The Blowfish Blog

Couple’s Couch: Wetting the Bed with Pride

Last fall, I taught myself how to ejaculate. If you are a stranger to female ejaculation, well, you’ve probably not watched much porn lately. Squirting is all the rage these days, hitting the “cool things to do in bed” charts right behind anal and D-P (double penetration). Research indicates that 54-60% of women have experienced emission of fluid at orgasm at some point in their lives*, so female ejaculation, though discussed rarely at cocktail parties or in scientific labs, is certainly no stranger to the scene.

The gist? Female genitals are tricky things, what with all the ducts and systems going on beneath the surface. In many women, firm stimulation of the upper wall of the vagina (think: the side closest to the belly button) can induce swelling of the urethral sponge, more commonly known as the G-spot, as it was first named by Dr. Ernst Grafenberg. (On some other occasion I may choose to muse over the why Dr. Grafenberg would choose to name a part of the female genitalia after himself, but I wouldn’t count on it.) When stimulated with pressure and/or friction, the G-spot will swell as a result of two factors. First, because the G-spot is made of spongy tissue is very similar in composition to the penis; it fills with blood and puffs up when manipulated. Additionally, women have glands on either side of their urethra that collect fluid when they become aroused. These para-urethral glands are called Skene’s glands, homologous to the prostate gland in men, and the fluid that fills these glands constitutes the majority of female ejaculate.

The combination of significant pressure on the G-spot combined with pelvic contractions during orgasm may expel the accumulated fluid from the Skene’s glands and portions of the urethral sponge out of the body. In lay terms, pressure + friction = squirting. If you’ve ever squirted or seen a woman squirt, you might think that she is pissing. Never fear, female ejaculate is not urine, though it come out of the urethra, and is a clear, sweet-tasting fluid with some trace elements similar to prostate fluid.

I’ve talked to many women over the years that felt plagued by their ejaculations. Many ladies experienced rejection from lovers who accused them of urinating or partners who didn’t like the comforter getting soggy. Many women were humiliated that their orgasms made such a mess. On the flip side, I’ve also known plenty of women who say that their squirting intensifies their orgasms more than double and that some of their most pleasurable sex of all time took place while squirting all over so-and-so. I was willing to set aside my fears for just a taste of the intensity they describe.

I’ve doodled around with my G-spot for years. Even before learning what a G-spot was I knew that pressing on the upper wall of my vagina felt far better than pressing anywhere else inside (although pressure alone was pretty low on the “How Erotic Does This Feel?” scale). I’d come plenty of times from pressure on my G-spot when combined with clitoral stimulation, but I’d never hit upon the mysterious phenomenon of squirting orgasms.

Shouldn’t I be able to ejaculate if I wanted to badly enough? I am a sex educator, by gods! I have the right, no, the obligation, to teach myself to ejaculate for all of the women out there who have suffered out of shame for lack of information about their bodies.

I was game to ejaculate. But how was I to begin?

I hunkered down in my bathroom tub (didn’t want to wet the bed with a tell-tale spot, I know, not very sex positive, huh?) with a bottle of lube, a few firm dildos with angled heads, and my how-to guide Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot by D. Sundahl. The directions were clear enough. Insert lubed fingers and locate the G-spot. Rub vigorously. The G-spot should swell and put pressure on the urethra, which may result in feeling like you have to urinate. Once swollen and while rubbing firmly, try to let loose and pee. You won’t be able to. Keep trying. Rub, rub, remove your fingers and try to pee. Repeat. Eventually it will happen.

Hmm. Seemed easy enough. I got down to business with some lube and exploration. My G-spot did indeed swell up pretty fast. I figured I was right on track. Rub, rub, try to pee . . . nothing. Weird. Well, I figured I’d have to keep trying. Rub, rub, rub, rub, pee. Nope. Nothing.

The fingers on my right hand got tired from pressing so much. I switched hands only to discover that my left hand was a pathetic substitute for my right. I went back to rubbing with my right hand until my fingers cramped. This was more difficult than I had anticipated.

I remembered the toys I brought with me and went to town with them. That was better for a while, but still no squirting. The book encouraged me not to come while I was doing this so naturally I started to get a little bored. Rub, rub, pee. Nothing. Nearly 40 minutes had passed. Rub, rub, pee. Nothing. Rub, rub, pee. Noth— Oh My Gosh!

And there it was, streaming from between my legs and all over the bathtub faucet, my first ejaculation! I stared in amazement. It looked like urine but tasted (yes, I tasted it) like sweetish, clear water, just as I was told it would. I was floored. I can’t remember ever being as enthralled with my body as I was in the minutes that followed my first water show. I even dug out an old journal and wrote an entry about the experience as if I had given birth or kissed my first crush. Then I called just about everyone I knew to tell them the news.

I can’t say that my first squirt was the best orgasm I ever had. In fact, I didn’t even come that time. But I did have a tremendous sense of release and wallowed in pride for days. Over time I’ve learned to link my ejaculations with orgasm and, for me, squirting orgasms are truly fantastic. More than the sensation, however, I remain enthralled with the “proof” of my arousal that pours out of my body and soaks the sheets. It really is quite a sight.

But one of the most notable aspects of female ejaculation is the virtual silence around it as it happens in real-life sex. No one talks about it. It took the mentioning of this column for two of my best friends to come forward with the news that they’ve been squirters for years. One of them ejaculated the very first time she masturbated in the fifth grade! You might imagine her terror, fear that led to swearing off her genitals as unpredictable geysers for more than 12 years. I find this terribly sad!

Most women are capable of experiencing ejaculation firsthand if they put in the time and elbow grease. If you’ve never had the experience, I encourage you to try. I believe learning to squirt can redefine arousal as an active process for women and reveal new, exciting sensations. Not only that, it is freaking miraculous to watch. Just don’t fall victim to sleeping in your own wet spot. May I recommend laying down a bath towel?

— Rebekah Skoor, MA

* Bullough, B; M David, B Whipple, J Dixon, ER Allgeier, KC Drury. (March 1984). “Subjective reports of female orgasmic expulsion of fluid.” Nurse Pract. 9 (3): 55-9. PMID 6546788. Retrieved on 2007-06-22.

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This entry was posted on Friday, 28 September 2007 at 12:00 am and is filed under Advice. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.