Comments on: All I Really Need To Know I Learned From Porn — Or Not http://blog.blowfish.com/culture/all-i-really-need-to-know-i-learned-from-porn-or-not/452 Sponsored by Blowfish: Good Products for Great Sex. Fri, 19 Mar 2010 17:36:52 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.0.7 by: [Greta Christina] On the Ubiquity of Shaving | Blowfish Blog http://blog.blowfish.com/culture/all-i-really-need-to-know-i-learned-from-porn-or-not/452#comment-94290 Wed, 14 Oct 2009 18:28:32 +0000 http://blog.blowfish.com/culture/all-i-really-need-to-know-i-learned-from-porn-or-not/452#comment-94290 [...] And I have issues with what I strongly suspect is the source of this trend: namely, mainstream commercial porn. I hate the idea of porn being the trendsetter, the sexual yardstick by which our sexual activity is measured. The sex in mainstream commercial porn is highly exaggerated; it’s choreographed primarily to look good on camera, not to feel good for the participants; it focuses largely on male pleasure at the expense of female pleasure; and it’s standardized to an almost ritualistic degree that would be laughable if it weren’t so sad. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Porn is not sex education. It scares and saddens me to think of an entire generation of sexually active adults getting their ideas about what is and isn’t normal/ acceptable/ desirable in sex from porn. [...] […] And I have issues with what I strongly suspect is the source of this trend: namely, mainstream commercial porn. I hate the idea of porn being the trendsetter, the sexual yardstick by which our sexual activity is measured. The sex in mainstream commercial porn is highly exaggerated; it’s choreographed primarily to look good on camera, not to feel good for the participants; it focuses largely on male pleasure at the expense of female pleasure; and it’s standardized to an almost ritualistic degree that would be laughable if it weren’t so sad. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Porn is not sex education. It scares and saddens me to think of an entire generation of sexually active adults getting their ideas about what is and isn’t normal/ acceptable/ desirable in sex from porn. […]

]]> by: Good Vibrations Magazine » Blog » gonzo porn, realtity shows, and extreme sports http://blog.blowfish.com/culture/all-i-really-need-to-know-i-learned-from-porn-or-not/452#comment-61524 Mon, 16 Mar 2009 23:04:40 +0000 http://blog.blowfish.com/culture/all-i-really-need-to-know-i-learned-from-porn-or-not/452#comment-61524 [...] To add another layer of complexity, it’s also pretty clear that some people copy what they see in porn without much thought about desire, consent, or safety. For example, I hear from lots of people who try anal sex without lube because that’s what they see in porn. What they don’t know is that the lube is there- it’s applied before they turn the cameras on. The fact is, porn sex is to real life sex what a car chase in an action movie is to real life driving. Fortunately, we see lots of examples of safe(r) driving techniques, so it’s pretty easy to remember that action movies aren’t trying to demonstrate driving skills. But most people never watch other people having sex, so it’s a lot harder to remember that porn isn’t trying to show you how to have sex. [Here's a great blog by the fabulous Greta Christina on this.] [...] […] To add another layer of complexity, it’s also pretty clear that some people copy what they see in porn without much thought about desire, consent, or safety. For example, I hear from lots of people who try anal sex without lube because that’s what they see in porn. What they don’t know is that the lube is there- it’s applied before they turn the cameras on. The fact is, porn sex is to real life sex what a car chase in an action movie is to real life driving. Fortunately, we see lots of examples of safe(r) driving techniques, so it’s pretty easy to remember that action movies aren’t trying to demonstrate driving skills. But most people never watch other people having sex, so it’s a lot harder to remember that porn isn’t trying to show you how to have sex. [Here’s a great blog by the fabulous Greta Christina on this.] […]

]]> by: The internet, the censor, the blogger and his Twitter hostage | Sue Bailey http://blog.blowfish.com/culture/all-i-really-need-to-know-i-learned-from-porn-or-not/452#comment-51006 Tue, 30 Dec 2008 12:47:11 +0000 http://blog.blowfish.com/culture/all-i-really-need-to-know-i-learned-from-porn-or-not/452#comment-51006 [...] It won’t work because the internet doesn’t work like that, because parents who were really, truly bothered would supervise their children’s surfing, and because curious adolescents want to look at porn - and wouldn’t you rather they did it in the comfort of their own homes than by having to shoplift from newsagents like my generation did? [...] […] It won’t work because the internet doesn’t work like that, because parents who were really, truly bothered would supervise their children’s surfing, and because curious adolescents want to look at porn - and wouldn’t you rather they did it in the comfort of their own homes than by having to shoplift from newsagents like my generation did? […]

]]> by: PBT http://blog.blowfish.com/culture/all-i-really-need-to-know-i-learned-from-porn-or-not/452#comment-9827 Thu, 07 Feb 2008 00:31:43 +0000 http://blog.blowfish.com/culture/all-i-really-need-to-know-i-learned-from-porn-or-not/452#comment-9827 As a virgin male it is incredibly reassuring to know that men arn't supposed to have a solid hard on at the drop of a hat. As a virgin male it is incredibly reassuring to know that men arn’t supposed to have a solid hard on at the drop of a hat.

]]> by: Bunsen http://blog.blowfish.com/culture/all-i-really-need-to-know-i-learned-from-porn-or-not/452#comment-3876 Tue, 30 Oct 2007 14:34:51 +0000 http://blog.blowfish.com/culture/all-i-really-need-to-know-i-learned-from-porn-or-not/452#comment-3876 Greta, While I agree with everything you say (Yes, Yes, YES!) I think you skipped a couple of very significant point about hardcore porn as sexual education. Point One: A vast majority of women don't like getting covered in sperm every time they have sex. Women like being respected, and a little objectified sometimes, but not too much (come to think of it, so do men.) Point Two: Sex can be perfectly fulfilling with just one partner. There is no need to bring in another 3 to 5 coeds - but you can if you want, and your partner is okay with it. Point Three: It's important that your partner be okay with it. Porn dehumanizes sexuality and sex itself - it doesn't care about love, fidelity, or respect for partners. AND POINT FOUR: Safe sex. Safe sex. Please. Random people on set together, just going at it, no condoms, no pills, no nothing. Just a housemaid and a plumber/pizza delivery guy who don't discuss sexual histories, going at it with reckless abandon. I think it bears repeating again. Safe sex. And in support of something you said earlier on, I got screwed by the size issue, because I unfortunately AM at the far, far end of the bell curve, and expected everybody I was ever with to be ecstatic about it. When the horror appeared on first-time lovers' faces, I absolutely could not understand why. Great article. Greta,

While I agree with everything you say (Yes, Yes, YES!) I think you skipped a couple of very significant point about hardcore porn as sexual education.

Point One: A vast majority of women don’t like getting covered in sperm every time they have sex. Women like being respected, and a little objectified sometimes, but not too much (come to think of it, so do men.)

Point Two: Sex can be perfectly fulfilling with just one partner. There is no need to bring in another 3 to 5 coeds - but you can if you want, and your partner is okay with it.

Point Three: It’s important that your partner be okay with it. Porn dehumanizes sexuality and sex itself - it doesn’t care about love, fidelity, or respect for partners.

AND POINT FOUR: Safe sex. Safe sex. Please. Random people on set together, just going at it, no condoms, no pills, no nothing. Just a housemaid and a plumber/pizza delivery guy who don’t discuss sexual histories, going at it with reckless abandon. I think it bears repeating again. Safe sex.

And in support of something you said earlier on, I got screwed by the size issue, because I unfortunately AM at the far, far end of the bell curve, and expected everybody I was ever with to be ecstatic about it. When the horror appeared on first-time lovers’ faces, I absolutely could not understand why.

Great article.

]]> by: Caitlain http://blog.blowfish.com/culture/all-i-really-need-to-know-i-learned-from-porn-or-not/452#comment-3850 Fri, 26 Oct 2007 00:13:10 +0000 http://blog.blowfish.com/culture/all-i-really-need-to-know-i-learned-from-porn-or-not/452#comment-3850 Excellent post. One reason why the state of sex education is so abysmal here in the US is the interference of religion (and moronic politicians) in the process. Unlike what occurs in the Scandanavian countries, where the sex education is, generally speaking, top notch (with the attendant low rates of disease transmission, unplanned pregnancy and abortions), we allow the religious nutjobs to dip their meddling hands into the process of determining what sex education looks like in this country and how sex in general is viewed. This naive treatment of sex has led to a great many problems with sex in this country ranging from the incredibly high rates of disease and pregnancy among teens to higher incidences of rapes. Since we can't treat the subject with anything resembling reality, we force the entire subject itself into the dark spaces and shouldn't be surprised when that turns around and bites us on the ass, both from a societal perspective as well as the individual one. Excellent post. One reason why the state of sex education is so abysmal here in the US is the interference of religion (and moronic politicians) in the process. Unlike what occurs in the Scandanavian countries, where the sex education is, generally speaking, top notch (with the attendant low rates of disease transmission, unplanned pregnancy and abortions), we allow the religious nutjobs to dip their meddling hands into the process of determining what sex education looks like in this country and how sex in general is viewed. This naive treatment of sex has led to a great many problems with sex in this country ranging from the incredibly high rates of disease and pregnancy among teens to higher incidences of rapes. Since we can’t treat the subject with anything resembling reality, we force the entire subject itself into the dark spaces and shouldn’t be surprised when that turns around and bites us on the ass, both from a societal perspective as well as the individual one.

]]> by: To follow up on “You’re doing it wrong”… http://blog.blowfish.com/culture/all-i-really-need-to-know-i-learned-from-porn-or-not/452#comment-3839 Wed, 24 Oct 2007 14:10:29 +0000 http://blog.blowfish.com/culture/all-i-really-need-to-know-i-learned-from-porn-or-not/452#comment-3839 [...] And I didn’t know whether to vomit, throw things, or cry. [...] […] And I didn’t know whether to vomit, throw things, or cry. […]

]]> by: Fredrik http://blog.blowfish.com/culture/all-i-really-need-to-know-i-learned-from-porn-or-not/452#comment-3836 Wed, 24 Oct 2007 12:44:54 +0000 http://blog.blowfish.com/culture/all-i-really-need-to-know-i-learned-from-porn-or-not/452#comment-3836 The picture is not that black and white (speaking as an outsider, I am Swedish). It is mostly American porn that is obsessed with big genitalia, they come in all sizes and forms in other countries' porn (though there is a trend of americanization here). Also, the net reeks of amateur porn, which is usually unedited and reveals more realism. Also, I assume that also American kids talk to each other, and that they are aware that porn is not reality, like they know action movies are not. The more important issues in sex education, I think, are to understand conception and protection, of which porn says nothing. That said, I am not disputing your main point. The picture is not that black and white (speaking as an outsider, I am Swedish). It is mostly American porn that is obsessed with big genitalia, they come in all sizes and forms in other countries’ porn (though there is a trend of americanization here). Also, the net reeks of amateur porn, which is usually unedited and reveals more realism.

Also, I assume that also American kids talk to each other, and that they are aware that porn is not reality, like they know action movies are not.

The more important issues in sex education, I think, are to understand conception and protection, of which porn says nothing.

That said, I am not disputing your main point.

]]> by: Foxbat http://blog.blowfish.com/culture/all-i-really-need-to-know-i-learned-from-porn-or-not/452#comment-3834 Wed, 24 Oct 2007 03:58:22 +0000 http://blog.blowfish.com/culture/all-i-really-need-to-know-i-learned-from-porn-or-not/452#comment-3834 On the one hand, I agree - no one should ever have to learn the mechanics of sex from porn. Your points are good that porn is highly unrepresentative of real sex. But on the other hand: Everything I learned about the mechanics of sex, I learned from porn. Usenet was my sex education. When all my buddies were wondering how many holes there were, I knew. I used to look at pictures because I had no idea about things like the angle of the vagina, or the location of the clitoris. While porn was able to answer these types of basic questions, I was able to correct for many of the inherent non-representative qualities of porn by watching lots of it, and porn of different styles. People forget that there's a huge variation in porn between the big block-buster equivalents made on hundred thousand dollar budgets and the webcam-in-the-parents-basement movies. So some porn is actually fairly representative. The other major benefit of learning about sex from porn is that it broaden my horizons far more than any conversation with parents could have. By 8th grade I knew about bondage and bestiality and bisexuality - things which would never have come up in conversation no matter how open-minded the parent. Perhaps an 8th grader is incapable of understanding those things, but it has done no lasting damage. Today I'm very open minded, and I think it comes from understanding early on that there is no such thing as "normal" and that everyone has some weird fetishes. Perhaps this exploration of variety was a function of how I got my porn, because Usenet is hierarchical by category or topic, but I would have eventually reached the same result even using the web and file sharing. For me, porn was not only a sexual stimulant, but also an intellectual quest for answers - and not only to questions of mechanics, but to greater questions about the definition of sex and the range of human interests. So in summary, I agree that sex ed through porn can be damaging, but I disagree that it is necessarily damaging. If your kid has enough intellectual curiosity and is intelligent enough to see the biases which make porn unrepresentative of reality, then it can be a fantastic education. --- Fox On the one hand, I agree - no one should ever have to learn the mechanics of sex from porn. Your points are good that porn is highly unrepresentative of real sex.

But on the other hand:

Everything I learned about the mechanics of sex, I learned from porn. Usenet was my sex education. When all my buddies were wondering how many holes there were, I knew. I used to look at pictures because I had no idea about things like the angle of the vagina, or the location of the clitoris. While porn was able to answer these types of basic questions, I was able to correct for many of the inherent non-representative qualities of porn by watching lots of it, and porn of different styles. People forget that there’s a huge variation in porn between the big block-buster equivalents made on hundred thousand dollar budgets and the webcam-in-the-parents-basement movies. So some porn is actually fairly representative.

The other major benefit of learning about sex from porn is that it broaden my horizons far more than any conversation with parents could have. By 8th grade I knew about bondage and bestiality and bisexuality - things which would never have come up in conversation no matter how open-minded the parent. Perhaps an 8th grader is incapable of understanding those things, but it has done no lasting damage. Today I’m very open minded, and I think it comes from understanding early on that there is no such thing as “normal” and that everyone has some weird fetishes.

Perhaps this exploration of variety was a function of how I got my porn, because Usenet is hierarchical by category or topic, but I would have eventually reached the same result even using the web and file sharing. For me, porn was not only a sexual stimulant, but also an intellectual quest for answers - and not only to questions of mechanics, but to greater questions about the definition of sex and the range of human interests.

So in summary, I agree that sex ed through porn can be damaging, but I disagree that it is necessarily damaging. If your kid has enough intellectual curiosity and is intelligent enough to see the biases which make porn unrepresentative of reality, then it can be a fantastic education.

—
Fox

]]> by: sam http://blog.blowfish.com/culture/all-i-really-need-to-know-i-learned-from-porn-or-not/452#comment-3795 Mon, 22 Oct 2007 05:43:14 +0000 http://blog.blowfish.com/culture/all-i-really-need-to-know-i-learned-from-porn-or-not/452#comment-3795 Everything I ever needed to know about sex I learned from Cosmo and magazines like it...and I'm a het male. The learning curve isn't all that difficult, but it IS hard to figure out where you're actually going to find useful info. Everything I ever needed to know about sex I learned from Cosmo and magazines like it…and I’m a het male.
The learning curve isn’t all that difficult, but it IS hard to figure out where you’re actually going to find useful info.

]]> by: Robert Madewell http://blog.blowfish.com/culture/all-i-really-need-to-know-i-learned-from-porn-or-not/452#comment-3779 Fri, 19 Oct 2007 15:22:39 +0000 http://blog.blowfish.com/culture/all-i-really-need-to-know-i-learned-from-porn-or-not/452#comment-3779 My father is an evangelical minister. He was so embarrassed about anything sexual that he never had "that talk" with me or my brothers. We had to "learn from the playground." His religion had him hating sexuality so much that he would get angry with us for asking anything. I was even spanked for asking what a tampon was after seeing the commercial on TV (I was 8 years old). He even ignored the fact that I was being sexually abused by a teenager from our church. Later in life, he seemed to have no idea why I was emotionally disturbed or why I was suffering from years of depression. Of course my father is a product of his time. I have been to many churches in my area and I have never heard a pastor tell parents to talk to their kids about sex. My fathers church was no exception. So the problems my father had with sex was because he too had bad (or no) sex education. My father is an evangelical minister. He was so embarrassed about anything sexual that he never had “that talk” with me or my brothers. We had to “learn from the playground.” His religion had him hating sexuality so much that he would get angry with us for asking anything. I was even spanked for asking what a tampon was after seeing the commercial on TV (I was 8 years old). He even ignored the fact that I was being sexually abused by a teenager from our church. Later in life, he seemed to have no idea why I was emotionally disturbed or why I was suffering from years of depression. Of course my father is a product of his time. I have been to many churches in my area and I have never heard a pastor tell parents to talk to their kids about sex. My fathers church was no exception. So the problems my father had with sex was because he too had bad (or no) sex education.

]]> by: Steve Caldwell http://blog.blowfish.com/culture/all-i-really-need-to-know-i-learned-from-porn-or-not/452#comment-3778 Fri, 19 Oct 2007 13:07:35 +0000 http://blog.blowfish.com/culture/all-i-really-need-to-know-i-learned-from-porn-or-not/452#comment-3778 Greta, Another option here for getting complete, accurate, and age-appropriate information to teens would be finding a nearby Unitarian Universalist or United Church of Christ congregation that is offering the Our Whole Lives program for grades 7-9 or grades 10-12. The 7-9 program (when offered in religious settings) has a slide presentation that visually depicts lovemaking for male-male, female-female, and male-female couples that is realistic. The 10-12 program provides similar information but also includes cultural/historical context information as well through a video. More information can be found online here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Our_Whole_Lives http://www.uua.org/religiouseducation/curricula/ourwhole/ Thanks. Greta,

Another option here for getting complete, accurate, and age-appropriate information to teens would be finding a nearby Unitarian Universalist or United Church of Christ congregation that is offering the Our Whole Lives program for grades 7-9 or grades 10-12.

The 7-9 program (when offered in religious settings) has a slide presentation that visually depicts lovemaking for male-male, female-female, and male-female couples that is realistic. The 10-12 program provides similar information but also includes cultural/historical context information as well through a video.

More information can be found online here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Our_Whole_Lives

http://www.uua.org/religiouseducation/curricula/ourwhole/

Thanks.

]]> by: Jono http://blog.blowfish.com/culture/all-i-really-need-to-know-i-learned-from-porn-or-not/452#comment-3774 Fri, 19 Oct 2007 06:19:00 +0000 http://blog.blowfish.com/culture/all-i-really-need-to-know-i-learned-from-porn-or-not/452#comment-3774 I remember one of the very first sex talks I had with my dad (never had any with my mom) was right after he let me and my brother know that he could easily see the kinds of websites we were visiting. It was a brutally short conversation, the central point of which was "Just know that what you see on the internet isn't what it's really like." This left me only slightly more confused/unaware/uninformed than I was prior, but it was good advice nonetheless. I remember one of the very first sex talks I had with my dad (never had any with my mom) was right after he let me and my brother know that he could easily see the kinds of websites we were visiting. It was a brutally short conversation, the central point of which was “Just know that what you see on the internet isn’t what it’s really like.”

This left me only slightly more confused/unaware/uninformed than I was prior, but it was good advice nonetheless.

]]> by: latexninja http://blog.blowfish.com/culture/all-i-really-need-to-know-i-learned-from-porn-or-not/452#comment-3771 Thu, 18 Oct 2007 21:25:13 +0000 http://blog.blowfish.com/culture/all-i-really-need-to-know-i-learned-from-porn-or-not/452#comment-3771 I am deffinitely in that group. A big part of the problem was that since my parents were uncomfortable about it, I think I picked up that same feeling and would not discuss it with them. We kind of left it. I remember when I was younger being confused about exactly how many holes there were in a woman's pelvis. Our culture has a pathological problem with sex, and a lot of this stems from our own puritanical roots and could even be extended to coming from catholicism. Many of the catholic faith feel that sex is intrinsically sinful(it's not, and I can make a damn good bible argument against the point, too), and sex purely for pleasure is not permissible. It's insanity that our culture is still so negative over sex, yet (with the exception of a small number) there is not a single human being on this planet who is not the result of sex. I had to fend for myself, and hunt down what I could and learn what I could. I'm still a virgin, and I'm still learning, even at the age of 26. Once or twice they would find out about my research, and react very negatively. The whole thing ended up being very traumatic and to this day we don't discuss it. I am
deffinitely in that group. A big part of the problem was that since
my parents were uncomfortable about it, I think I picked up that same
feeling and would not discuss it with them. We kind of left it. I
remember when I was younger being confused about exactly how many
holes there were in a woman’s pelvis.

Our culture has a pathological problem with sex, and a lot of this
stems from our own puritanical roots and could even be extended to
coming from catholicism. Many of the catholic faith feel that sex is
intrinsically sinful(it’s not, and I can make a damn good bible
argument against the point, too), and sex purely for pleasure is not
permissible. It’s insanity that our culture is still so negative over
sex, yet (with the exception of a small number) there is not a single
human being on this planet who is not the result of sex.

I had to fend for myself, and hunt down what I could and learn what I
could. I’m still a virgin, and I’m still learning, even at the age of
26. Once or twice they would find out about my research, and react
very negatively. The whole thing ended up being very traumatic and to
this day we don’t discuss it.

]]>