Comments on: Couple’s Couch: Tainted http://blog.blowfish.com/advice/couples-couch-tainted/469 Sponsored by Blowfish: Good Products for Great Sex. Thu, 29 Jul 2010 21:35:45 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.0.7 by: Misty http://blog.blowfish.com/advice/couples-couch-tainted/469#comment-4025 Fri, 16 Nov 2007 21:57:01 +0000 http://blog.blowfish.com/advice/couples-couch-tainted/469#comment-4025 This article really hit home with me. After reading it, I felt very ashamed of myself and it brought me to tears. I had an abnormal pap several months ago and tested positive for HPV. I've never had an outbreak of genital warts, either, and I am really diligent about condom use, so I was really surprised to learn that I was carrying around this STI. In my reading, I learned how easy this one is spread and how many people carry it without even knowing it. This research both helped me come to terms with it and realize that it's no big deal, and gave me the impression that almost everyone has it which I stupidly used as an excuse not to tell my partners in the months since I found out. Now I've had several partners with whom I've always used condoms but have never revealed this important piece of information. These are dear friends of mine that I care for very much, but my selfish desire to sleep with them and my stupid rationalizations ("they've already got it, anyway, and just don't know it) have caused me to act in a way that I'm very ashamed of. I've made an important choice FOR them, and that's not something a real friend does. I have to figure out a way to tell them, and get over the shame. Not the shame for having the virus, but the shame of how I've behaved since finding out. I am building up the courage, and I hope that they can forgive me, but I'll understand if this puts a strain on our friendships. I don't think any of them will blame me for having the virus, but I'm sure they'll be upset to learn that I withheld this piece of information and didn't let them make their own choice about whether to risk exposure. I guess the moral of the story is that, if you care about the people you sleep with, you'll tell them before the first time you end up in bed. If they care about you as much as you care about them, there's a good chance it won't affect their decision to be physical with you. And if it does, at least they'll appreciate that you were a good enough friend or lover to let them make that choice with all the information. But if you wait until after the fact, you're risking a lot more than one lost night of intimate fun. This article really hit home with me. After reading it, I felt very ashamed of myself and it brought me to tears.

I had an abnormal pap several months ago and tested positive for HPV. I’ve never had an outbreak of genital warts, either, and I am really diligent about condom use, so I was really surprised to learn that I was carrying around this STI. In my reading, I learned how easy this one is spread and how many people carry it without even knowing it. This research both helped me come to terms with it and realize that it’s no big deal, and gave me the impression that almost everyone has it which I stupidly used as an excuse not to tell my partners in the months since I found out. Now I’ve had several partners with whom I’ve always used condoms but have never revealed this important piece of information. These are dear friends of mine that I care for very much, but my selfish desire to sleep with them and my stupid rationalizations (”they’ve already got it, anyway, and just don’t know it) have caused me to act in a way that I’m very ashamed of. I’ve made an important choice FOR them, and that’s not something a real friend does. I have to figure out a way to tell them, and get over the shame. Not the shame for having the virus, but the shame of how I’ve behaved since finding out. I am building up the courage, and I hope that they can forgive me, but I’ll understand if this puts a strain on our friendships. I don’t think any of them will blame me for having the virus, but I’m sure they’ll be upset to learn that I withheld this piece of information and didn’t let them make their own choice about whether to risk exposure.

I guess the moral of the story is that, if you care about the people you sleep with, you’ll tell them before the first time you end up in bed. If they care about you as much as you care about them, there’s a good chance it won’t affect their decision to be physical with you. And if it does, at least they’ll appreciate that you were a good enough friend or lover to let them make that choice with all the information. But if you wait until after the fact, you’re risking a lot more than one lost night of intimate fun.

]]>