[Caught in the Net] Monsterotica
I’m a fan of monster movies and things that go bump in the night, generally speaking, so I got to thinking about things that go bump in the night actually bumping nasties in the night, and, lo, discovered much fantasy and monster-licious porn.
I’ll spare you the vampire stuff, mostly — there’s so much vampire porn out there that it deserves its own column, and I’ll get to that sometime — but I can’t help but point you toward Twilight of Virginity, the porn movie spoof of Twilight, the movie about sparkly vampires and the abstinence-loving girls who love them, based on Stephenie Meyer’s insanely bestselling book. According to USA Today, Meyer’s books accounted for 16% of all book sales in 2008, and her fans are so devoted they’ve been known to physically assault people who insult the woman’s work, so it’s a cultural force to be reckoned with. The transformation into porn was inevitable, but given the themes of the series, it’s also very funny
You can get “Vampire Gloves,” leather gloves with tiny prickly metal points on the fingers, for sensation play, though vampires aren’t known for their spiky hands, particularly . . . still, I guess “porcupine gloves” lacked sex appeal.
Vampires are well known for their sexiness (for some reason — I prefer my vampires of the old-school Nosferatu variety, stinking corpses who eat blood and kill people, not suave seducers, but that’s just me), but what about other monsters? Like, say, zombies? Don’t they deserve some love too? Sure, there’s the comedy-horror movie Zombie Strippers, but what if you need hardcore zombie porn? Look no further than Porn of the Dead by director Rob Rotten. Now, I haven’t seen the film, but there’s a collection of still images here, and it appears to deliver on its promise — blood-smeared corpses eating intestines and having sex! Truly, we live in an age of wonders.
Vamps, zombies, and — of course — werewolves; the monster trifecta. Consider this collection of Queer Werewolf stories, including werewolf rape torture porn, werewolf porn with bestiality (well, duh), and other such variations. The page does lament that “No classic werewolf stories” of the queer persuasion “have been found as of yet,” and you know, even as a devoted longtime reader of fantastic fiction, I’m having a hard time thinking of canonical gay werewolf fiction. Methinks a niche needs to be filled . . .
Oh, I almost forgot mummies. Actual porn about dead guys in pyramids having sex is in short supply, though in my travels I did find this awesome blog post featuring Pony Girls of Ancient Egypt, which shows those pharaohs knew how to have fun. More to the point, there’s of course a lot of modern mummy porn out there — here’s an extensive page on mummification bondage, so if you do have a thing for screwing dead guys wrapped in bandages, you can at least simulate the experience at home!
I was very disappointed that I couldn’t find any King Kong/Godzilla slash-fic or fan art — surely there must be something, somewhere depicting the giant radioactive lizard and the savage ape god making sweet love on monster island? Has Rule 34 (”If it exists, there is porn of it”) actually let me down, or is my google-fu simply not up to the task
This entry was posted on Wednesday, 15 April 2009 at 10:58 am and is filed under Caught in the Net. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
on Wednesday, 15 April 2009 at 2:42 pm John Evans wrote:
What, no mention of Left 4 Head?
on Wednesday, 22 April 2009 at 4:28 pm Kris wrote:
Another name for it is horrotica.