The Blowfish Blog

[Caught in the Net] The Year That Was

When Blowfish’s benevolent ruler asked me to do a year-in-review column, “defined however amuses you,” I considered many different options. I thought about revisiting •the best and strangest places I’d visited online, but I hate to play favorites (and, alas, porny links have a tendency to wither and die and throw 404 errors after a while anyway). Then I got to thinking about the calendar, and about holidays (having just emerged from a slew of holidays, with New Year’s — in many ways my favorite — still to come), and remembered all the odd and wonderful sex-related holidays I’d chronicled, and the ones I never got around to chronicling, and decided to look back at a year full of very special days. Plus, since •most of these are annual holidays, this will serve to get you excited about next year, too!

January starts a bit slow, since it takes a while to get over that New Year’s hangover I guess — but in Japan there is a scantily-clad New Year’s ritual.

In February we’ve got Horny Werewolf Day (as Warren Ellis suggests calling Valentine’s Day, to remind people of the holiday’s wolfy pagan roots) on the 14th.

March 14 is Steak and Blowjob Day, a sort of flowers-and-chocolates-free Valentine’s Day analogue for men (and, of all the fringe holidays listed here, the one I’d most like to see attain vast popularity). Before that, we’ve got International Threesome Observance Day on March 3rd (3/3, of course).

April 14 has Cake and Cunnilingus Day, a more carnal counterpart to Valentine’s Day (and a clear reaction to Steak and Blowjob Day). AKA Muffins and Muff Diving Day, Pudding and Pussy Licking Day, and Candy and Clit Licking Day. And, though the exact day varies, April also features The Festival of the Steel Phallus.

May is National Masturbation Month, noted for the Masturbate-a-Thon, in which people all over the world come together in order to, ah, come together. And the first Friday in May is No Pants Day, in which people the world over come together in the not wearing of pants.

June appears a bit bereft of sexual holidays (do correct me if I’m wrong), but July has National Orgasm Day in the UK and August 8 is International Orgasm Day (the more venerable of the two orgasm days). Summer is for orgasm, apparently, so beat your meat to beat the heat.

September is also a bit light on the non-traditional holidays (perhaps, in honor of all the Back to School sales, there could be some kind of National Schoolgirl Roleplaying Day?). October doesn’t need any help, as it has Halloween, and the wonderful parallel holiday, “Slutty Halloween” (google that phrase for lots of panicky articles about the sexualization of the holiday, and also pictures of girls in slutty costumes, starting with this exhaustive list of the same.)

November 23 features Fuck Like a Pirate Day, infinitely superior to the better known Talk Like a Pirate Day. It’s all about rum and plundering booty, as it were.

And finally December, which, apart from assorted Christmas porn, also boasts Global Orgasm Day on the 21st (some years the 22nd), in honor of the solstice. And, also, in honor of getting off.

So there you have it. Start marking your calendars. This list isn’t intended to be complete, and notes about additional holidays are welcomed in the comments. Here’s hoping 2009 is the best year ever for all of us.

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, 31 December 2008 at 10:31 am and is filed under Caught in the Net. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.