[Greta Christina] On the Ubiquity of Shaving
I’ve been thinking about the shaving of public hair.
More specifically: I’ve been thinking about a social trend I keep hearing about. If what I’m hearing is correct (and it may not be — it’s not like I’ve done a rigorous, statistically representative, peer-reviewed study on the subject), then shaving and/or trimming pubic hair has become fairly standard among the new generation of sexually active adults. (At least in the U.S. and Europe.) It’s become understood, apparently, that pretty much everyone shaves or at least trims their pubic hair, as just a normal part of modern civilized grooming procedures.
And I have very mixed feelings about this.
First, let me spell this out up front: I have absolutely no issues with the shaving of pubic hair itself. I have some personal aesthetic and erotic opinions about it; but as a socio- politico- sexual phenomenon, participated in or not by other people who I’m not having sex with, I have no opinion about it whatsoever. I consider it an entirely private, none- of- my- business decision. (And even my personal aesthetic and erotic opinions about it are pretty non-committal, amounting to, “Yeah, shaved or trimmed is nice, but it’s not that big a deal, it’s really fine either way.”)
My mixed feelings aren’t about shaving itself. They’re about the degree to which shaving has become de rigueur.
(If indeed that’s true. See disclaimer above.)
My initial reaction is to be against it. I don’t like the idea of any specific form of sexual expression being de rigueur. I think that sex is too personal, and too important, for it to be controlled by the whims of fashion. I don’t like the idea of people shaving their pubic hair just because all the cool kids are doing it . . . any more than I like the idea of people doing bondage, or having three-ways, or saving their virginity for marriage, just because all the cool kids are doing it. Sex is too special for that — and people’s sexualities are too unique, and too idiosyncratic, for that.
And I have issues with what I strongly suspect is the source of this trend: namely, mainstream commercial porn. I hate the idea of porn being the trendsetter, the sexual yardstick by which our sexual activity is measured. The sex in mainstream commercial porn is highly exaggerated; it’s choreographed primarily to look good on camera, not to feel good for the participants; it focuses largely on male pleasure at the expense of female pleasure; and it’s standardized to an almost ritualistic degree that would be laughable if it weren’t so sad. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Porn is not sex education. It scares and saddens me to think of an entire generation of sexually active adults getting their ideas about what is and isn’t normal/ acceptable/ desirable in sex from porn.
So. All that bugs me.
But. Yet. On the other hand.
I will also say this:
I like the casualness that the standardness of pubic shaving reveals. I like how it treats genitals as just another body part, like armpits or legs or faces — just another body part that people shave or trim to make themselves more sexually appealing. I think this shows a healthy, relaxed attitude towards sex: an attitude that treats one’s genitals as an integral part of one’s body, and sex as an integral part of one’s life.
And I like the way it treats sex as important and valuable, worth preparing for ahead of time. As I’ve written before: The idea that sex always has to be completely spontaneous in order to be truly valuable, and that preparing or planning for sex makes it antiseptic and lifeless . . . it’s one of the most pernicious sexual myths we have. If the new generation of sexually active adults is showing the value they place on sex, and their willingness to take responsibility for it, by grooming their genitals for sex ahead of time — not just for special occasions, but as a matter of everyday practice — then maybe that’s not such a bad thing.
I’m not wild about the idea of it becoming de rigueur. But then, I’m not wild about the fact that women have to shave our legs and armpits if we don’t want to be seen as crunchy granola hippies or bomb-throwing radicals. Or that men have to cut their hair and shave or at least trim their beards if they don’t want to be seen as . . . well, as crunchy granola hippies or bomb-throwing radicals.
And I’ve nevertheless come to terms with it. I get that dress and grooming are languages, symbols we use to signal our segment of society and to express our attitudes towards it. And I get that that this language shifts over time, in much the same way that regular language shifts over time. If the meaning of pubic shaving is changing — socially and erotically — from “weird kinky fetish” to “porn star slutty” to “standard for sexually active young cosmopolitan adults” . . . well, it’s not that much weirder than the way the meaning of makeup changed in the last century or so, from “prostitute” to “daring and fashionable” to “respectable and conventional.”
So I’m not wild about the idea of pubic shaving becoming de rigueur. So what. I wasn’t wild about bell-bottoms coming back into style, either. If pubic shaving is becoming a standard part of the sexual language — and if what’s being said in that language is, “Sex is a normal and integral part of our lives, and it’s a valuable part that’s worth taking some time to prepare for” — I think I can live with that.
This entry was posted on Wednesday, 14 October 2009 at 11:28 am and is filed under Culture. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
on Thursday, 15 October 2009 at 12:22 pm Heidi Anderson wrote:
I have no problem with whatever trends are in style, mainly because I am rarely if ever the trendy one.
However, when visiting Fetlife, the hate and disgust expressed towards those who HAVE public hair was unbelievable. But, much like being fat, public hair has become yet another filter that lovers must sift through to get to me, and by the time they do, they are worthwhile!
Fat and pubic hair=asshole repellant.
on Thursday, 15 October 2009 at 1:05 pm Lacuna wrote:
I do not shave. I keep things trimmed, but part of that is my age. At 37, I grew up during a time when pubic hair was *normal* and a sign that you were physically mature (but post-hippie hairy days). When I was younger, being shaved was a prop to look like a *child*. However, I’m in a relationship with a 22 year old who “grew up” on mainstream porn and abhors pubic hair - his and others. However, he’s had to adjust to the fact that while I’ll trim, I won’t shave. Mostly I don’t want to look like a child, I hate stubble, and I don’t want yet another body part to shave. What a pain. I also don’t care for how he looks shaved. He’s young enough - I don’t need him looking like a 10 year old! DISGUSTING!
on Thursday, 15 October 2009 at 1:34 pm Cat wrote:
I don’t think shaving pubic hair is entirely about making oneself more sexually appealing. I think many younger people, some of whom aren’t even sexually active, are shaving because they feel like it’s more hygienic, and because they perceive any body hair as being gross or unclean.
on Thursday, 15 October 2009 at 2:18 pm Simon wrote:
So, I’m a 28-year-old male and I shave occasionally, as does my wife. I like the sensation of sex when I’m clean-shaven - as though I feel ‘more’. I also think that shaving facilitates oral sex for both parties. That said, both my wife and I grow it out, have oral and penetrative sex and enjoy it, and enjoy the look of pubic hair. For us, I think it’s just another part of the sexual or genital repertoire - occasionally shaved, often not. Definitely nothing to do with ‘fashion’, rather it began as a ‘let’s try it and see if we enjoy it’. And we did. But again, nothing permanently life-changing or sexuality-threatening about it.
on Thursday, 15 October 2009 at 2:47 pm Lynet wrote:
It worries me to think that people might perceive me as dirty because I leave my pubic hair as it is. I get away with armpit hair, so I’m already off-trend and capable of dealing with it, but pubic hair is especially noticeable to anyone having sex with me. I hate the trend towards removing pubic hair because I hate the idea that I might come to feel ashamed of such a personal part of my body.
on Thursday, 15 October 2009 at 3:04 pm Greta Christina wrote:
“I don’t think shaving pubic hair is entirely about making oneself more sexually appealing. I think many younger people, some of whom aren’t even sexually active, are shaving because they feel like it’s more hygienic, and because they perceive any body hair as being gross or unclean.”
Cat: I would argue that those are closely related. Being hygenic, and not being gross or unclean, are part of being sexually appealing. (For most people, anyway.) Especially when it’s regarding one’s genitals.
on Thursday, 15 October 2009 at 3:51 pm neosnowqueen wrote:
For me, shaving is practical for hygiene. If I had basically functioning plumbing, I probably would have just stuck with trimming, but since my bladder issue becomes a smell issue, shaving keeps me from smelling too much like urine. A little smell is normal, but the same pubic hair that kept in good bacteria also kept in the urine smell.
I’m also very much not sexually active with other people, so whatever goes on with my body is exclusively for my own comfort and preferences, which permits me more freedom in what I decide to do to myself. Shaving my pubic hair makes sensations stronger, and I actually get to see what I look like. I’ve grown to like what I see, and it makes me feel sexy.
I also shave my legs and under my arms, which puts me in the realm of the mainstream expectations. But I shave my head. I enjoy the process of shaving - it’s not a chore for me, most of the time.
So yeah, I do what I like. Sometimes it fits with expectations, good or bad. Other times, it’s off the beaten path. I feel that as long as I can explain my decisions, there shouldn’t be a problem with what I do with my body hair.
on Thursday, 15 October 2009 at 5:36 pm Kelly wrote:
I shave because it’s cleaner and it feels better.
My pubic hair when fully grown is a forest and gets uncomfortably/painfully tied up under clothing. Being shaved resolves that problem nicely. Aesthetically, I think it looks better…and I like being able to see what gives me pleasure.
on Thursday, 15 October 2009 at 5:39 pm Jeremy wrote:
A recent article in Glamour (perhaps August or September 2009) told the story of the author’s hot date. She was feeling proud and sexy about her recent full wax until her about-to-get-lucky date made a comment he was relieved that bare had become de rigueur. At that she was on her way home. She no longer felt special, and the guy now appeared slutty and unappreciative.
on Friday, 16 October 2009 at 12:22 am Tess wrote:
I like this piece, Greta.
However, the discussion on pubic hair maintenance often troubles me because there are tropes that often come out on both sides (as one can see in the comments to this piece)
On the one side, people think that shaving is akin to masked paedophile desires, or the effect of mainstream porn on our shallow society.
On the other side we have people decrying pubic hair as gross and unclean.
My wish is that people could be comfortable with their own bodies and own desires. I’m comfortable within the bounds of my relationships expressing a preference for how my partners groom themselves. My partners, however, are free to groom themselves as they choose. And I choose to shave myself, as the physical sensations are stronger during sex, and my primary partner prefers it. It’s simple, and it works.
on Friday, 16 October 2009 at 2:00 am Clare wrote:
I am twenty-nine and I don’t shave or trim my bikini line. I tried it once out of curiosity and at the suggestion of a new lover but developed a spectacularly uncomfortable and unpleasant case of ‘razor rash pussy’ so never again. To be honest, no-one has ever really had a problem with it. That said, I’d probably need to do some trimming if I ever want to go swimming again…
on Friday, 16 October 2009 at 5:06 am naath wrote:
It pisses me off when people equate their personal aesthetic choices to “cleanliness”. It’s quite possible to be clean without shaving or trimming, it’s called soap and most of us know how to use it. Sure, perhaps you find it easier to keep your shaved self clean; but I don’t find keeping clean an issue at all.
My personal aesthetic preference is that shaved skin looks (and feels) gross (to me), trimming I can take or leave but for myself I leave it on account of it being effort for no gain (to me). Of course other people have other aesthetic preferences and other opinions of the feel of shaved skin.
The apparent social expectation that everyone (female) shaves is appalling I think, it’s my hair and I really don’t see why anyone has a right to expect me to do anything with it.
on Friday, 16 October 2009 at 11:37 am Bonne Vie - Wholestyle on the Web: Week of 10/16/09 wrote:
[…] The Blowfish Blog: On the Ubiquity of Shaving […]
on Friday, 16 October 2009 at 12:10 pm Cand86 wrote:
I’m currently growing out my bush (I was totally inspired by Jiz Lee’s “disco bush”), although I still shave my labia just because I prefer how it feels. But for a while there I was shaving, and it had nothing to do with aesthetics or hygiene, and a whole lot more to do with how bored I was in the bathtub on a given weekend after shaving my legs (in fact, now that I think about it, any shaving I do, which is definitely intermittent and not on any regular schedule, is usually the result of wanting something to do while reading in the bathtub). I’ve never been able to get it silky smooth, anyways- it may look hairless, but I can feel stubble immediately afterward (I imagine waxing would do the trick).
I definitely feel ya on the contradictory feelings about shaving becoming a norm, though. On one hand, I don’t care, and on the other, I cringe to think about women who have to experience a man cringing or expressing disgust over her pubic hair, and feeling pressure to remove it in order to be seen as sexy and beautiful. I suppose I’d probably feel better about it if I knew that men were just as neurotic about their pubic hair, but, as always, it seems more like their vanity in that regard is optional, not a given.
I’m just glad that I seem to hear the whole pedophile argument a whole lot less- I’ve definitely grown sick and tired of people saying that men who like women shaved like it because they look like pre-pubescent girls (funny, though, how I imagine few people would say the same about women who prefer their female partners shaved).
Also, isn’t it strange that now that being bald is coming into style, people are talking about the resurgence of pubic hair in porn? Interesting.
on Friday, 16 October 2009 at 5:05 pm Kelly wrote:
I didn’t find that keeping clean was an issue when I had hair there (I shower twice a day), but pubic hair does accumulate urine and period blood more so than bare skin. I personally don’t like having that hanging around in between washings.
For those who’ve never tried shaving, give it a whirl. The stimulation is far better.
on Saturday, 17 October 2009 at 12:03 am BlakThundar wrote:
I started trimming due to the fact that I was on the swim team, and I thought people seeing my pubic hair was kinda gross… which ultimately led to shaving. I now shave irregularly, but like being shaved better in general. And with women, well personally, I hate getting hair in my teeth. However, I think people should be free to do as they wish.
on Saturday, 17 October 2009 at 1:01 am Penny wrote:
I shave very irregularly (on all parts of my body), but for me it’s a sensation thing. I feel like my skin (on both my legs and my pussy) is more sensitive after it’s been shaved. That’s also partially the reason I don’t do it that often–I like shaving to be a luxury rather than a necessity for me. I always feel sorry for people who go, “Augh… I need to go shave today, I’m starting to get really hairy.” Because I don’t shave very often, I can say, “Whee! I’m gonna shave tonight! Isn’t that gonna be fun!”
on Saturday, 17 October 2009 at 1:59 am ToppHogg wrote:
I really doubt that shaving is as ubiquitous as our author would like to claim. Despite all of the hype around it, I have never encountered anyone who shaved. This leads me to conclude that it is an accepted practice in a small group - like being a Republican anymore - which hardly represents the mainstream.
on Sunday, 18 October 2009 at 8:23 am d wrote:
Removing pubic hair is infantilizing, and I have trouble understanding what is so ’sexy’ about imitating pre-pubescence. I don’t want my partner’s genitals (or body) to look pre-pubescent.
on Sunday, 18 October 2009 at 6:14 pm Mike wrote:
I think I’m alone in this opinion, but I think shaving is female-driven to make oral sex feel better. All the other stuff about it is window dressing.
on Monday, 19 October 2009 at 4:41 pm ysabet wrote:
Like some guys who don’t grow beards because they itch, my pubic hair itches. So I remove it. It’s got precisely nothing to do with sex, and everything to do with not itching all the damn time. I know I’m probably in a minority, but it is slightly irritating when it’s assumed that the only reasons for doing something with hair on any part of one’s body are for sex. And even more so when it’s the genital area. Yes, that area is used for sex; it also has other uses and issues.
on Wednesday, 21 October 2009 at 7:23 pm rica wrote:
people nowadays are very trendy and we want ourselves to look good. I agree that women like me feel oral sex better if our partner shaved.
on Thursday, 22 October 2009 at 11:50 pm Tina St. Sebastian wrote:
I didn’t even try shaving until a guy (the second guy who went down on me) told me, in the middle of a party, that he wouldn’t sleep with me again, since I was so hairy it “totally grossed him out” but that he might reconsider if I shaved. I was 17 and spent the rest of the night crying and felt both humiliated and disgusting for a fairly long time after that.
Now, I have grown up a bit, and though I occasionally shave, I never go bare anymore and I usually just trim (damn, pubes can get *long*) and tell potential sex partners that they can go somewhere else if it bothers them that much (although I can appreciate the ‘hair-in-the-teeth’ argument).
Personally, I like my partners with a bit of hair…it’s fun to play with :)
on Monday, 26 October 2009 at 12:57 pm Andy wrote:
To Cat and others: did you ever wonder how so many of us went down on our ladies for so many years and never once found hair repulsive? Just the opposite - for the longest time hair down there was the forbidden fruit and only made the taste sweeter. You might also take stock of the men who insist you go bare, vs. the men who are delighted to have you any way you choose.
on Wednesday, 11 November 2009 at 3:56 pm [Greta Christina] The Learned Fetish | Blowfish Blog wrote:
[…] I am a bit conflicted about this. (Naturally. I swear, I’m not this conflicted and overthinking about my sex life all the time. I just don’t usually bother to write think pieces about aspects of my sexuality that I’m completely comfortable with. It lacks dramatic tension.) On the one hand, I’m not crazy about my personal libido being shaped to this degree by commercial video porn. Commercial video porn is all too often a quagmire of conventionality, misinformation, body fascism, and cliche piled on cliche piled on cliche. Even in low-budget, micro-marketed niche porn like spanking porn. Sometimes especially so. For the same reasons that I don’t want my tastes in food shaped by the mainstream food industry, I don’t want my tastes in sex shaped by the mainstream porn industry. Like I wrote in my recent piece on the ubiquity of pubic hair shaving, it bugs me no end that commercial porn has become a primary trendsetting influence on sexual culture. It’s just not a very good one. […]
on Thursday, 12 November 2009 at 2:58 am Valhar2000 wrote:
Shaved genitals, yet another thing that makes modern porn unsexy. I’ve watched some porn made in the 70’s recently and, I gotta say, there’s no comparison between it and all the “Hot Sexy Coeds” and “BangBros” crap that floods the Internet nowadays. And, wouldn’t you know it, women used to have hair on their pussies back then!
I suppose it’s likely that they made just as much crappy porn back in the 70s as they do now, and only the better porn has survived until now, but still.
on Sunday, 15 November 2009 at 12:15 pm Matrim wrote:
My issues with hair, I can safely say, are more practical than simple porn indoctrination. There are four primary reasons why I’m not a fan of pubic hair.
First, and most simply, I’m a very visual person. I’ve always been a voyeur by nature, and I like to see what’s going on. Pubic hair gets in the way. It’s not how pubic hair looks, it’s what it keeps me from seeing.
Second, I like the feeling of smooth skin on smooth skin. In this respect I feel hair is like clothing, it just gets in the way.
Third, hygene. Personally I’ve never really enjoyed the smell of sex, it’s not a huge issue, but I’m not turned on by musk. And, in my experience, the more pubic hair a person has, the more of a smell they have.
Forth, I like oral sex, but it’s very distracting to deal with pubic hair in your mouth.
…
…and, I suppose, there is a fifth reason. I’m a fairly hairy person by nature, and I’ve never liked it in myself, so I don’t really like it in others either (and so I take great pains to tone the hair down unless my partner likes it). And this goes for men or women, I don’t like it when people are hairy. It’s not a deal-breaker, very few things are for me, but it isn’t something I enjoy.
There, my treatise on body hair.
on Tuesday, 8 December 2009 at 3:15 am Hanna wrote:
I have been shaving pretty much since the hair started growing (pubic and under arms). That is about 10 years then. I just found the hair else where than on my head and eyebrows disgusting looking, maybe it was because I am blond but pubic hair was dark brown (I wonder how I would have reacted if it had been same colour as my hair on my head, or like the hair on my legs and arms - almost invisible). Sometimes I let it grow little longer (maybe 1cm, that’s long for me) but in that point I definitely shave it away. I guess in the beginning it was being afraid of growing up, but I think now I’m just used to it and find it more aesthetic. I’m glad that my partner shares my aesthetics although he may sometimes leave a little stripe there.
When I have talked with my friends about this, I’d say that I seem to be in minority with my everything away shaving. And my friend actually asked that doesn’t it feel like being with a little boy if there is no pubic hair. Well no it doesn’t. There is quite big difference between grown up men and little boys and pubic hair doesn’t change it. And well I rather not get hair in my mouth.