The Blowfish Blog

Caught in the Net: Box Orifice

Here we are in January, the Sargasso Sea of the Hollywood machine. The early part of the year is where Hollywood tends to dump its dogs, its dregs, and its weird little experiments, and there are usually precious few movies worth seeing in theaters. What better time, then, to look to the past for cinematic gold?

Mr. Skin, an indispensable porn site for the combination of sex and movies, compiled a list of The Top 20 Movie Nude Scenes of 2007, sure to make you wish you’d spent a little more time in the theater. Marisa Tomei’s boobs and butt in Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead, topless Keeley Hazell frozen in time in Cashback, the bare bottom of Natalie Portman in short film Hotel Chevalier, Christina Ricci’s malnourished bosoms in Black Snake Moan, and more. Specifically, 16 more. (There are links to pictures . . . but only if you’re a member of the site. Still, a little googling should take care of you otherwise.)

Want to reach back farther in time? Nerve.com can help, with their Hollywood Sex Scene Database! They’ve got video clips and lots of wonderful lists. At the moment, the main page features the Top Five Awkward Sex Scenes, which is sure to make you squirm for all the wrong reasons. Past features include The 50 Greatest Sex Scenes in Cinema, The Top Five Voyeuristic Sex Scenes, and . . . The Top Five Sex Scenes Featuring James Spader? Huh. Now that they mention it, he has been in some weirdly sexy stuff . . .

Of course, there’s always TV, though outside of premium cable, really sexual stuff is tough to come by. (You can see a surprising number of male asses on basic cable, but otherwise . . .) Fortunately, you can find ample porn on FOX News! Don’t believe me? Check out FOX News Porn for the skinny on how our favorite fair and balanced news network uses sex to distract viewers from things they should be outraged about. (Or, if you’re feeling apolitical, just look at the pictures of boobies.)

Finally, a look at a film from even farther back: Bernardo Bertolucci’s Novecento from 1977. Why are we interested in an epic historical film that’s more than 30 years old? Because it features both Gerard Depardieu and Robert De Niro in full-frontal nudity, in the same scene . . . and not only that, they’re getting a simultaneous two-fisted handjob from a hooker. OMG Blog has all the details, with video and pictures. It will either haunt your dreams or inspire new dreams, depending on your personal predilections.

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, 23 January 2008 at 12:00 am and is filed under Caught in the Net. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.