[Greta Christina] A Cornucopia of Climaxes
I’ve been thinking about orgasms.
Just for a change.
Orgasms, I think we can all agree, are great. (I know — what a controversial and groundbreaking assertion! Alert the media!) But lately, I’ve been thinking about the vast variety of climactic sexual experiences that aren’t, technically speaking, orgasms. I’ve been thinking about sexual experiences that feel, in some sense, like an orgasm, or like a second cousin of an orgasm — a shiver, an explosion of energy, a feeling of relaxation and release — but that probably wouldn’t register as “orgasm” if I was hooked up to a Masters and Johnson orgasm- measuring machine.
We have a poverty of language about sexual pleasure. And this includes a poverty of language about climactic sexual pleasure. Every time I read about the four stages of human sexual response cycle (excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution), I feel like I’m looking at a map of a forest that’s only mapping out the one path from the parking lot to the main lodge, without showing any of the trails and creeks and pastures. Technically, I suppose these not-quite-climactic climaxes fall into the “excitement” or “plateau” phase of the response cycle . . . but that language doesn’t capture the feeling of rich, complex satisfaction these other trails have to offer.
So here are some of the not-exactly-orgasmic sexual climaxes I’ve experienced, and the language I’ve come up with to describe them. If you have some of your own, please speak up about them in the comments!
Mini-gasms. When I’m on my way to coming, I’ll often have a series of little mini-climaxes. They’re not technically orgasms; they’re not all-encompassing the way an orgasm is, and they don’t make me feel satisfied, except for just a second. In fact, they actually wind me up more. But they’re definitely in the same family: the “over the top of the rollercoaster” peak, the shuddering release of tension and energy. It’s just a smaller rollercoaster. They’re like the amuse-bouche of the sexual world: in giving a little taste of what’s to come, a taste that’s nowhere nearly large enough to be filling, they excite the hunger rather than satisfying it.
Not that that’s a bad thing.
Thrill-gasms. If I’m really wound up — if I’ve been thinking about a sexual encounter for hours or days before I have it — I’ll sometimes have a little shiver of a climax the moment my partner first touches me. Or a not so little shiver. Or several shivers. The moment after a long period of anticipation, when my body feels the erotic touch of my partner and realizes that it’s finally about to get laid . . . it feels in an odd way like the moment after a long period of foreplay when my body finally gets to come.
Pain-gasms. All the masochists in the audience are nodding their heads. For some of us, pain — the right kind of pain, in the right context — can feel not only as arousing and exciting as more conventional sexual stimulation, but as climatically satisfying as well. It’s like a sexual response cycle in a parallel universe: the excitement of the first few warm-up blows, the plateau of the high-flying endorphin high, the climactic shudders when the pain pushes the envelope, the rich feeling of peace and dissolving into the dark when it’s all over. It just doesn’t involve the involuntary rhythmic contractions of the genital muscles. (Except when it does. The parallel universes do sometimes bleed into each other. I can’t be the only person in the world who’s come from a beating.)
Nipple-gasms. This one is different. This one, I think, legitimately counts as a Masters and Johnson orgasm. I’ve even been known to ejaculate from having my nipples played with. But it has a significantly different flavor to it than a standard “genital sensation” orgasm. Coming without any physical stimulation coming anywhere near my genitals . . . to me, it’s a radically different experience. Different enough that it needs its own name.
Think-gasms. I love this one. Walking to work; sitting at my computer at the cafe; sitting on the bus staring out the window . . . if I’m fiercely fantasizing about a sexual scenario, the imaginary orgasm will sometimes shiver through my real body. It’s not quite like an orgasm itself (which is just as well for the other people at the cafe or on the bus). It’s like an echo of an orgasm. Or a shadow of one.
Finishing off. This one doesn’t quite fit into my list, as it definitely counts as an actual, no-questions genital orgasm. But I’m including it anyway, since I think our language for different kinds of orgasms is even more impoverished than our language for non-orgasmic climaxes.
This is the flip side of the mini-gasm. Sometimes when I’m having sex, I’ll have a series of orgasms — real, honest- to- Loki, Masters and Johnson orgasms, orgasms complete with the peak and the release and the coming down, orgasms that feel shattering and render me speechless — but that don’t quite leave me feeling . . . finished. In order to feel completely satisfied, completely done, I need to have the One Last Orgasm That Finishes Me Off. I don’t know if the One Last Orgasm is physiologically different from a regular one, I don’t know if it would register any differently if I was hooked up to an orgasm detection machine . . . but it feels radically, qualitatively different from other orgasms. Almost as different as coming feels from not coming at all.
Aftershocks. Damn, these are fun. They’re almost better in some ways than the actual orgasms themselves. These are the shivering tremors I sometimes get after I’ve come: when I’m still feeling all open and aroused and sexual, but am totally relaxed and done with the “excitement/ plateau/ orgasm/ rinse and repeat” cycle. I don’t really experience them in my genitals; I feel them more on the surface of my skin (especially if my partner is touching me just right), and deep down in the core of my body. It’s almost as if my muscles and bones are having the orgasm, instead of my clit and my cunt. And they’re a lot more Zen than a regular orgasm: since I’ve already come and am no longer straining frenetically towards that delightful but sometimes elusive goal, I can just lie back and enjoy them.
So those are a few of my trails in the woods; a few samples from my climactic cornucopia.
What are yours?
This entry was posted on Tuesday, 2 March 2010 at 4:59 pm and is filed under Culture. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
on Tuesday, 2 March 2010 at 8:30 pm leopardprint wrote:
I sometimes get pushed really close from sensuous play; if a partner runs their fingers the right way across my shoulders or up my sides, I get a preorgasmic shiver that can heighten my awareness of their actions.
I get a parallel high from topping (to your “pain-gasm”); there’s a very visceral satisfaction from topping in the right situation. I think it’s partially projecting (since I’m a switch and can imagine their excitement) but there’s also a special type of sexual satisfaction (not quite an orgasm, but close) that I get from watching someone squirm, and being in control of someone else’s experience through whatever scene we’re doing. And it’s just fun to watch someone writhe and pant :)
on Tuesday, 2 March 2010 at 9:09 pm Noah wrote:
I like the list.
As for additions, I know that sometimes, I have functional or maintenance orgasms when masturbating. The kind of orgasm that isn’t even great, but because of a long day or a stressful situation, I masturbate to release tension. Those are nice on an intellectual level more than a physical level.
Noah
on Tuesday, 2 March 2010 at 11:38 pm britbacca wrote:
I commend you for expanding our confined vocabulary when it comes to coming!
I’d like to offer two more:
1. The “head-orgasm:” while, obviously, not an official genital orgasm, this is one of my favorites. It’s the feeling that builds up in your body when you are being gently caressed and stroked by your partner, sending those delightful tingling sensations up your spine. Eventually, with just the right, light touch, I get the most satisfying feeling as the tension releases and sends a cascade of goosebumps down my body.
2. The wet-dream orgasm: as a woman, it’s hard to find any good references when it comes to wet dreams in females, but I count myself lucky that I get to experience them! I love having a terribly lucid, explicit dreams that culminate in a semi-conscious, hands-free orgasm. I wake up just enough to feel my body convulsing and then relaxing into a warm, post-orgasmic state as I drift back off to sleep. When I wake up the next morning, I always end up feeling much more chipper when I remember the fun I had the night before. :-)
on Wednesday, 3 March 2010 at 12:49 pm Crystal wrote:
YES. We need new and wonderful ways of describing the way we experience sex!
I wonder, though, if we could come up with language to describe the female sexual experience that doesn’t exclude women who don’t orgasm (we exist, and I’m not looking for suggestions for sexual therapists, that’s just the way my body works). I’ve noticed that all descriptions of female sexuality center around the orgasm pretty exclusively, and that not climaxing is seen as a sexual dysfunction. I enjoy a lot of sexual sensations that in no way resemble orgasms in whatever technical sense you care to use.
-gasm this and -gasm that…how about something different?
on Wednesday, 3 March 2010 at 1:28 pm Angie wrote:
I’ll second the dreamgasm! Love those lucid dream ones where you can kind of control what’s happening.
I also propose two more:
The ghostgasm- that frustrating PITA kind where you get SO close (sometimes repeatedly) and then at the last minute something fails (for me usually it is either sheer exhaustion- forearms or fingers lose circulation, muscle cramp, or I get distracted by something or can’t keep my mind on the fantasy that got me to that point) and then your body still goes through the physical motions of an orgasm (feeling of calm, endorphins releasing, and clenching), but no actual climax. These are highly disappointing.
The weedgasm- I have not yet met another man or woman who experiences this, though I googled this term I came up with and found that several other women on forums have this too: where sometimes when you’re high you get VERY intense all over body orgasms that are usually much stronger than normal orgasms, and it can almost bee too much, it’s like an assault on the senses and sometimes I love it and sometimes it’s too intense. It brings back the sensations I used to feel very strongly for the first couple years after I first started orgasming through masturbation- the super pepperminty/menthol icyhot feeling in the tips of my fingers and toes and nose and I swear I can feel it in the ends of my hair too, and of course where it counts lol. It can range from just once while I’m high or a whole bunch of times, sometimes multiples one right after another and crazy long aftershocks. Sometimes it’s so intense it seems that everything blurs/blacks out for a minute while it’s going on. There’s not really any way I can predict if it will happen, except it seems to happen more the higher I am, and also more often if I also have been drinking. Masturbating while high can bring on weed-enhanced normal orgasms, or a full-blown weedgasm,which is more rare, but I can actually sometimes cause it to happen that way. Most of the time it catches me by surprise and I’m in the middle of eating dinner or watching a movie with friends or family and it can get kinda awkward trying to explain that weird look on my face I just had.
on Wednesday, 3 March 2010 at 2:53 pm czarina flo g wrote:
i’ll third the wet-dream-gasms:)
i’m much older than most of you, i suspect, and am not partnered any more and not looking, so masturbation IS sex and orgasm for me and has been for a while.
and i’m one of the lucky gals who masturbate handsfree most of the time.
in addition, any kind of build-up of tension - it need not start out in a sexual or even sensual context - often leads to the weighty sweetness of wanting to come.
so: driving home from work in lousy traffic, both hands properly on the wheel, lol, i do kegel exercises, fantasize men fucking, and have two or three orgasms that are bigger than minis, but smaller than full-blown.
(yeah, i like men so much i tend to leave out myself or any other woman in my fantasies. sometimes i think this is rather voyeuristic, but viva le difference.)
stuck on a long checkout line? the same thing; though i suspect my attempts to reduce physical movement or any weird facial expressions aren’t entirely successful. but nothing that would make other people run away screaming or even inch away from me:)
for the full meal, i watch gay male porn, usually equally handsfree. i can typically go for four to six orgasms - the first mid-sized, the second usually the most powerful and pretty damn good. i’m no spring chicken; i do think the orgasms of my teens and twenties were somewhat stronger - and the remaining two to four are nice hard aftershocks.
vibrators are good too; it goes without saying:)
on Wednesday, 3 March 2010 at 3:47 pm Keely wrote:
LOVE this post. My orgasms–and similar, climax-like experiences–are so variable, and yet I’ve never really developed a good way to describe them.
Aftershocks are definitely my favorite. Mmmm.
on Wednesday, 3 March 2010 at 4:50 pm Rachel wrote:
I’ll second the “ghostgasm” though I’ve also had it done to me intentionally — the guy in question called it a “ruined orgasm” which I feel is rather apt. When it’s not due to physical pain or similar, it can actually be very fun. It leaves me just as keyed up as I was before, but more sensitive and aching to go again.
on Wednesday, 3 March 2010 at 9:40 pm Paradox wrote:
I have another suggestion:
The Overwhelmed-gasm. I’ve had these sometimes when I’m being really thoroughly vaginally fucked, sometimes when there’s also some other kind of stimulation going on at the same time. It’s not like a M&J orgasm because I don’t have the muscle spasms or the same feeling, but there’s a definite peak where I feel totally overwhelmed by sensation and then it falls off and I feel relaxed. I’ve had these most often in group sex experiences where I’m being stimulated on lots of part of my body at once and it just comes to a peak of sensation all over my body, but it’s not quite a genital orgasm.
Hooray for this article, I’ve often struggled to pinpoint to partners why it’s okay that I didn’t technically orgasm and explain that I feel satisfied anyway. :-)
on Wednesday, 3 March 2010 at 9:52 pm Chelsea wrote:
I’ve had almost all of these (not ghostgasm, weedgasm, or handsfree- BTW, lucky you!). Just a couple more to throw into the pile:
Emotional orgasm- OK, this is kind of sappy but I’ve had some orgasms during really romantic, sensual lovemaking that- even though they are technical Masters and Johnson orgasms- don’t seem to come from any particular physical stimulation. They just come out of the blue, when I’m really lost in the moment and feeling very connected with my partner. It is not a product of deep penetration, clitoral stimulation, or G-spot contact. Rather, it seems to be a product of emotional stimulation and probably some very specific brain activity (probably similar to handsfree, now that I think about it!). It feels pretty much just like a physical orgasm, just a little more relaxed and not as wild and over the top. I like these a lot, but they’re really rare- I have to be in love to have one.
Staircase orgasm- I describe it as a staircase because it has several different levels, and it just keeps getting better and better. It seems that I rarely ever “finish off”, it’s more often that I’ll have an orgasm, and then it will kind of jump to another level and just keep getting more and more intense for a while, and then it will kind of “reach the top”, and not quite finish off, but just keep happening (seemingly without any kind of pause) until my partner stops whatever he’s doing. Sometimes, it will drop down to the bottom again and ascend the staircase again. It can be almost too much to take, but most of my orgasms seem to be like this (and it’s great! ;)).
on Thursday, 4 March 2010 at 2:08 am Mim wrote:
I’m with Crystal. For various reasons, most probably psychological, I never have an orgasm with a partner these days. Nevertheless I have a huge sexual appetite and so long as my partner isn’t left feeling inadequate because he can’t take me over, we have a perfectly healthy sex life. Be nice if sex positive, female oriented articles focussed less on orgasms in favour of a broader view of female sexuality.
Anyway, on my own, I do have orgasms, although in all fairness I don’t really masturbate that often. I occasionally have dream-gasms, but the funny thing is that the dreams are usually only just barely wet. My brain just seems to decide that some random event is erotic and sends me into spasms, completely passing the excitement and plateau stages and allowing me to go straight into orgasms - so long as I wake up and can press my hand against my clit. It’s quite a nice way to start the day.
on Thursday, 4 March 2010 at 10:35 am tall penguin wrote:
Then there’s the Griefgasm, where a lot of heavy emotion has been building, for whatever reason, often over days, and climax brings a torrent of tears and sobbing. It’s very pure and very cathartic.
on Saturday, 6 March 2010 at 12:47 pm Laura wrote:
Inventing language is so much fun.
My partner and I have call this one a Cry-gasm for a long time. After a great orgasm I just start sobbing. It feels awesome to let out all of those tears.
Vicarious (gasm) happens to me usually when my partner is on top, going to town on me vaginally. He has a great come and I throughly enjoy watching his face and seeing his pleasure. More than that though, right before he comes something feels better for me. I don’t have a regular-gasm but I do get off on the sensation of being well ridden.