Saturday, 3 May 2008
| 12:00 pm
| Videos
Dana DeArmond helps a few of her MySpace fans make the leap from watching porn to performing in porn, with Dana as their mentor, helping prepare them for their first onscreen fucks. After an intro acquainting us with the performers, who are young and pierced and/or tattooed and/or with straight-cut bangs — you know, the typical Vivid Alt types — we get to see Dana’s coaching. After ten or twelve minutes of chat (and Dana complaining bitterly about a would-be performer who dropped out at the last minute), we get the first sex scene . . . after which we get a lot more talking-head stuff in between the sex scenes. Some of it is interesting, but the fucking-on-camera density of this film is actually fairly low.
Casper Vice has the best name of the lot . . . but judging from the razor bumps, I’d guess this wasn’t only her first time shagging on camera, but possibly her first time fully shaving her pubes — it doesn’t look comfortable. With her knee socks pulled up to mid-thigh, her septum and forehead piercing, and her tattoos, she could be a poster girl for the Vivid Alt aesthetic, though. After a bad experience with a boyfriend, she has a morbid aversion to getting come on her face, which could maybe limit her career prospects.
The hottest scene is the first one, with adorable cutie Rory Tonic in a three-way with Sascha and Alec Knight. I hope Rory keeps up her new career, because I’d love to see her again, preferably getting the double-penetration that I kept waiting for, in vain, during this scene. Dana initiates her lone male discovery Johnny Utah, which makes me think he by far got the best of this deal. He’s no match for her — one rather gets the impression that she eats guys like him for breakfast, figuratively speaking — but it’s a good scene, especially when Daniel joins in to make it a three-way, and bangs her ass while she chokes on Johnny’s cock. All Johnny really has to do at any point is sit there looking stoned, and that’s within his capabilities. Having Dana burning up the screen does rather point out how inexperienced the other performers are, though.
A few random observations: Dana DeArmond sure does like licking jizz off the faces of her proteges — she does it at least twice. She also claims that she’s the next Jesus (joking, of course — she’s no Sun Myung Moon — but it does properly reflect her endearing megalomania). There’s a whole lot of talking in this movie; probably about a third of the running time is spent on interviews with the newbies. There’s a whole disc of extras, too, including Dana’s video blog entries, and there’s also a CD of indie rock, mostly by OK Fox, with a few other bands tossed in for variety. It’s a pretty good package, if a bit talky, and the emphasis on fresh faces is appreciated — at least it’s new.
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Thursday, 24 April 2008
| 12:00 pm
| Videos
The makers of Corruption, one of my favorite porn films of recent years, have worked their magic again, this time with Upload — a movie that manages to combine my love for science fiction with my love for really nasty hardcore enthusiastic sex. There are a dozen sex scenes, a plot that’s worth watching, some really clever ideas, and a million special features. Forget replay value; it’ll take you hours just to watch this thing once, and if you’re like me, you won’t even be tempted to fast-forward to the sexy bits. The production values are staggeringly good, and if the science fiction ideas are kind of old and familiar to a jaded SF reader like me, well, they’re no more behind the curve than mainstream science fiction epics, and a hell of a lot more fun. The plot involves Eva Angelina as a rogue agent with the future Digital Security Agency, a sub-section of the Department of Homeland Security devoted to policing “sims”: basically cartridges that people can slot into their necks, which permit them to experience fully immersive virtual-reality simulations. (If such technology ever actually exists, of course it’ll be used first and foremost for porn. Porn is always at the cutting edge of entertainment technology. •William Gibson’s famous adage about the unpredictability of technological applications goes “The street finds its own uses for things,” and quite often, that use involves sex.) Quite often, of course, those are hardcore porn. There’s some cat-and-mouse stuff involving Hillary Scott as a fugitive, and some cop drama stuff involving Eva and her ostensibly straight-arrow partner Derrick Pierce, and the genuinely engaging story only serves to make the incredibly hardcore sex that much more satisfying. How hardcore? Here are just a few of the sex acts you’ll see this huge cast take part in: five-guy-on-one-girl gangbangs; double penetration; double anal; cum-swapping; pissing; real BDSM; fisting; slapping; choking . . . I could go on. Gonzo fucking with a glossy sensibility and a good story: it’s like porn utopia!
Then there are the extras. There are two disc’s worth. (That’s on top of two discs just for the film itself, which runs over four hours.) There are extensive behind-the-scenes extras, and they convey just how seriously Eli Cross took this production, and how very much he demanded from his actors. His work ethic seriously paid off. This is the best movie I’ve seen . . . since the last Eli Cross movie I saw. (My understanding is that the regular version — the non-Director’s Cut — is about a quarter of an hour shorter and lacks some of the peeing, fisting, and more hardcore bondage, but is otherwise pretty much the same.)
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Wednesday, 23 April 2008
| 12:00 pm
| Videos
So, I just watched Broken, starring Sasha Grey, directed by Dave Navarro, with a script — and it really is a script — by Navarro and Sancho. The phrase that comes to mind is, “This is fucked up, right here.” There’s some incredibly over-the-top weirdness at play. For instance: Sasha Grey takes a cumshot in her mouth, then goes into a bathroom, spits the come into a spoon, cooks it, fills a syringe with it, and injects it into her arm (offscreen, but we see her tie off her arm with a rubber cord, so it’s not really left to the imagination). During Sasha’s intense scene with Mark Davis, there are Italian subtitles . . . for no obvious reason. The next sex scene has Jenna Haze and Tommy Gunn in a hackneyed porn set-up: he’s the pizza guy, she’s the girl who wants to pay for pizza with poontang. But most of the non-sex action is on fast-forward, with sped-up voices, and soon we discover this is just one scene of many being shot on a porn movie set. (Yeah, it’s all pretty meta.)
Pretty soon we’re dipping in and out of those other scenes, and it’s like watching a porno that’s come unstuck in time. It’s some seriously non-linear narrative . . . except it’s not particularly narrative, being mostly just fucking. 45 minutes of fucking! Eventually performers amble over into one another’s scenes, and they’re not just breaking the fourth wall — it’s like they’re breaking the floors and the ceiling, too. Ultimately it’s an orgy, sort of, with wandering cameramen and sound guys occasionally appearing, going about their business. It’s hot . . . and hard to follow . . . and sometimes a little annoying. But it’s not boring, lazy, or ordinary. You get more fast-forward moments, random intervals of black-and-white and even photo-negative shots, and a pervasive sense of strangeness. It’s awesome and exhausting.
The next scene is kind of relaxing, by contrast — Audrey Biton and Marco get together backstage, fucking on and around a director’s chair, and there are some very spankable moments. The weirdest thing here is Audrey licking some come off a mirror, and really, in this flick, that hardly rates a mention.
Finally we get Sasha coming home to Mark Davis, ambushing him with a shotgun (no subtitles this time!), making him kneel, strip, put a condom on the gun, and bend over. What happens next is . . . well, I’d honestly hate to give it away. Let’s just say the meta-qualities of the film continue, and the ending is both shocking and completely justified by what came before. (And also, just maybe, transforms those Italian subtitles from a bit of pointless weirdness into a hint.) This is an ambitious movie, though I couldn’t tell you whether or not it entirely succeeds . . . that would require me knowing what the creators were trying to accomplish! An argument for the dehumanizing power of porn? A cautionary tale about the kind of broken personalities that sometimes gravitate toward the adult film business? A simple character study of a rather disturbed mind in an often-disturbing business? A case could be made for all those, and more. Regardless of what it means, it’s worth watching.
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Thursday, 17 April 2008
| 3:42 am
| Videos
There’s a long story behind the genesis of Debbie Loves Dallas, the brainchild of director and Vivid Alt head Eon McKai . . . but I won’t rehash it here. Do some googling if you’re curious. Basically, this is McKai’s low-budget (but majorly stylish) response to other — in his opinion inferior — remakes of the classic porno Debbie Does Dallas. This is no cheerleader fuck fantasy, though there are nods to the original; the “Dallas” in this case is a band fronted by the charismatic Punky (Alex Gonz), and Debbie (Cassidey) is his number one fan, whose only ambition in life is to fuck the indie rock star. The film follows Cassidey and her fellow groupies (notably Charlotte Stokeley, one of my favorite alt-porn stalwarts) in their quest to meet and screw the members of the band. Along the way there are disappointed junkie boyfriends, opportunistic drug dealers, deceitful roadies, assorted scams, and various sexual misadventures. It’s an artsy film in many ways — lots of filters, odd camera angles, and deliberately strange stylistic choices, including hand-drawn “exterior shots” of buildings, plus occasional moments of editorial commentary in the form of text onscreen. The effects are sometimes distracting, but they’re just as often amusing, so call it a draw.
Some of the scenes are quite hot, especially Charlotte Stokeley’s blowjob with Alex Gonz (she finagles a meeting by pretending to be a reporter), though it’s a shame the plot interrupts them before the scene can go farther. There’s a rough and nasty all-girl three-way (I suppose that’s what horny groupies do when they can’t reach the objects of their affections? They take whatever solace they can in one another?), and the original Debbie Loves Dallas is playing on a TV in the background, which is just one of the many cute touches McKai includes. Pixie Pearl isn’t particularly pixieish, having some pleasantly generous curves, but the tattoo of wings on her back are suitably fey. Her scene with James Deen is good, too, and there’s a nice moment when she “fantasizes” about fucking Alex Gonz instead, and we get to see her inner life acted out on screen. Justin Snyder abuses his position as a security guard for the band by promising Charlotte and Cassidey that he’ll introduce one of them to the lead singer — whichever one of them sucks cock the best. The girls get on their knees in the spirit of friendly competition, and a good-old-fashioned suck-off follows. They perform admirably, but though he comes, he doesn’t come through, and the ladies have to try various other stratagems to achieve their goal. Naturally, Cassidey succeeds, catching Alex’s eye and going back to his hotel room after the show. It’s a satisfying final scene, if not quite hot enough to justify all that build up There are zillions of extras, from a PDF of the script to a CD soundtrack, and overall it’s a fun little package.
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Thursday, 17 April 2008
| 3:41 am
| Videos
PornoMation is CGI cartoon sci-fi smut, circa 2004! (I know, we’re a little behind the times, but I review the stuff when I get it. I will say that the footage suffers a bit from being on the old side — if you’ve played any next-generation video games, the cut scenes mostly look better than these shorts do.) The advantage of animation over live-action porn has always been that you can show stuff that’s more extreme than reality, including straight-up anatomical impossibilities. (See, for instance, any of the zillion tentacle porn titles available in Japan.) There’s some of that here, and it’s fairly entertaining, and weird, if not especially hot — unless your kink involves alien sex slaves with impossibly long dongs, alien sex gladiators with penises that have mouths, chicks fucking sex robots, etc. The meat of this disc consists of various short films, all with a science-fictional or fantasy edge, some with a fairly realistic CGI style, some a bit more surreal or stylized. There are penises that turn into volcanoes, UFO abductees encountering the expected sorts of probes, soldiers shagging Valkyries, sentient dildos (or are they penis-shaped aliens?). After the short films, which last about 20 minutes all together, we get a rather badly done segment that consists of scenes of illustrations, with mermaid sex, dragon sex, winged penises, conceptual sketches from the films we just saw, women riding horses inappropriately, women being pleasured by minotaurs, fairy fucking, angel fucking, demon fucking, skeleton fucking (insert “boner” joke), etc. It’s rather rapid-fire and of wildly uneven quality, and would have been a lot better as a photo gallery that the viewer could progress through at will, so we could linger on the good ones and shoot quickly past the lousy ones. I like erotic fantasy art, actually, and I’ve seen worse . . . but I’ve also seen better, and without the novelty of animation, it seemed a bit pointless. Finally, we get a behind-the-scenes feature, basically, in the form of creators Sagemonn and Karynna explaining to a visiting CGI alien what their artwork entails. It’s fairly interesting. The novelty value makes this worth a look, even if it’s not entirely, hmm, “spankable” is the word I want, I suppose.
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Thursday, 10 April 2008
| 12:16 pm
| Videos
An old adage says the quickest way to a man’s heart is through his penis, but let’s be serious here — the quickest way to a man’s heart is by sucking his cock. Want to learn how to better perform blowjobs? Then you should quickly acquire Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Oral Sex Part Two: Fellatio. It’s educational, full of great practical advice, and some of the demonstration scenes are quite hot. While all the couples depicted are boy-girl, the techniques could also be useful for gay men looking to improve their skills. Like all Tristan’s educational flicks in this series, it begins with about twenty minutes of workshop-style discussion, with Tristan pointing at charts and talking to a group of ordinary women. Granted, Roxy DeVille and Christian (two of my favorite performers in all porndom) come in to demonstrate some of the things Tristan talks about, which isn’t something you’re likely to find in an ordinary sex-ed class. Amusingly, Christian is posed naked, with an erection, and becomes a living anatomical diagram, with onscreen text and arrows pointing out his glans, corona, scrotal sack, and etc. There’s frank and useful information, and you get hilariously straightforward lines like “The testicles, also known as the ‘balls,’” plus honest commentary about, say, the fact that eating certain foods makes your semen taste horrid.
After that, it’s off to the demonstrations. Kaiya Lynn and Alec Knight talk a little about their personal relationship with blowjobs, then do a demonstration in a bedroom. Pretty basic, but also pretty hot. Next Lindsey Meadows and Marco Leon do the sensitive, communicative, tender couple thing, with lots of checking in with one another and slow exploration. Finally, Adrianna Nicole and Alec Knight do the truly advanced class, with deep-throating techniques, positions that may be beyond the powers of ordinary mortals (like sucking cock while doing a handstand! Well, not exactly that, but pretty close). Tristan’s voiceover chimes in throughout, pointing out salient details, but if you just want to groove on the oral excitement, you can watch the scenes sans-voiceover. There are better films if you just want a smutty blowjob flick, though; this really does work best as an educational film. So, if you have a cock, sit down with your loved one and watch this, and if you have a loved one with a cock, sit him down and watch this, and don’t be afraid to try out what you see on screen (at least until you get to the handstand blowjob bits; maybe you should be a little scared then, depending on your general fitness and level of flexibility). It’ll definitely be more fun, and make a more memorable evening, than sitting around watching old episodes of Friends on the Tivo.
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Thursday, 10 April 2008
| 12:16 pm
| Videos
Ah, the classics of film: On The Waterfront, Gone with the Wind, The Godfather, The Very Best of Desireé Cousteau — oh, wait, that’s a different kind of classic. Or, rather, a compilation of classic moments featuring sweet-faced Southern belle Deborah Clearbranch, better known by her nom de porn Desireé Cousteau (for some reason, the box copy for this film takes away the accent on her last e). She was hot stuff in her prime, during the ’70s and early ’80s, nabbing a Best Actress award in 1978, and this film puts together some of her better scenes. (These days she’s a child psychologist back home in Savannah, according to Wikipedia — you couldn’t make this stuff up.)
In the first scene, from Getting Off, Desireé plays a sex slave in service to a brutal female dom who collars and whips her — though, this being vintage porn, it’s pretty sad fake whipping. She gets chained up by her wrists and ankles and presented to a man with glasses, who’s also smoking a pipe and wearing a leather hat. Ah, the good old days. Best line, from the lady dom: “It’s a matter of training, like a dog.” I could do without the “reaction shots” from all the creepy dolls around the room, but that aside, it’s a good scene.
The next, with fellow legends John Holmes and Seka, has some painfully bad dialogue but some surprisingly hot action, though between Holmes’s beard and everyone’s ample pubic hair, there’s more fur in this one scene than in the last dozen pornos I’ve watched combined . . . The scene from That’s Erotic has Desireé in an orgy on and around a leather couch (well, maybe it’s Naugahyde), with some rough positions, including a piledriver — those gonzo kids today think they invented this stuff! There are several scenes from the amusingly named Pizza Girls, where she plays “Anne Chovy” (good to know porn humor hasn’t changed). She has a rather invasive job interview, and later eats a slice of pizza while someone eats her out — her stream of inane chatter during the latter is pretty funny. In Deep Rub she’s a would-be massage therapist who learns the art of the happy ending from Paul Thomas (back when he was an actor, not an occasionally-pretentious director) and has some strap-on sex. Summer Heat features sex on a speedboat (and in a swimming hole) action, plus masturbation in the woods. I wonder who got to check Desireé for ticks after that? Lucky bastard.
This is a great sampler of scenes from a onetime superstar who is, sadly, not as well-remembered as some of her contemporaries. Pick up a copy so her legend will live on in your heart (and your pants).
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We are simply bursting with pride that two of our very own releases won awards at the 2008 Feminist Porn Awards! In particular, The Crash Pad Series, Volume 1 won Hottest Dyke Film, and Bondage Boob Tube won Hottest Kink Film! Congratulations to Shine Louise Houston and Madison Young, the respective directors!
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Thursday, 3 April 2008
| 10:10 pm
| Videos
Consider me charmed. Combine my love for oddball porn, low-budget horror movies, the scenery-chewing antics of Evan Stone, and the sexiness of Madison Young, and Jesse Jane: Scream is right up my alley.
It’s a good film from the first scene, when Evan Stone’s car breaks down, forcing him to investigate a nearby house. The “abandoned” house is really too clean and neat — they should have sprung for some fake spiderwebs or something — but once Evan starts fucking Jesse Jane (who has an atrocious fake Southern accent), I paid less attention to the scenery. (I think Jesse was supposed to be a roller-skating ghost, which is so odd it borders on genius.) The second scene is pretty audacious — Marco Banderas is a serial killer, and Faith Leon is his dead victim in the bathtub. Marco is over-the-top creepy, rubbing her hair on his cock and furiously licking one of her earrings . . . and then she comes to life, and fucks him. Zombie sex? Well, no, more like crazed lunatic necrophile sex fantasy, but I’ll be damned if it isn’t a hot scene, with a great blowjob. There’s another clever/creepy scene, with Samantha Ryan doing the “Single White Female” thing as a roommate obsessed with Jesse, right down to dressing like her and styling her hair the same way. When Jesse’s boyfriend shows up, Samantha kidnaps him, trusses him up in gimp-wear, and stashes him in the bathtub so she can have Jesse all to herself. (The sex, alas, is pretty standard, but the set-up deserves props.)
All the other scenes follow a very familiar teen horror template: guys try to trick sexy girls into thinking something scary and supernatural is going on, as a means to fucking them. Apparently, it works! It works especially well for Jerry, who rattles a couple of doors and spooks Madison Young and Rebeca Linares into having a three-way with him, complete with anal all around. That’s really the standout scene of the film. Micah Moore, a lean and tiny brunette, is tormented with a cursed ball (yes, indeed, a rubber ball that seems to chase her around the house), but the architect of her torment is actually her boyfriend (played by Marco Banderas, in a role apparently separate from his crazed serial killer shtick), and she’s so relieved she drops trou and screws him. Finally, Shay Jordan and Jesse take one of the classic “stay overnight in a haunted house” bets, and fortunately, Tommy Gunn is there to help them pass what would have otherwise been a boring and ghost-free night.
This film has no shortage of short-shorts and scantily-clad women making bad decisions, hallmarks of horror and porn both. It’s not perfect — some of the scenes are merely okay, and they don’t do as much with the horror-movie premise as they could — but it’s hot, odd, and different. Don’t be scared. Check it out.
Also by Madison Young, from Blowfish!
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Thursday, 3 April 2008
| 10:09 pm
| Videos
There came a point, living in (well, near) San Francisco and running in some circles that were way cooler than I had any right to be in, that I realized something: some of the hottest men I know used to be women. Or were born men (aka “bioguy”), and were gay. Then a gay male friend of mine hooked up with an FTM (female-to-male transsexual) friend of mine and I near about exploded from imagining how freakin’ hot that must’ve been.
I tell you this to explain why Cubbyholes: Trans Men In Action might just be one of the hottest DVDs around. Set in a San Francisco safer-sex bathhouse, it features FTM transsexuals and gay bioguys hooking up with one another (and FTMs hooking up with other FTMs) in some of the steamiest bathhouse scenes around. Cubbyholes is an amateur production that fills a great up-and-coming niche in the porn industry and allows a true glimpse into the way men fuck, no matter what kind of equipment they’re sporting (there’s all sorts of penises here, from the kind bioguys are born with to the strap-on variety). There is a slightly awkward, but very playful, realness about it that distinguishes it from the mainstream and make it damn near adorable (adorable in a manly, furry bear way, of course). Although production values could be higher and at least one of our reviewers thought that the sex could be a little rougher, we found that the tentative and respectful nature of these performances makes this movie very accessible to those new to the world of transsex, and the realism made it that much hotter. Kudos to Trannywood Pictures for putting this one on; we look forward to future releases from this company. Standout performances include some tasty cock sucking by CJ Cockburn, and a very thick strap-on fuck given by Dex Hardlove to Ian Sparks’ hairy bear butt. Mmm! Includes a little pamphlet on safer sex for transguys. Hot boy-on-boi action is something we just haven’t seen enough of, and Cubbyholes gets us well on our way to filling that yummy little hole in our lives.
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