I want my girlfriend to fingerfuck me in my old church while the whole congregation hears me screaming.

I want her to shove me in a corner in some grocery store and find the biggest cucumber they have to fill me up with.

I want to be whipped and chained to the wall, clad only in my lace garter belt and red patent heels.

I want to wear a leather corset out and about, only to have it unlaced in a dressing room for the sole purpose of having my tits sucked.

I want my straight guy friend to sit there to watch me play with myself, him knowing he can’t and won’t have me. That might be a little too mean though.

I want to be tossed on the bed and raped consensually by my gf.

I want to find some willing person to chain up and whip.

I want her to draw blood when she bites my neck.
I’m starting to think I may have some deep seated issues with control LOL.

Anyway, I’m back from dinner with more wants stumbling around in the attic:

I want to take a passive bi girl, strap a dildo on her, bend another delicious babe over in front of her, and watch her face as, somewhere deep in her hips, the impulse to thrust into somebody awakens. (Bi girls, let me know if this isn’t what it’s like.)

I want to recruit a couple of friends to help wear out one of my lovers. She has more stamina than I do, though I’ve never been sure how much more. Three (including me) seems like a good number: they can each hold an ankle and a wrist while I fuck her, then I can help hold her down while they each get a turn. If she outlasts all three of us, by that time I might be ready to go again. Or maybe four, so there’s someone to hold the camcorder.

On that note, I want to submit a film to HUMP, though it’s not looking good for this year.

Now that SF apparently finally has a hometown equivalent, IXFF — or rather, Good Vibes does, which is close enough for me — I’d settle for being able to figure out the freaking schedule. Is it really a single screening on a Thursday night? Really??

I have more dildos than anybody needs. I want to sort them by diameter, start with the smallest, and an hour or so later have my lover whimpering and squirming as she takes the largest.

Oh, and @Nick: it wasn’t quite “the rest of the day”, but I did go shoe shopping with one of my sweeties not long ago, specifically for shoes to fool around in when we got home, and it was a hoot. Recommended!

I think just the sentence:

I think the “infinite regress of two reflecting mirrors” thing could be really hot.

is really hot.

Quinapalus, are you by any chance a fan of Douglas Hofstadter?

I think the “infinite regress of two reflecting mirrors” thing could be really hot.

is really hot.

@chicago dyke: The octopus print, entitled Dream of the Fisherman’s Wife, was created by the famous painter and printmaker Hokusai in the early 19th century. There was an extensive tradition of erotic art from that period, though most of it is on more conventional subjects, which is one reason this particular print is so famous.

I share several other readers’ startlement that the author of “Are We Having Sex Now Or What?” doesn’t already have as many groupies as she cares to have, but I can see the situation is already beginning to correct itself.

I’m kind of fascinated by the nuances and ambiguities of sexual privacy. Realistically I know that some large fraction of people have no interest in sex beyond getting off. Idealistically I cherish the fiction that everyone I pass on the street has something that gets them all bothered that I would never guess in a million years. And I’m so curious, but I suspect that if I heard everybody’s, the magic would wear off. How many confessions would be enough but not too many? I’m not likely to find out. In the meantime, Greta steps bravely out of this gap with a few choice perversions to share.

Along these lines: I want to watch my friends have sex. More. Several of my friends discuss their sex lives freely; a few have been open enough to go beyond the telling to the showing, and it’s hella fun. I would love to get a more intimate peek at the people I know well.

My neighbors are about to move out. I want my new neighbors to have fun loudly sometimes. I’ve never been cursed with neighbors who did this excessively, so perhaps I’m idealizing it, but when I’m just going about my tedious business, or even having a bad day, and I’m suddenly made aware that other people are having fun, SLAP, it just throws a huge, goofy smile on my face. (Fine! I’m an incorrigible voyeur! What about it??)

Since I already have a functioning penis, my angle on the shapeshifting fantasy is that I want to be able to vary its size and shape at will. Imagine being able to put on just the right amount of G-spot stimulation at just the right time! I’ve always assumed that every other SF-reading pervert has had exactly the same thoughts.

I want my lover to tell me to pack a bottle of champagne and some strawberries, nectarines and a mango, and dress for a hike. Halfway to wherever we’re going, without interrupting the conversation, she takes off her shirt and hands it to me. A little later, her bra, then her shorts, then her undies. We reach an improbably picturesque meadow and spread out a blanket; I strip to my boots too, and we sip our wine and nibble our fruit. And then we fuck amidst the sunshine and butterflies.

I want to drag my lover out of our hotel room and into the stairwell, and up to the top where there’s only a metal railing, some pipes and a locked door that would have given us roof access. And then bend her over that railing and pound her proper.

I want to take my lover to a party, find a spare bedroom, and turn the lights down very low. I want to sit outside this room and choose people to let in. When someone is let into this room, they have to wait a minute while their eyes adjust, and when they do, they see my sweetie with her ass in the air, waiting to be taken. She trusts my judgment because I know all her types.

I also want to be let into this room. To find my own sweetie, or someone else’s. Either is fine.

I want to put wrist and ankle cuffs on my lover on Friday night, and take them off Monday morning. If we want to go out, we can camouflage them with long sleeves/pants so as not to drag other people into our scene. Or we can stay home. Mostly we’ll cook and read the paper and catch up on the Netflix queue, but when the mood takes me, I’ll tie the cuffs to the bedposts or the legs of the couch or the picnic table out on the patio and use her as I please. I nurtured this fantasy for years and years before I let myself realize that it was about making her a temporary slave, and when I did, the word hit me like a slap in the face. It is what it is, though.

We both laughed out loud at ’sprout a functioning penis’. I hear ya. I could totally go for that and have fantasized about that before. Shape shifting in general sounds very luscious and eminently useful.

Along the Octopus Fantasy line, I have fantasized about being fucked by a demon. This fantasy was born while watching Legend. The Darkness, played fittingly by Tim Curry, was so damn sexy. In the fantasy, the demon forcefully french kisses me and his tongue goes through my body and pushes on my g-spot and out my pussy and plays with my clit.
Phew! :)

very nice post. and pic! the japanese are so advanced when it comes to pr0n. for all many of them are misogynists. where did you find it and are there more?

I want to wear a nun costume. I want you in some completely humiliating school girl outfit. I want you to call me Sister Jude. And I never want to talk about it again.

Funny how I can respond to a list like this but I don’t know if I could create one. I am too intent on being thwarted and denied.

this sounds awesome. pretty sure it’s going on my list of “greatest fantasies ever that will never be fulfilled.”

Sorry, couldn’t help myself! :)

Can Professor Snape use polyjuice potion to turn into a tentacle monster and discipline a Christian housewife? Inquiring minds want to know.

I want to go shoe shopping with a woman and then have her spend the rest of the day wearing nothing but the shoes she just bought.

I want a mistress to use my cock to torture her unwilling slave

And this part is for Ingrid–you are an amazingly supportive partner such that Greta can publish this kind of list. I totally envy the relationship that the two of you have together.

Have two young gay men blow me in a public shower. Then I would fuck one of them.

Be the teacher of a desperate and failing female student who wants to fuck for a grade.

Have a harem of women who are all desperate to be made pregnant by me–and none of whom know I’m shooting blanks. I’d have all kinds of kinky non-vaginal sex with them all, letting them compete to be the one who gets my jiz in her pussy.

Have two women play cock roulette. One sucks me for 30 seconds, then the other one fucks me for 30 seconds. Each one desperate to “win.”

Not very shocking stuff, really. :)

I want to go on a book tour or a speaking engagement and have admiring fans throw themselves at me sexually.

Well, have you posted your tour dates yet?