The Blowfish Blog

Caught in the Net: Supernaturally Sexy

Happy Hallowe’en! This week’s column honors the one holiday of the year dedicated to fear, darkness, the undead, creepy-crawly things, and illuminated pumpkins. (Oh, and hot women in skimpy costumes. Sure, such things are a far cry from ancient harvest celebrations and beware-of-encroaching-spirits festivals, but that’s modern life.)

I’ve linked to the Sexy Witch blog before, but there’s new content regularly, and a couple of especially seasonal entries: “New Sexy Witch Costumes, 2007″ and a follow-up with even more costumes. From Pixie witches to Pumpkin witches to Punk Rock witches to Hipster witches to Spider witches to, yum, Sexy Lace-Up witches. Which witch is which? Who cares, as long as the lady in the costume has plenty of treats?

Not all creatures of the night are so attractive, but even the more disgusting denizens of the twilight world need love. Thus, The Zombie Sex Guide. It’s an illustrated lists of do’s and don’ts, noting the particular challenges that walking corpses face when trying to hook up: incurable crotch rot, appendages that fall off without warning, etc. On the plus side, masochism is a breeze since whip strikes no longer hurt much, love bites are nourishing (since you can literally bite off hunks of your partner), and extreme sex acts no longer seem all that taboo, since you’re already necrophilia walking. Remember, the brain is the most powerful sex organ of them all, which might explain why zombies like to eat them.

Now, I’ve personally never understood how vampires became so sexy — they are, let’s face it, basically cousins to zombies, being dead things that like blood as opposed to dead things that like brains. But, hey, I’m as susceptible to the charms of a pale black-haired girl in a corset as anybody, so I happily point you to the sexy vampires group on Flickr. Fangs and blood and cleavage, oh my!

There’s nothing scarier, though . . . than strippers! A couple of dancers from famous New York strip club Scores volunteered to help out at a Halloween carnival in Park Slope, but they got uninvited for fear of outraging local parents. Granted, the dancers let local newspapers know they were volunteering in an attempt to make themselves seem charitable and community-minded, so it’s not like they were completely selfless volunteers — if not for the ensuing publicity, they would’ve been allowed to pass out candy in peace. Still, it’s a shame. Then again, they weren’t even planning to dress in skimpy/slutty costumes, which would have been a crushing disappointment to all the twelve-year-old-boys in attendance.

Until next week, don’t eat too much candy, and watch out for tricks.

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, 31 October 2007 at 12:00 am and is filed under Caught in the Net. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.