The Blowfish Blog

Caught in the Net: CockTech

I know I write a lot here about the sexy, sexy collisions of sex and science, but I can’t help it — this is a column about sex stuff on the internet, and the internet is obsessed with technology for the same reason Hollywood keeps making movies about life in Hollywood: the joy of obsessive self-regard. Now that my elaborate justifications are out of the way, let’s talk tech:

First, news about the fleshlight, that humble male masturbation sleeve. No, it hasn’t been fully automated or converted into a hands-free device — not to disappoint those of you who keep asking — but it has been modified to act as a mouse for your computer. Yes, that’s right, with the correct equipment, you too can move your pointer by . . . well . . . moving your pointer. The repurposed fleshlight is specifically designed for playing kind of a lame-looking video game where your CGI avatar tries to seduce a nurse. (”If you thought the controls for the Nintendo Wii were intuitive, wait until you try the Nintendo Wee-Wee!”) There are hints the fleshlight-as-mouse controls might go open-source, which means all kinds of hacks could be coming in the future. Imagine being able to pay your bills online . . . with your cock! Or being able to play World of Warcraft . . . with your cock! Or being able to read Caught in the Net . . . etc.! (I could keep going, but you get the gist.)

The Large Hadron Collider being built at CERN in Switzerland will be the world’s largest particle accelerator, and the device itself is practically porn for a particular kind of science nut. But the name of the machine lends itself to a particularly hilarious typo, dubbed “the world’s funniest malapropism” by the creators of Large Hard-on Collider.com. Yes, many a reporter has accidentally mistyped and created a headline that seems to imply there are oversized atom-smashing penises in our future. The site above collects incidents of this hilarious misuse, which is fine, but the genius comes in the crude hand-drawn sketch of the hard-on, the unknown particles it produces, and the “black hole” it’s plunging toward . . .

But, lest you think our glorious future is all cock-based technology, here’s a little something featuring the softer side of metal: hot models cuddling with, and even making out with, robots, from the March ‘08 issue of Marie Claire Italy. Though perhaps better as an idea than in the actual execution, there are still some lovely images here.

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, 16 April 2008 at 12:00 pm and is filed under Caught in the Net. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.