute wrote:
I write M/F, F/M and a bit of F/F spanking porn, although I definitely write more stories that are M/F these days. I don’t think that there’s anything to this beyond how I’m feeling at the moment.
Most of the email I get from people who like my stories is from women who like the M/F stories. I get less email from men about my F/M stories.
I think that the Internet has allowed women to come out as spanking bottoms. Most of the spanking blogs are written by intelligent, articulate women who love to be spanked. Women see these blogs and I think that it assures them that they’re not alone.
on Friday, 21 September 2007 at 11:37 pm Robert wrote:
Interesting observations, and I wonder if there’s also a forbidden fruit angle to this. Now that society has gotten used to the idea that women should have equal power, the idea of women surrendering power becomes “forbidden.” And we all know that a certain amount of transgressing normal boundaries can be very sexy. :) When women legally had less power than men, there was nothing titillating about the idea.
on Sunday, 30 September 2007 at 11:46 am Devon wrote:
“When women legally had less power than men, there was nothing titillating about the idea.”
I think that’s true. I have a male dom friend who visited Japan for an extended period of time. He said that because women are so culturally submissive there, it was impossible for him to find it hot in a sexual situation. If she’s going along with his commands because she’s used to it and is expected to, he doesn’t feel masterful at all. And she probably doesn’t feel submissive, either, although I don’t know if he asked.
on Monday, 15 October 2007 at 5:47 am Torri wrote:
I find this pretty interesting myself, I’m kind of looking at it through a yaoi fan’s eyes. Just to explain Yaoi is male/male porn/love stories/comics/animations written by and for women. It’s the first kind of porn I got into and strangely enough it was actually the non-consensual/SM themed stories that started out before I moved on to other things.
It’s another form of escapism for a lot of women, because both of the characters are men you’re not forced to identify with either the dom or the sub. Like you were saying in your article you could identify with the sub and fantasize about being helpless and/or compliant without feeling like you’d ‘betrayed’ your gender for taking a steriotypical role because I was identifying with a male character. I could read about themes that would make me very uncomfortable at the time had the gender of the characters depicted been female.
on Wednesday, 24 October 2007 at 6:36 am The 46th Carnival of Feminists « Cubically Challenged wrote:
[…] 2. Greta Christina writes on the increasing amount of dominant-male-submissive-female porn that she is seeing, enjoyed by both men and women. She uses this to construct some very interesting arguments on how a fantasy about prescribed roles can sometimes be an escape from the constant struggle to reverse those roles, in reality! […]
on Saturday, 27 October 2007 at 4:42 pm whatsername wrote:
Wow! I just could not agree more! I’m so glad to see something I’ve considered myself laid out so much better than I was capable of. :)
on Tuesday, 30 October 2007 at 7:23 am Recommended Reading: Feminist Bloggers : Elaine Vigneault wrote:
[…] Porn […]
on Wednesday, 31 October 2007 at 9:40 am Oni Baba wrote:
If I understand correctly, your post suggests that the dominant male/submissive female trend in porn corresponds to a way for women to escape the everyday struggle against sexism.
But is accepting pornographic depictions of female submission, and is the sexualization of female submission, really an escape from this struggle, as opposed to yet another sign that true gender equality is still not near in sight?
You wrote: “In fact, you could argue that this dynamic is happening because of the opposite of sexism. Women have had submissive and masochistic fantasies for ages, and porn is finally starting to cater to our goddamn fantasies of being the helpless, vulnerable center of attention/ object of desire—not just men’s.”
Do women actually have genuine submissive or masochistic fantasies, or are they just brainwashed by patriarchy and by the male-centered sexual discourse?
While I consider that the whole argument of “women can’t think for themselves, they can’t choose what’s right for them” is paternalistic and dehumanizing (not to mention anti-feminist), I can’t help but feel that women are indoctrinated into those fantasies, either by our patriarchical culture or by traumatic personal experiences. My feeling is that women would surely feel more complete and genuine in their sexuality if their sexual experiences and fantasies were free of the cultural requirement that one partner dominates the other.
Don’t you think that in a society where true gender equality would exist, women would still have so-called submissive or masochistic fantasies?
One of the issues I have with porn, is that it is (for the most part) produce by men, and that it objectifies women for the masturbatory pleasure and needs of millions o other men. Therefore, I am extremely doubtful that this dominant male/submissive female trend in porn is actually a sign that the porn industry is, as you assert, finally taking in account the desires of women.
Actually, I find it quite scary that pornographic depictions of male dominance of females is being marketed, or at least spoken of, as being representative of women’s fantasies and desires. How convenient it is, for the porn industry, to say that after all, women too enjoy such displays of control, dominance, and - to a certain extent - violence and hate against them.
***
I’m a feminist from Canada and I stumbled upon this post via the last Carnival of Feminists. You will have guessed from my comment that, as a feminist, I strongly oppose pornograhy and the commerce of the female body at large.
From what I have learned and experienced so far in my life, I consider that porn is harmful to women.
This does not mean, however, that I don’t keep an open mind, or that I don’t appreciate the opportunity to discuss the issue with people who think otherwise. Therefore, I would be thankful if you would kindly accept to answer the few questions that I have posed in this comment.
Thanks!
on Sunday, 11 November 2007 at 7:02 am emma wrote:
Nice theory BUT - isn’t it just more likely that women have eroticised the abuse that so many experience? This is hardly a new idea. The justification often given for lesbian SM porn’s replicating of ‘daddy’ fantasies is that this helps women who have experienced childhood sexual abuse to work through the experience in a situation in which they are in control. Which I think is a pile of crap personally, but there you go. I think this is part of the same backlash against feminism that leads women to think it’s ‘empowering’ to have breast implants or take up pole dancing personally. It’s currently so taboo to be feminist that women are retreating into to this kind of stuff.