The Blowfish Blog

[Greta Christina] What I Learned About Sex in 2008

It’s a cliche, but there’s truth to it. Teachers often learn as much from teaching as their students do. And writers often learn as much from writing as their readers.

So what did I learn about sex this year from writing this column?

I learned that queer rights are human rights; that the fight for queer sexual freedom advances the cause for sexual freedom for everybody. (Well, I knew that already . . . but it’s nifty to have it confirmed.)

I learned that there’s still money to be made manipulating people’s fears and anxieties about sex.

I learned that there is practically no end to the willingness of Republican politicians to be total manipulative hypocrites about sex, with a nearly endless willingness to prey on people’s fears and anxieties about sex in order to get elected. (And I learned that this doesn’t seem to work as well as it used to . . .)

And I learned — or was reminded — that Democratic politicians can be big fat hypocrites about their sex lives, too.

I learned that there’s a culture clash about sex in America, between a younger generation that thinks things like a history as a stripper are no big deal . . . and an older generation that’s freaking the fuck out about the fact that the younger generation isn’t properly ashamed of this stuff.

I learned that some people still think they have the right to control who their partners are friends with, based entirely on whether said friends might theoretically be sexually attracted to said partners.

I learned that there are physiological reasons why there isn’t a male contraceptive pill widely available on the market . . . and even more interesting socio- economic reasons. (Reasons that can be summed up in three little words: People are liars.)

I learned that people on television are becoming more comfortable talking about sex, and using frank sexual language, and treating sex as if it were a normal part of life or something. Gradually. Marginally. If they’re science nerds, anyway.

And I learned that some science nerds still can’t talk about sex without falling into fits of adolescent grossed-out giggles.

I learned that sadomasochism is starting — just starting — to be a no- big- deal part of the sexual landscape . . . at least as depicted in popular culture. Ditto gay sex, sex work, and — to a lesser extent — non-monogamy.

And I learned that, despite all that, mass culture can still have a pretty retrograde idea of what constitutes sexual liberation.

I learned that figuring out what kind of sex you do and don’t like is an ongoing process that lasts a lifetime . . . because your sexuality can change over time, so you’re trying to hit a moving target.

I learned — or was reminded — that the way people define sex and use language about it can have a huge impact on how they practice it.

I learned that working out is hot.

I learned that it’s really, really, really hard to talk about cheating in a way that doesn’t traffic in black- and- white moral absolutes, without seriously pissing a lot of people off.

I learned that watching a ten-second spank scene on a non- pornographic TV show can be way hotter than watching an extensive and explicit spank scene in a porno . . . because if you’ve been watching the show, you know and care about the characters, and the meaning behind the spanking is both more powerful and more convincing.

I learned that I’m not the only one who inserts layers of meta- fantasy detachment from her more disturbing sex fantasies. Not by a long shot.

I learned that having your personal love life be a part of the unfolding of major historical events is an exhilarating, unsettling, and deeply strange experience.

I learned that writing about sex every single week is more of a challenge than I thought it would be.

And I learned that writing about sex every single week is way more fun than I thought it would be. More fun than a barrel of sex-crazed monkeys.

I hope y’all had as much fun with this as I did. See you next year!

Greta Christina, copyright © 2009. Be sure to check out Greta’s blog.

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This entry was posted on Thursday, 1 January 2009 at 12:00 am and is filed under Culture. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.