The Blowfish Blog

Couple’s Couch: Why Fisting?

The first time someone told me their partner inserted his entire fist into her pussy, I did not believe her. Not only did the notion strike me as nearly impossible, I could not figure out why in the name of all things holy she would desire such a thing. I looked down at my own hands, turning them slowly in the light to grasp the full magnitude of what fisting would feel like. I then pushed the idea far from my mind.

It wasn’t until years later that I came face to face (or rather pussy to fist) with fisting again. The difference this go-around was that I was naked, turned-on, and my lover practically begged me to try. How could I turn that down?

I believe “fisting” to be a misnomer. While the goal of the activity is indeed to put one’s entire hand inside someone’s genital cavity, the hand in question generally does not assume the position of a rounded fist until the very last stage of insertion.

When I’d imagine this activity in the past, I saw a cannonball-shaped bludgeon with flat, blunt-sided knuckles coming at my pink bits. Talk about frightening for the uninitiated! I have never given birth and frankly, had no desire to replicate the sensation via sex, thank you very much.

Fisting with a lover, however, is quite different from the pound-pound-pound I’d anticipated. Done correctly, fisting should bring about very little (if any) pain.

Being an old fisting veteran at this point, I describe the activity as “complete consummation.” I feel consumed when I fist someone, feel ultimately filled and connected to my partner and my body when I am fisted. Penetrating someone with fingers, tongues, a toy, even cocks is powerful in and of itself, but placing our whole hand inside someone else is magical.

Letting someone so fully into my body is a gift. This gift does not come easily; it requires patience and time, not to mention a fair amount of work, to achieve. I was unable to be fisted the first time we tried. I couldn’t even be fisted the sixth time we tried.

Preparing my vagina to fully accept my lover’s hand took practice. I’ve regularly masturbated with bigger toys (defined as 1-3/4″ in diameter of larger) and I don’t blink if someone fingers me with three fingers. When my lover asked if they could fist me, my only hesitation was for the pain. I didn’t want sex to hurt. If we could do it without pain, I was in.

The best hand position to use for successful first-time fisting is not a fist at all. To accomplish the optimal position, you want to make your hand as compressed as possible without bending your fingers. To do this, hold your hand out in front of your body and, without bending any of your knuckles, collapse all of your fingers and thumb in towards the center of your palm. It should feel like someone is pressing the meat of your thumb up against the base of your pinky. Your fingers should extend forward, pulling your hand into a pointed cylinder. This “fist” should look more like the beak of a bird than anything you would use to hit someone.

When ready to proceed, there are three main rules: go slow, use far more lube than you think is remotely possible, and don’t rush adding the thumb. It may take months of relentless trying before you will be able to get a whole fist inside your body; for some, it may never happen.

As I mentioned above, it took me longer than I had anticipated to be fisted once I gave the green light to my lover. Because I was already able to accommodate larger girths, we spend most of our preparation sessions working on how to get past the thumb knuckle. She would fondle and push until the sensation of maximum extension would give way to pain, and I would suddenly scoot away from her hand to avoid the feeling. I was scared that if she pushed her hand in, it would hurt more than I would be able to bear.

I needn’t have worried. One insignificant evening we clambered into bed with a bottle of lube and time on our hands. We played for hours before she got anywhere near my privates, and on this occasion, I felt my limits were ready to be pushed. She slipped in four fingers with ease, then dropped her thumb into the mix and applied steady pressure. She developed a gentle rhythm barely pulling out and pushing in, just hard enough that I could feel every movement but still felt in control of the penetration depth. She increased the pressure from time to time on a thrust and she let it hurt for just a moment before pulling back. On one particular push, pain throbbed in my pussy for a full second. Before I could pull back however, I felt her hand get drawn all the way inside me and curl into a ball surrounded by my warmth.

She didn’t need to tell me that she was completely inside me; I already knew by the sense of profound connection welling up from my core. She herself was speechless, looking up at my face with a mixture of disbelief and utter joy. I reached down and touched her wrist where it met my body, loosing my own words in the process. She didn’t move for several moments and neither did I. There was magic in that moment that transcended orgasm and pleasure. It was like she had reached inside of me and taken hold of the private, internal me.

Fisting was not what I had anticipated. What of the pounding and hard orgasms I saw in porn? As it turns out, I am unable to orgasm while being fisted. I don’t like my clit touched, licked, or stimulated either. When a whole hand is inside of me, I grow quiet and still, letting myself experience the penetration and match the breathing of my lover. I have had some of the most personal, profound sex of my life while being fisted. It simply takes my breath away.

I’ve discovered that fisting is the ultimate trusting activity I can do with a lover. If my body is not willing to entirely surrender to someone, it will not let their hands inside me. I don’t fist often; it is far too personal and too emotionally laden for weekly play. But when I am seeking to test my limits and achieve definitive connection, there is no better way for me to find it than through my lover’s fist. Who would’ve ever thought?

— Rebekah Skoor, MA

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This entry was posted on Friday, 30 November 2007 at 12:00 am and is filed under Advice. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.